Nexus9

First guy: "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what?

Kids today ....so much to learn

See kids....all the above is called "classy" post whoring none of your 999 bottles of beer on the wall shit from me

Four brewery presidents walk into a bar. The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey, Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world. "Give me 'The King of Beers,' a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one. The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water. Give me a Coors." He gets it. The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking Guinness?" The Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

Beats me Adrian why are you still at work? Actually more to the point why am I still at work??

One for the icecream lovers Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Me too," said the second. "Let's fly down and find some lunch." They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of grassy ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate and ate 'til they could eat no more. "I'm so full I don't think I can fly back to the tree," said the first one. "Me neither. Let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun," said the second. "O.K." said the first. They plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, a big fat tom cat snuck up and gobbled them up. As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought, "I love baskin' robins."

An Australian guy goes into a bar in the Greek Islands. Jill, the Australian barmaid, takes his order and notices his Australian accent. Over the course of the night they talk quite a bit. At the end of the night he asks her if she wants to have sex with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for the deed. Jill is traveling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees. The next night the guy turns up again and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. She figures in for a penny in for a pound - and it was fantastic the night before - so she agrees. This goes on for 5 nights. On the sixth night the guy comes into the bar, but this night he orders a beer and just goes and sits in the corner. Jill is disappointed and thinks that maybe she should pay him more attention. She goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he is from and he tells her Melbourne. "So am I" she says. "What suburb in Melbourne." "Glen Iris" he says. "That's amazing" she says, "so am I - what street?" "Cameo street" he says." "This is unbelievable" she says, "what number?" He says "Number 20" and she is astonished. "You are not going to believe this," she says, "I'm from number 22 and my parents still live there!" "I know," he says, "your father gave me $1,000 to give you!"

Actually Luke it was a Protestant Priest Travelling salesman rings a doorbell. Door is opened by a boy, eight years old, wearing a top hat and a tutu. He has a large martini in one hand, a cigar in the other. "Young man, are your parents at home?" asks the travelling salesman. Replies the boy, "What the **** do _you_ think?"

No not yet James Travelling salesman rings a doorbell. Door is opened by a boy, eight years old, wearing a top hat and a tutu. He has a large martini in one hand, a cigar in the other. "Young man, are your parents at home?" asks the travelling salesman. Replies the boy, "What the fark do _you_ think?"

In Tennnessee, a guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the mutt replies. "So, what's your story?" The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired." The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, "Ten bucks." The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?" The owner replies, "Aw, he's just a big liar. He didn't do any of that shit."

A Priest and a Rabbi are walking down the street when they see a 10 year old boy. The Priest says "Want to screw him?" The Rabbi says "Out of what?"

But before i go here are a couple for Charly A priest, a rabbi and an elephant walk into a bar, and the bartender says "What is this, a joke?"

I 'm goin home seeyas :wavey:

umm ....... no

I bow to your pre-emptiveness

damn too fast too furious

Point taken

and your point being?

Beaurepaires :wavey:

don't pick the phone up after 5

yep

hey wade :wavey: just bumming around after work

that sounds like a pepsi challenge Nick I am ready with a tape measure at the next cruise.... if you are

I was thinking that if I get a new carbon fibre bonnet for my car, I wouldn't mind getting my Avatar painted on the old bonnet I reckon it would look cool