race_snooze

^^^^^^^ gold. >>> > Subject: Nun story >>> > >>> > >>> > >>> > >>> > >>> > It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath, and the young >>> > nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just >>> > the way the old nun had instructed. >>> > >>> > Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's >>> > nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and >>> > pray. >>> > >>> > The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the >>> > Saturday night bath had gone. >>> > >>> > "Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily, "I've been saved." >>> > >>> > "Saved? And how did that come about?" asked the old nun. >>> > >>> > "Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to >>> > wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down >>> > between his legs where he said the son of rajab keeps the Key to Heaven." >>> > >>> > "Did he now?" said the old nun evenly. >>> > >>> > Sister Magdalene >>> > continued, "And Father John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my >>> > lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be >>> > assured salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided >>> > his Key to Heaven into my lock." >>> > >>> > "Is that a fact?" said the old nun even more evenly. >>> > >>> > "At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to >>> > salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon >>> > swell my heart with escstasy. And it did, it felt so good being >>> > saved." >>> > >>> > "That wicked old bastard" said the old nun. "He told me it was >>> > Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years."

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, And she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son." He answered, "That's okay." "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store, It would make me feel so happy." She then went through the checkout, And as she was on her way out of the store, The man called out, "Goodbye, Mom." The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him. Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine Into someone's day, he went to pay for his Groceries. "That comes to $121.85," said the clerk. "How come so much ... I only bought 5 items.." The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said You'd be paying for her things, too." Don't trust little Old Ladies!!!

____Four Worms and a lesson____ A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol - Dead. The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive. So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration? Maxine was setting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!" That pretty much ended the service --

Two ladies talking in heaven: 1st woman : Hi! My name is Wanda. 2nd woman : Hi! I'm Kelly. How'd you die? Wanda: I froze to Death. Kelly : How horrible! Wanda: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? Kelly: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. Wanda: So, what happened? Kelly: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. Wanda: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer -- we'd both still be alive.

this is getting f**ked up, something needs to be done to these junkie wankers!!! Time for some Hand breaking. Sorry most of you know how I feel about stealing shit

bloody hell!!! its just getting worse and worse.

THE BOTTLE OF WINE For all of us who are married, were married, wish they were married, or wish they weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine: Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. "What in bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband." The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: "Good trade....."

Some little punk over the weekend tried to break into my old beaten up ute, now there is nothing of value in the old girl, as most people on here know lol... All they did was bust up my door lock and dent my door. I know they were either junker pricks or kids!!! as if they were any smarter they would have been in and out with hurting the car in 20seconds.

This one is pretty poor I know but its the first of the Monday. An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night is this to be getting home? Where have you been?" "Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it". And on and on and on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a double shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he draged himself up the stairs. While he was in the bath, the phone rang. His wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight. Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of the rear of her husband, bent over, naked, drying his legs and feet. "They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said. To which he whirled around and screamed, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER LET UP?!"

NWA need to make a song that goes f**k the RTA f**k f**k the RTA and the Police lol

I really dont think they can make you put 4 ppl in the car to check the height, tell them to piss off over that one.

>>>>> >>A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a >>>>> >>masked >>>>> >>robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. >>>>> >>Luckily >>>>> >>the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in >>>>> >>because it >>>>> >>was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy >>>>>daughters >>>>> >>and a >>>>> >>healthy son. >>>>> >> >>>>> >>All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the >>>>> >>room in >>>>> >>tears. >>>>> >> >>>>> >>"What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this >>>>> >>bullet >>>>> >>came out," replied the daughter. >>>>> >> >>>>> >>The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 >>>>> >>years ago. >>>>> >> >>>>> >>About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in >>>>> >>tears. "Mom, >>>>> >>I was taking a tinkle and this bullet ! came out." >>>>> >> >>>>> >>Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened >>>>> >>16 years >>>>> >>ago. >>>>> >> >>>>> >>A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" >>>>> >>said the >>>>> >>Mom, "I know what happened You were taking >>>>>a tinkle and a bullet >>>>> >>came out." >>>>> >> >>>>> >>"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog." >>>>> >> >>>>> >> >>>>> >>I KNOW YOU SMILED I know I know this one is not that good!!!

ok the guys at the markets near laughed at me, bloody hell I dont want to have to upgrade. Might ring some second hand PC shops.

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery." Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins. She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lottery night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself.... "Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket."

thanks guys, yeah Computer market will have to do,

yeah I assumed everyone would understand what i meant by 3ghz AMD, Yeah markets will may have to do.

Hey guys I am in bad need of a 3ghz or higher AMD socket A CPU, mine blew up and dont have the cash to buy a whole new PC. Thought I would ask here first as we are mostly all Nerds here lol. I am included in that comment. So if anyone has an old socket A chip they would like to pass the buck on let me know. So sick of trying to run and OS (Ubuntu) on a 700mhz Duron lol to the max. Thanks guys!!

fuel injectors can be harmed by wrong fuel, I have no proof but there are additives in some fuel that will eat the rubber out on some older cars!!! Stick with most 98 ron stuff and you will be fine, BP and Caltex for the win

arhhh you guys are the pansies we use to kill in football lol, petty they were alot smarter then we were.

mmmmm I ll prob still have mine as well by the looks of things. Check with me closer to the date and thats if you / they want it.

think I may just sell the ute as well and just ride the bike till I have enough money to buy a newer ute.

> >Two hillbillies Ed and Red walk into a bar. While having a shot of > >whiskey, > >they talk about their moonshine operation. > >Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to > >cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real > >distress. > >One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" > >The > >woman shakes her head no. > > > > > > > >"Kin ya breathe?" > >The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. > >The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, > >yanks > >down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his > >tongue. > > > >The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction > >flies out of her mouth. > >As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the > >bar. > >His partner s ays, "Yknow, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver', > >but I ain't never seed nobody do it!"

ok cool thanks guys..... mmm more thinking I can get the v6 common for around 500 including the kit and fuel pump too. If he has not sold it already. Would love to stevie but I dont want to spend the money I am a tight arss....

Hey guys, I am serious about this too, I need a good cheap conversion (easy too) for my old dato ute. Nissan 720 the poor little thing is a bit tired only having 119, 119, 115, 110 psi and using massive massive amounts of fuel. Should be 171psi. What I need is some Ideas of engine swap and how hard / easy it will be. Any help would be great. I am looking for good towing capacity and fuel economy. Currently its a L18 Current thinking is a Z24 2.4L out of a navara. I Know for a fact it bolts straight in. SR20DE vg30DE vg25DE ca18T L20 v6 common bore (dont really want to go that way)

A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. Now you're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently but your penis was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it." Now the bloke groans a bit but the doctor goes on, "we'll give you $9000 compensation and we have the technology now to build you a new one that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact. But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap It's a thousand dollars an inch." The bloke perks up at this. "So the thing is" the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to go for a nine incher she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time she might be disappointed, so it's important that she plays a vital role in helping you make the decision." So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the next day. "So" says the doctor "Have you spoken with your wife?" "I have." says the fellow. "And has she helped you in making the decision?" "She has" says the bloke. "And what is it?" asks the doctor. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> "We're having a new kitchen."