UPDATE !!!! a very good one.
Turned out the BOV that i was tightening was slowly becoming loose over time and leaking boost because i didnt lock the vac nipple against it once adjusted! I was wondering why it seemed to fix the issue but then came back!
So on the drive to work this morning - the car felt way better, sounded way better, and no black shit unless I Really, really gun it. BOV is on its hardest setting. anything after a few twists and it leaks boost badly.