Brett Ratten was sitting at home one night watching the news, when he saw some TV footage of an Afghani teenager in Guantanamo Bay Detention centre. This kid was some kind of athlete, he could run like the wind, was strong as an ox, and a vertical leap to die for. Ratten was so impressed he got straight on the phone, wheeled, dealed, and pulled every string he could, and just before the start of the season he managed to get his man to Carlton. He could immediately see his faith would be rewarded. So impressive was the kid, that Ratten named him in on a half forward flank for the first game against Richmond.
Just before the players ran out onto the field, Ratten took his new charge, and the rest of the forwards aside, for last second instructions at which point he started gesticulating extravagantly, mimicking the movements to mark the ball "Catch... Ball..." Ratten started, then drawing a circle around himself "turn...around...face... sticks" he went on, motioning up and down for the goal posts, before exaggeratedly pretending to kick the ball at goal saying "kick... ball. goal....".
With this the young Afghani drew himself up and said to Ratten "Sir, please, I am an educated young man, I speak English fluently".. Ratten looked the kid in the eye and yelled at him, "Would you shut up, I'm trying to talk to Fev".