Bel , enough with the negativity and self deprecating.
The trouble is that people on this forum are generally on here for info and humour.
When you continually post suicidal type postings it makes people uncomfortable.
As this is only a computer , nothing can be done over the net about your problem.
As suggested before by everyone in Qld , if you are always this way , seek professional guidance and it will not come from this forum.
cheers
Ken