Might aswell make this a worthy first post that may help someone;
I only recently over came depression myself. And not the kind your 16 year old teenager faces when he can't go hang with his friends at night. Depression is a scary thing, I never realized how bad it was till I was till I was "through" it.
I thought it was normal for me to go back to a dirty apartment, In my dirty clothes, stinking, Not showering, Drinking till I blacked out, Smoking weed till it had zero effect. People around me would tell me I stink, Or I look like I have been up all night or that I needed a shower but depression does funny things to you; You don't care, Not about what people say; But about yourself. I never deemed myself worthy of a shower. A good bed. A full meal. Clean clothing. And so on...
I would eat one small meal a day (Usually a $2.50 bag of hot chips) and I remember even saying to myself in my head "Good, You have eaten today. You won't die of starvation." Then save the rest for a bottle of shitty cheap vodka and weed, Go home after a hard day of faking that I was all good at work and poison myself, Then stumble and stagger to the bed (If I made it past the first 3-4 steps without blacking out). Day in, Day out for 2 years.
I would hop on my R1 and fly down the m4/m5/m7 at 300kmh with nothing but a singlet and sweat pants on, At the same time I was on trial for 18 months imprisonment for doing stupid shit like that to begin with. But none of it mattered in my head. I did not care for myself.
I didn't have family, The loss of my whole family (real long story) pretty much pushed my brain to starve itself of seratonin (The chemical that makes you feel "happy" also helps you feel "normal"). My friends were all my age, drifters and party animals. They all saw the signs but being inexpirenced they never knew what it all was. They just thought I lived hard core and worked hard. I did not have a proper support network. I did not have family. I had to face it all myself.
My turning point was probably on my 3rd or 4th suicide attempt (I can't remember the period that well or how many times I had tried, As said; I did a lot of drinking and smoking). I had what some call "A moment of clarity". I was standing on the edge of the balcony in my studio apartment in parramatta, About to jump when "normal" me kicked in for a brief moment. I climbed back over and got on the phone to beyond blue.
I still remember the blokes name, Phil. I spoke to him on my mobile. I told him everything. Oh boy, I cried. I'll openly admit to that shit. I cried and cried on the phone to this Phil bloke. This one stranger who I didn't know was just listening to my story, Asking questions. I remember my mobile phone battery died mid-convo and I rushed to my land line to call him again (And thankfully got through to him again) just so I could feel "human" again. Phil reffered me to a doctor not too far from me who then diagnosed me with two types of depression. Grieving and major depression.
Going to the doctor was the hardest thing. I felt like it was a stab at my man-hood. I didn't let anyone know. If you think you have hit that point where you need professional help, DO IT! You don't have to tell anyone, It can be between you and your doctor only. Do not leave it till it's too late because how you feel isn't normal. I went through 2 years of it, There is no point where it will fix itself or things will just turn out ok.
I refused drugs and went down the councilling path. None of my friends knew, And most still don't even know I had a mental illness. It's something I always hold close to me. Although I feel ashamed of once going through with that, I know I shouldn't.
There is so much more things that I said, Done, Things that would disguist some, Things that I lost friends for, Things that made people think low of me etc but I think it's beyond the point and I would just be digressing.
Recongnising mental illness from my expirence is hard for two reasons;
1) You don't even know you have it till it's far too late.
2) When you do realise you have it, You don't think you do nor will you share that info or seek help.
Oh and those people that say things like; Harden the f**k up etc.... You got no idea. Trust me. If you said that to my face while I was going through that period remember; I never cared about myself. I would have skinned your face with my nails if you had said that to me. It's the wrong thing to say to anyone with depression. Not only for the other persons safety, But yours aswell. These are people who have an illness, A mental one, They are not thinking right.