race_snooze

This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had A pet. So he went to the pet shop and told the owner that he wanted to Buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good location for the box and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the pub to have a drink. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go down The Queen's Head with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the pub for a drink?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to The Queen's Head and have a drink with me?" Scroll down... A little voice came out of the box:........... "I heard you the first time! I'm putting my "bloody" shoes on."

yeah I could help but just sit and laugh at some of the shit in there. So had to post it.

http://aaronactive.net/quotes/?latest this is my friday funny guys

lol that was worth a copy and paste and for me to forward.

Yeah the old fella has to be registered, you know the whole deadly weapon thing.....

> 5 secrets to a perfect relationship > > 1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, > cleans and has a job. > > 2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh. > > 3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and doesn't > lie. > > 4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes > being with you. > > 5. It's very, very important that these four bitches don't know > each other.

drink driving in goulborne then caught again in canberra for speeding.

this just makes me want to get some rego on the breast... On another note the only reason Leigh you want to meet at red hill is to snuggle up to Beau.....

mmmmm Bit weird I have never had a problem with Amaru either on the forum or in real life... Something is a miss.

personally buy mine..... if you want a skyline.

SAU vigilante group, we find stolen cars and bash wankers that mug old people and mums!!

yeah not to bad for a 32 lol

rofl that was a crack up love it.

i know I do as well, I worked out I have enough money to make my garage and out the car on stands for another 12 months, but then I ll have no kitchen or bath room or deck / landscaping. Guess I could always borrow more money lol.

Hey mick, need to reno a new house I bought. Or I could keep it and slowly do the house up.

almost 4 years at this f**king company and no pay rise or courses that all have been promised f**king crap I tells you. Need pay rise then maybe I can keep the car and do the house up!! You can buy mine for $22,000

the good thing with a high flow is that it will just bolt back into place no f**king around changing lines or manifolds, or custom piping!!!

I met an older woman at a club last night. She was OK for 57, we drank a bit, had a bit of a song & she asked if I'd ever had the sportsman's double - a mother and daughter 3 some? I said no. We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night. I went back to her place. She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs: "Mom you still awake?"

While on his morning walk, Prime Minister John Howard falls over, has a heart attack and dies because the accident and emergency ward at his nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time. So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Welcome to Heaven," says Saint Peter, "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a Liberal around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you." “No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer," says the PM. "I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God Himself. He says that since the implementation of his new HEAVENCHOICES policy, you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity." "But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," replies Howard. "I'm sorry ... but we have our rules," Peter interjects. And, with that, St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down ...all the way to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course. The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 22C degrees. In the distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front of it is Bob Menzies and thousands of other Liberals luminaries who had helped him out over the years ---Harold Holt, John Gorton, Bill McMahon, etc. The whole of the Liberal Party leaders were there ... everyone laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed. They run to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.' They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. The Devil himself comes up to Howard with a frosty drink, "Have a tequila and relax, John!" "Uh, I can't drink anymore, I took a pledge," says Howard, dejectedly. "This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry and it just gets better from there!" Howard takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes like himself and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like the ones the Liberals pulled with the GST and the Free Trade Agreement promises. They are having such a great time that, before he realises it, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Howard steps on the elevator and heads upward. When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and Saint Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening the gate. So for 24 hours Howard is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or short-arse joke among them. No fancy country clubs here and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor. He doesn't see anybody he knows and he isn't even treated like someone special! "Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "Bob Menzies never prepared me for this!" The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for eternity." With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background, Howard reflects for a minute ... then answers: "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all -- but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends." So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell. The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial wasteland, kind of like the eroded, rabbit and fox affected Australian outback. He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into black plastic bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime. The Devil comes over to Howard and puts an arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers a shocked John, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar and drank tequila. We lazed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!" The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs, "Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us!"

surfboard (mmmmm would love to be surfing right now!!!!)

Thats pretty normal for a skyline mate lol, but once there done right way to much fun!!!!

bring back the hand chopping I say.... Thats shit.

its going pop real quick then.........

could you really hear it ping or was it just in the power FC....????

i would be a weee bit worried about those AFR's there simon