race_snooze

I'm sure chili lovers will appreciate this one! > > >Chilli Cook Off > >The Narrator said: >If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no >hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as >relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas. > >Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to >the first two judges, the reaction of the third is even better. > >For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this >is. >They actually have a Chili Cook-Off about the time Halloween comes >around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San >Antonio >City Park. > >Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili Taster named Frank, who was >visiting from Springfield, Illinois. Frank: "Recently, I was >honoured >to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. >The original person called in sick at the last moment and I >happened >to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to >the >Coors Light Truck, when the call came in. >I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the >chili >wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have >free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge #3." >Here are the scorecard notes from the event: > >Chili #1 MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI..... >Judge #1 A little to heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. >Judge #2 Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very Mild Judge #3 >(Frank)-Holy >crap, what the hell is this stuff? >You could remove dried paint from your >driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's >the >worst one. These Texans are crazy. > >Chili #2 AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI..... >Judge #1 Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. >Judge #2 Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken >seriously. >Judge #3 Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what >I'm >supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people that >wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more >beer >when they saw the look on my face. > >Chili #3 FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI..... >Judge #1 Excellent Firehouse chili. Great kick. >Judge #2 A bit salty, good use of peppers. >Judge #3 Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels >like >I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get >me >more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my >backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced >from >all the beer. > >Chili #4 BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC..... >Judge #1 Black Bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing Judge >#2 >Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other >mild >foods, not much of a chili. >Judge #3 I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable >to >taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? >Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. >This >300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear >waste >I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac???? > >Chili #5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER..... >Judge #1 Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, >adding >considerable kick. Very impressive. >Judge #2 Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. >Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. >Judge #3 My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and >I >can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me >needed >paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her >chili had given me brain damage. >Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it >from >the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. >It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop >screaming. Screw them. > >Chili #6 VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY..... >Judge #1 Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of >spices and peppers. >Judge #2 The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic! >Superb >Judge #3 My intestines are now a straight pipe filed with gaseous, >sulphuric flames. I crapped myself when I farted,and I'm worried it >will eat through my chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me >except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my >butt >with a snow cone. > >Chili #7 SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI..... >Judge #1 A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. >Judge #2 Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of >chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am >worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he >is >cursing uncontrollably. >Judge #3 You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I >wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world >sounds >like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, >which >slid unnoticed out of my mouth.. >My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the >autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop >breathing >it's to painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I >need >air, I'll just suck it through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. > >Chili #8 BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI..... >Judge #1 The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. >Not t bold but spicy enough to declare it's existence. >Judge #2 This final entry is a good, balanced chili. >Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when >Judge >#3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on >top >of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. >Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili????/ >Judge #3 NO REPORT!!!!!

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra less. One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations... She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." And the moral of this story is: ALWAYS keep your condoms in your car........

Mate do a search and you will see some threads covering slide's turbos. Ceffie has done this as well i think.

lol what a van, sounded good too

so have we made it an earlier time for the meet??

Thanks Leigh should be ok just see what happens.

I have a fair well on that day as well. I ll probably just get one of my mates on this side of town to drive. No Nik your not driving your a bigger piss head then i am. Thanks for the offer to Andrew but it should be all good.

I am now a maybe for this, just organising someone to drive my car. See what happens.

wow another one bites the dust, good luck with the sale....

FINALLY A MALE BLONDE JOKE - A BLONDE GUY GETS HOME EARLY FROM WORK AND HEARS STRANGE NOISES COMING FROM THE BEDROOM. HE RUSHES UPSTAIRS TO FIND HIS WIFE NAKED ON THE BED, SWEATING AND PANTING. "WHAT'S UP?" HE SAYS "I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK," CRIES THE WOMAN. HE RUSHES DOWNSTAIRS TO GRAB THE PHONE, BUT JUST AS HE'S DIALLING, HIS 4-YEAR OLD SON COMES UP AND SAYS "DADDY! DADDY! UNCLE TED'S HIDING IN YOUR CLOSET AND HE'S GOT NO CLOTHES ON. THE GUY SLAMS THE PHONE DOWN AND STORMS UPSTAIRS INTO THE BEDROOM, PAST HIS SCREAMING WIFE, AND RIPS OPEN THE WARDROBE DOOR. SURE ENOUGH, THERE IS HIS BROTHER, TOTALLY NAKED, COWERING ON THE CLOSET FLOOR. "YOU ROTTEN S.O.B.," SAYS THE HUSBAND, "MY WIFE'S HAVING A HEART ATTACK AND YOU'RE RUNNING AROUND NAKED SCARING THE KIDS!"

just pod a pod filter on and you will hear it!!

leave the stock one on, then you wont get issues with stalling and back firing.

AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!!! OI OI OI!!! Being Australian is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for A Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a The land of goat sphincter rings kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. Oh and...... Only in Australia .. can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in Australia ... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the Way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy People can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in Australia .. do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke. Only in Australia .. do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters. Only in Australian ... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage. Only in Australia .. do we use answering machines to screen calls And then have 'call waiting' so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. Only in Australia .. are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink. NOT TO MENTION.. 3 Aussies die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue. 142 Aussies were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts. 58 Aussies are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. 31 Aussies have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree While the fairy lights were plugged in. 8 Aussies had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth. A massive 543 Aussies were admitted to Emergency in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth. ...and finally, In 2000 eight Aussies cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet. IF YOU'RE PROUD TO BE AUSTRALIAN SEND THIS ON!

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, is the glorious winner: 1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... And now, the Honorable Mentions: 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved. 3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. 5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?) 7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. 8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from." 9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER! 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had. In the interest of bettering humankind, please share these with your friends and family ... unless of course one of these 10 individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

i am out cant help with this... sorry

hahah

I am out sorry guys.

shit now i feel bad that no one is going to do this for you Andy hope its sorted.

apparently if you are a qualified wielder its fine to stuff like that... Go figure or it use to be this was a long long time ago.

If you get stuck i have some r33 ones lying around some where you can "borrow" there black I have been to lazy to change my white ones to them (match the carbon bonnet)

This works for me as i have hockey grand final at 7pm so this would be hard to do both.

Ill find out tonight what time I am playing hockey Andrew then ill post back. Cheers

i can do it, i live near that area. But mine is not a R34 though and i wont charge $100 for it either. Shit what times, i have hockey grand final.

Dame it Danny I was looking for one of them just recently, now i dont need it. lol good price

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