race_snooze

> >> Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip > >> that can store and play music in women's breast implants. > >> > >> The iTit will cost $499 or $599 depending on size. > >> > >> This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always > >> complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them. >

> A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. > > Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of > meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. > > The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so > begged their dad for the clue. > > "Well" the father said, "It's what mummy calls me sometimes." > > The little girl screams, "Don't eat it.... it's a f*@king @rsehole".

wouldnt mind having web address as well, nice little promotional stuff for the site.

as I said the other day, good luck and great car!!!

Subject: NEWS FLASH! A woman was admitted to hospital after having phone sex. - - - - - -Doctors removed 2 Nokias, 3 Motorolas and a Samsung. No Siemen was found.

beaver

lol

molonglo break and clutch, freodos and lucus!! should be able to help you out.

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath. "M u m", he asked, "Are these my brains?" "Not yet," she replied.

nice one!!

A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her. Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge says, 'Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news'. 'Well,' says the bloke, 'I guess I'd better have the bad news first?' The Sarge says, 'I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.' The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. The Sarge says, 'Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share.' He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it. 'Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... So what's the other possible good news? 'Well', the Sarge says, 'if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!'

One night , after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner. He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist. He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned to do the same to her right thigh. By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed. " Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered. He whispered back, " I found the remote!"

for light switch response, go the hks 25/30 thats what is on mine, 240rwkw and full boots by 2800rpm 18psi. Look though the dyno section to get a better idea of the turbo you want.

> A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole >he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her >and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. > > She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, >so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his >golf. > > On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the >lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are >a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked >her. > > He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the >lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let >me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for you help." He started a >conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was >in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold. > > She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh." > > "No, I wouldn't," he said. > > She said, "I sell tampons." With that he fell on the floor >laughing so hard. > > She said, "See, I knew you would laugh." > > "That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet >paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you.

you will be fine!!! all you have to do is weave in and out of some cones, stop go, emergency stops, slow turns not much else really.

Subject: FW: Stella Awards [sEC=UNCLASSIFIED] For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico where she purchased the coffee. That's right these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts that happened in the U.S. during 2006. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratchers handy. Here are the Stella's for the past year: To kick things off the right way, there was a three-way tie for 5th place: * Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was Ms. Robertson's son. * Also in 5th place is Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California -- you knew California had to be in the list somewhere, right? -- who on $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at The wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbour's hubcaps. Go ahead, grab your head scratchers. The last of the 5th Place winners went to Terrence Dickson, of Bristol,Pennsylvania, who was leaving a house he had just robbed by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to subsist for eight -- count 'em, 8 -- days on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching, there are more. * Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbour's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in it's owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun. Grrrrr ... scratch, scratch. * Third Place went to Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after She slipped on a soft drink and broke her tail bone (coccyx). The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions? Scratch, scratch, scratch. Hang in there, there are only two more Stella's to go. * Second Place: Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware, sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000 .... oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. * Finally, this year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home -- from an OU football game, no less -- having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Don't look so incredulous. Remember, we're talking about Oklahoma here. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her -- you are sitting down, right? -- $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might buy a motor home.

yeah full bike License, have had it since I was a wee youngen lol. Do your P's Leech, if you can ride around town comfortable then you will pass.

someone buy my car please.... So i can buy myself this

secret squirrel hahah I like that. Surfing the net shell doesnt mean you work with computers.... Thats about all I do though lol.

hey If its funny I just post it. No sides here.

Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground? A. Shoot him again. Q. Why do little boys whine? A. Because they're practicing to be men. Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. Or, Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part. Q. What do you call a handcuffed man? A. Trustworthy. Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg? A. Because not one will stop and ask directions. Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating? A. To stop the snoring before it starts. Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe. Q: What is the difference between men and women? A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. Q: How does a man keep his youth? A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds. Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

no good little pricks... most likely $50 for it so they can go shoot up.

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out, since they can't see each other signing, or lips to lip-read. After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution. "Honey, why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times". The husband thinks this is a great idea. He suggests to his wife if she wants to have sex with him, "reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, pull on my penis two hundred and fifty times.

private sector... Cant tell you any more than that. Public / Private Key Infrastructure Admin.

mmmm dont think I have ever had to have been towed out of bog hole.... only about 6 times now I think