ideas
"Here's to hoping somebody in prison
takes your ASS for a joyride"
"Greetings and thank you for stealing my car. My insurance replaced it with a new one, and now I have the satisfaction of knowing that while I myself won't be getting ****ed in the ass on a daily basis for the next 7.5 years, you WILL. Near the end of your release, I'll be sending you a colostomy bag, since I'm sure your man muscle is going to have quite a bit of wear."