madmurf

Classic CouncilAnnouncement_.doc

Lost Cat !!! Power Point il_gatto.zip

Toutterrain Power point toutterrain.zip

MUST READ THE TEXT FIRST This poster was released in the mid 80s and prompted a total recall of all posters because of the picture painted in ice-cubes at bottom right corner a woman performing an act. The graphic artist who designed the picture put this in as a joke, and it went through unnoticed until someone spotted it on the back of a Coke truck. The artist lost his job and was sued, and all promotional material had to be recalled and destroyed.Very rare and hard to get hold of released in South Australia in mid '80's.

http://www.huckinchicken.com The more people visit the more tricks he does.

Here are a few things to think about that you probably have never thought about; Can you cry under water? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Why do you have to “put your two cents in”.. but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to? Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? Why does a round pizza come in a square box? What disease did cured ham actually have? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours? If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway. Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural? Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs! If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Why did you just try singing the two songs above? Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride he sticks his head out the window? Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?

Way down in Louisiana, Boudreaux's old lady had been pregnant for some > time and now the time had come. So he brought her to the doctor and the > doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy and the doctor > looked over at Boudreaux and said, "Hey, Boudreaux! You just had > you-self a son! Ain't dat grand!" > Boudreaux got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and > said, "Hold on! We ain't finished yet!" The doctor then delivered a > little girl. He said, "Hey, Boudreaux! You got you-self a daughter! > She a pretty lil ting, too." > Boudreaux got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, "Hold > on, we still ain't got done yet!" The doctor then delivered another boy > and said, "Boudreaux, you just had you-self another boy!" > When Boudreaux and his wife went home with their three children, he sat > down with his wife and said, "Mama, you remember dat night what we run > out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere tree-in-one Oil?" > His wife said, "Yeah, I do!" Boudreaux said, "Man, it's a damn good ting > we didn't use no WD-fourty." >

clever advertising

WoW!! learn Japanese

What A $20US Note Can Reveal 20DollarBill.doc

This is what happens when you party too hard

How can you tell that an Earthquake is coming? > > Indispensable information for people that live near beaches........

A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll. > > Guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?" > > Customer says, "Female" > > Counter guy asks, "Black or white?" > > Customer says, "White" > > Counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?" > > Customer says, "What the hell d oes religion have to do with it?" > > Counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself up!"

Power Point pres Pirelli2006Calendar.zip

> Dear Dr.Phil, > > > > > > > When I retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my >favorite pastime -- bass fishing. I got my own little fishing boat and >tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing. Finally, >one day at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam the shop owner >who it turned out loves bass fishing as much as I do. We quickly became >fishing buddies. As I said the wife doesn't care about fishing. She not >only refuses to join us she always complains that I spend too much time >fishing. > A few weeks ago Sam and I had the best fishing trip ever. Not only >did I catch the most beautiful bass you've ever seen, only a few minutes >later Sam must have caught his twin brother! So I took a picture of Sam >holding up the two nice bass that we caught and showed the picture to the >wife hoping that maybe she'd get interested. Instead she says she doesn't >want me to go fishing at all anymore! And she wants me to sell the boat! I >think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself. What would you do? >Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell >the boat as she insists? > > > > Thanks, > > > PS Enclosed is a picture of Sam with the two bass we caught > > > > > > > > > > > "Dear Fisherman, Get rid of that narrow minded wife. > That's a nice pair of bass!" > > > DR Phil > > > > >

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During >the > inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them >possessed > incredibly long, oversized penises. > "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers. > "It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied. > "I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason >for your > elongated penises?" "No, sir, our mother." > "Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!" > "I know, sir," replied the recruit, "but she only had one arm, and when >it came > to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could." > >

How to recognise a loser!!!!!

Dear Napisan, > >I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have ! I've used it since >the beginning of my married life, when my Mum told me it was the best. Now >that I am older and going through menopause, I find it even better! In >fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My >unfeeling and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was >and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. > >One thing led to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white >blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just >wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a >bottle of liquid Napisan with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and >satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so >well, that when the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA >tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that >I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my >husband. What a relief I thank you, once again, for having such a great >product. > >Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Glad Bag people... > > >Signed, > > >A Relieved Menopausal Wife

Cartoons

Politically incorrect......but clever

>Subject: Morning Humour > > The following letter was sent to a long time patron of a local Target >store. >After receiving this letter, she vowed that she would NEVER take her >husband shopping with her again! ! ! > >January 12, 2006 > >Re: Mr. Bill Fenton >Multiple Complaints > >Dear Mrs. Fenton, > >Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing >quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior >and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our >stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance >equipment. > >Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband >has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are >listed below. > >15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse is shopping: >1. June 15: Took 4 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's >carts when they weren't looking. > >2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute >intervals. > >3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the >restrooms. > >4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, >'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened. > >5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on >layaway. > >6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. > >7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other >shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding >department. > >8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry >and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' >9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, >and picked his nose. > >10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the >clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are. > >11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the >"Mission Impossible" theme. > >12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" >using different size funnels. > >13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, >yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" > >14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he >assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices >again!!!!" > >(And; last, but not least!) >15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a >while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!" > >

Cheap.. 1 owner... Must bring chainsaw

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman "Can I have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?" The barman is amazed but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie. The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie, he then leaves. The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub (because word gets round) gives the rabbit the Pint and the toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves. The next night, the pub is packed, in walks the rabbit and says "A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman". The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie and then bursts into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down. The next night there is standing room only in the pub, coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending, the barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year. In walks the rabbit and says, "A Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman", smiling and accepting the Tributes of the masses. The barman says, "I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties". The rabbit looks aghast, the crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, "We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie". The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, "Are you sure I will like it?" The masses bated breath is ear shatteringly silent. The barman, with a roguish smile says, "Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends, I know you'll love it". "Ok" says the rabbit," I'll have a Pint of Beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie". The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the Toastie, he then waves to the crowd and leaves.........NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!! One year later in the now impoverished public house, the barman (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, (3 of which were his) calls time. When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar. The barman says, "Who are you?" to which he is answered, "I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house". The barman says, "I remember you, you made me famous, you would come in every night and have a Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, masses came to see you and this place was famous." The rabbit says, "Yes I know". The barman said, "I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties, you had a Cheese and Onion one instead" The rabbit said "Yes, you promised me that I would love it". The barman said "You never came back, what happened?" "I DIED!", said the Rabbit. "NO!" said the barman,"what from?" After a short pause. The rabbit said... *"Mixin'-me-toasties!"*

Vital info for upcoming World Cup. The offside rule explained (for girls). You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have. The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses. It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes. The shop assistant remains at the till waiting. Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma. She prepares to throw her purse to you. If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes. At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, *whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes. Always remembering that until the purse had *actually been thrown* it would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper.

The horse and the chicken! On the farm lived a chicken and a horse who loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life. The moral of the story....... (Yep, you betcha, there IS a moral!) "When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks."