R31 Chick

Jokes, where, oh you mean those ones!!! Sorry, I thought they were true!!! Hehe!!! Thought they were fitting for a male dominated forum!

Exactly, now my old boy (15yo stallion) who was skin and bone when I got him and his feet were all cracked is finally starting to look and feel better when he started coughing. Vet said $1500 surgery to fix his throat or put him down when the area is so ulcerated he can't even eat. Lovely predicament huh. If you look after your old Staffy (by the sounds of it, it is very well looked after) then it could go to 16 like our old Blue Heeler.

Perfect Day PERFECT DAY FOR A WOMAN 8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses. 8:30 Weigh 5lbs. lighter than yesterday 8:45 Breakfast in bed, squeezed orange juice and croissants 9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil 10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer. 10:30 Facial , manicure, shampoo, and comb out. 12:00 Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe. 12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs. 1:00 Shopping with friends. 3:00 Nap. 4:00 A dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from a secret admirer. 4:15 Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage. 5:30 Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror. 7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing. 10:00 Hot shower. Alone. 10:30 Make love. 11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling 11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms. A PERFECT DAY FOR A MAN 6:00 Alarm. 6:15 Blowjob. 6:30 Massive dump while reading the sports section. 7:00 Breakfast. Filet Mignon, eggs, toast and tea. 7:30 Limo arrives. 7:45 Bloody Mary en route to airport 8:15 Private jet to Augusta Georgia. 9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club. 9:45 Play front nine at Augusta, finish 2 under par. 11:30 Blowjob 11:45 Lunch. 2 dozen oysters on the half shell. 3 Heinekens. 12:15 Blowjob. 12:30 Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par. 2:15 Limo back to airport. Drink 2 Bombay martinis. 2:20 Blowjob 2:30 Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap. 3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew. 4:15 Blowjob 4:30 Catch world record light tackle marlin - 1249 lbs. 5:00 Jet back home. En route, get massage from naked supermodel. 7:00 Watch Sportscenter. 7:30 Dinner. Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon,20oz. New York strip. 9:00 Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar. 10:00 Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs. 11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi. 11:45 Go to bed. 11:46 One last blowjob 11:59 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room. 12:00 Laugh yourself to sleep.

Ohhhh, thats yuck. My horse is sick and has not been looked after his whole life. He has his tongue scared as he nearly had it 'docked' like a dogs tail when he was racing. It is gross. I hate animal cruelty. Drifta, with ya 110%

Uh huh. Really makes you happy hay. Sorry but as a animal lover I had to post it.

HER SIDE OF THE STORY He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much about it. The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure. So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his house, I said that I love him and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the hell that meant because you know he doesn't say it back or anything. We finally got back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to dump me! So I tried to ask him about it but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we had sex. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave but I just cried myself to sleep. I dunno, I just don't know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he's met someone else??? HIS SIDE OF THE STORY The Longhorns lost. Felt Tired. Got laid though!

I read this and thought how sad it was, yet so common. Maybe you will enjoy the read too. I probably am the only one being the animal loving person that I am anyway. Also, sorry it is not on the topic of cars or anything. How could you? When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?"-but then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub. My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day. Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a "dog person", still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch-because your touch was now so infrequent-and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf. Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family. I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don'tlet them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?" They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind-that this was all a bad dream...or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?" Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself-a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place

Oil Changing Instructions for Women 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: $20.00 for oil change $1.00 for coffee Total = $21.00 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oil Changing Instructions for Men 1) Go to O' Reillys auto parts and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty Litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree. 2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 6) Place drain pan under engine. 7) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 8) Give up and use crescent wrench. 9) Unscrew drain plug. 10) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process. 11) Clean up mess. 12) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 13) Look for oil filter wrench. 14) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off. 15) Beer. 16) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow. 17) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. 18) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18. 19) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday. 20) Walk to 7-11; buy beer. 21) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 22) Remember drain plug from step 11. 23) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 24) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug. 25) Drink beer. 26) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug. 27) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. 28) Drink beer. 29) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame. 30) Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31. 31) Begin cussing fit. 32) Throw wrench. 33) Beer. 34) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 35) Beer. 36) Beer. 37) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 38) Beer. 39) Lower car from jack stands. 40) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands. 41) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23. 42) Beer. 43) Test drive car. 44) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 47) Car gets impounded. 45) Make bail: Get car from impound yard. Money spent: $50.00 parts $25.00 beer $75.00 replacement set of jack stands $1,000.00 Bail $200.00 Impound and towing fee Total = $1350.00

Or an elephant.

