dont worry, we're all a victim i think
ive been driving for 6 and a bit years, and self taught manual. ive many a time been trying to do flat out shifts and bugger it up (usually miss 3rd cos i jam it halfway between the 1st and 3rd gate)
my mate told me the best advice............a slow shift is a fast shift. Find out the ideal working rev range for your engine's power curve and shift somewhere in there. I know with a stock 20det you get more benefit shifting at 5-6k rather than just on redline. NA might be different though.
Every engine has its "ideal" rev range.........i know from driving trucks that they have a "green zone" on the tacho (redline usually at 3000rpm, green zone being from about 900rpm thru to 2100rpm). If you shift outside that you lose a lot of forward momentum, especially pushing 8 or so tonnes of steel up a hill with what feels like a mini minor engine LOL