Hi mate... I'll take a stab at some of these questions...
I don't know anything about those VG turbos, but I'd guess the wastegate on those could be set at 12 psi? If you got a boost tee, you could turn the boost up or down, I think most of the entry level controllers are good up to around 20psi (give or take - I could be wrong).
You could very easily get a dual stage boost controller, I'd recommend an electronic one and getting it professionally installed and set to 8/12 pounds.
As for clutch, I had mine replaced about 4 months ago with an Exedy OEM replacement (and machined my flywheel - not lightening though), it's a bit bitier than the stock one and I like it, but I've burnt through a fair bit of it already and my car's not a massive powerhouse. Cost around $700-$800 for parts + install if I remember correctly. If you want one that will take a beating, go heavy duty, but expect to add another few hundred on top of that price.
For your headlights if you're pretty handy you might be able to get some new lenghts of wire from any auto shop and run new wiring (even if it's just where the connections are dodgey) and replace the metal tabs/connection points too (might have to go somewhere like dick smith electronics for these parts). A soldering iron/electrical tape/heatshrink tubing will be your friend here.