R33S2

there is a redhead , a brunette & a blonde having coffee talking about their teenage daughters. the redhead says " i was looking thru my daughters drawers the other day & found a packet of smokes ... i cant beleive my little girl smokes " the brunette says " well i was looking thru my daughters drawers the other day & found a bottle of whiskey ... i cant beleive my little girl drinks" the blonde says " i was looking thru my daughters drawers the other day & found a packet of condoms ... i cant beleive my daughter has a dick

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement." Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire." Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough." Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft." Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid." Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal." Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage." Problem: "The autopilot doesn't." Signed off: "IT DOES NOW." Problem: "Something loose in cockpit." Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit." Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear." Solution: "Evidence removed." Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud." Solution: "Volume set to more believable level." Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield." Solution: "Live bugs on order." Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent." Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground." Problem: "IFF inoperative." Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode." Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick." Solution: "That's what they're there for." Problem: "Number three engine missing." Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard

Have a look in the group buy section for a Fmic. Welcome to the site and I hope to see you cruising sometime.

It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. The frog throws up it's stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of it's mouth. Then the frog uses it's forearms to dig out all of the stomach's contents and then swallows the stomach back down again.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

I worked, started at 4am came home and had a nana nap now Im drinking in anticpation of going to pub later.

Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games

Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games

That storm looks to heading north at the moment, no telling with these things tho. Humour Network Daz

At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw f**k you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.

When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

Q: Did you hear about the cricketers daughter? A: She was always willing to take a full toss in the crease

Yeah it looks like that front is heading straight for you Daz.

Full Toss - an involuntary motion best produced behind a bush outside the ground rather than over the lad in front of you Duck - a quick lowering of the head and shoulders on hearing the opening moves of the Full Toss (see above) behind you Silly Point - a Kaftan wearer trying to explain the rules of the game to a lad Leg Slip - a fault in getting up after drinking one’s way through a full match First Eleven - one short of the first dozen knocked off at the end of the first innings Extra Cover - raincoat or plastic sheet held above head. (see also Duck and Full Toss above) Gully - Scottish lad’s word for Sheila Pitch - apparent movement of the field seen towards the end of the second eleven ( see First Eleven above) Bail - money required to release lads for the rest of the weekend after being escorted from the field Wicket - Bad Lad Extra Fine Leg - bit of a Sheila seen three rows above the lads Bowler - hat worn by English Kaftan wearers Forward Short Leg - lavatory talk for relieving ones self Dismissal - look given by Sheila three rows above (see Extra Fine Leg) Keeper - advice given to a Kaftan wearer on what he can do with his Sheila Member’s Stand - reaction to a decent Sheila walking past A Bye - dozen cans purchased before the game

England is hopless at cricket at the moment, we didnt even reach 25 overs to beat them.

COMMUNICATION FOR A GOOD MARRIAGE The Men's Guide to what a woman really means when she says something. • You want = You want • We need = I want • It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. • Do what you want = You'll pay for this later. • We need to talk = I need to complain • Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to. • I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! • You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot. • You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about? • I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period. • Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs. • This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house. • I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper..... • I need wedding shoes = The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white. • Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! • I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep. • Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive. • How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like. • I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV. • Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful. • You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me. • Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.] • Yes = No • No = No • Maybe = No • I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry. • Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it. • Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep. • I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important. • All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGOD those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook? The Woman's Guide to What a Man is Really Saying... • I'm hungry. = I'm hungry. • I'm sleepy. = I'm sleepy. • I'm tired. = I'm tired. • Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. • Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. • Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. • May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. • Nice dress! = Nice cleavage! • You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you. • What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this. • What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? • What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question. • I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex? • I love you. = Let's have sex now. • I love you, too. = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now! • Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = I liked it better before. • Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = $50 and it doesn't look that much different! • Let's talk. = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me. • Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys. • (while shopping) I like that one better. = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!

Yes that would explain it, sounds like he got off cheap, damn those burred threads no wonder they broke all your ezyouts.

I gave up on cable when they started putting ads in Thats how long ago I had cable sif pay for watching ads suxors

Do you want your stuff back, my numbchucks dont fit in my locker with it there.

Gidday Troy yeah lurkingish around, my day was boring ohh sooo boring I need a job but I gotta find some where to live first, but there arent all that many places around so its lose lose sux2bme at the moment.

That comic link comes up with FORBBIDEN 404

I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

Must be lunch time HUH? Those cars are cop cars John are you fixated on the boys in blue now?? Some are reposts too soooooo.....