What! Big group hug? :bahaha:

Welcome along!

A team of archaeologists was digging in Israel when they found an old, worn out rock. On the rock there were these drawings, in this order: a woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a cross. The team was fascinated and was sure they had found remenents of an unknown civilization. For months they researched and tried to make sense of the drawings, and finally held a huge conference to tell what they had come up with. The team leader stood up and said, "Look here, the first picture is a woman. We have determined that this means women were the dominant sex in this civilization. The second symbol is a donkey. We think this means they had domesticated animals. The thrid drawing is a shovel, showing they were intelligent and used tools. Fourth there is a fish, which tells us they had learned to reap from the sea as well as the land. Finally there is a cross, which shows they were religious people. Any Questions?" A Jew stands up in the back and says, "You said you found this in Israel. With all due respect, sir, we read things from right to left in Hebrew. Those pictures say, 'Holy Mackeral, Dig the Ass on that Woman!' "

Haha, I don't wanna go in that elevator, I will get as old as you Cam!!!

This is not a joke but it will surprise you, try it. 1) First of all, pick the number of times a week you would like to have dinner out. (Try for more than 1 but less than 10). 2) Multiply this number by 2 (number of days in a weekend). 3) Add 5 (number of days in a week.) 4) Multiply it by 50 - I'll wait while you get the calculator. 5) If you have already had your birthday this year add 1753.... If you haven't, add 1752..... 6) Now subtract the four digit year that you were born in. 7) You should have a three digit number. The first digit of this was your original number. (I.e. How many times you would like to eat out each week.) The next numbers are YOUR AGE! (Oh YES it IS!) This is the only year (2003) it will ever work, so spread it around while it lasts.

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs ten dollars." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks. Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample, and deposited the $10. The computer made the usual noise and printed out the following message: Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

Haha, Joe, Pauls wing is a good joke!!!!

I am 18. Are you from the country? The country rocks! I am unsure about this 10.3, I will see to believe though I am not one to say it doesn't when I have never seen it. Basically, I would love to see it at the Plex! I hope it is that fast! Blow away the boyz!

It was missing, all it wheels, including the spare, radar detector, hang on, it will be easier to say what it wasn't missing. It was unthrashed and still running luckily. It is back on the road but needs a few more little touch ups. They surprisingly left the car pretty straight. We had a weird call on Sunday. This girl told us what was missing from it (she was there while they stripped it) and told us we are lucky to have it back as they had organised to pull the motor and gearbox out on Friday night (we picked it up on Friday about 6.00pm we left) and dispose of the rest. Dad, there was not one single 'hot' item on that car. I would have let a cop search the whole thing and he would have found nothing so stop trouble making.

Haha, yeah! We had a Commo (the stolen one) and we would pretend to race Skylines. We knew they were faster, we just wanted to see how fast they were! Do you find they get embarressed and when you are cruising, they fly past you and are never to be seen again?

Nick, NEVER park it at Curtin. Even bombs are being nicked, e.g. the Telstar they kindly left me to get home in. Dad, we paid $4000, been offered $8000. Money was spent on it to. To us the car was worth much much more. I am sorry, I love Skylines, but I would be in denial to admit I didn't love that wagon. CC, I plan too.

Paul, how do we send it to you? Mum and Dad have my money because you were 'supposed' to get it off them well before you left. How do I get it to you now?

Hi mzgtst. Don't ya love the look on guys faces when you pull up at the lights and eat them for breakfast!

Dad, an $8000 car owned by us (not by the bank) at our ages is not what I would class as a bomb. Maybe you would at your age but for young people, I wouldn't. Thanks Brett, Kym, Paul and Zanda. Still unfortunatly no word.

http://forums.commodorecarclubwa.com/viewt...opic.php?t=3426 There is a photo of it if any of you see it. It was going to have an alarm installed but the guy who was gonnu do it was in a accident so it was waiting for him to be better to do it. We are DESPERATE for it back.

We took the wagon which looks like it may be the last cruise it gets to go on.