LTSJayce

Thanks! The boxer rumble was in full effect that night...And,whilst you say you were filming stuff,it does seem a little creepy that you were perched upon a grassy knoll...sniper rifle,anyone?!?

Ask for Michael at Reliance in Isa St,Fyshwick. If you do,tell him Jayce,ex-Canb' Motorcycle Centre sent you...

Glad we could help a fellow 'Liner out of trouble! It's also pure luck that it was about the ONLY weekend where we actually didn't already have something planned! LOL!

ooh,goodie! I LOVE surprises! Except that time that Henrietta lady turned out to be Henry...just jokes,seriously!!

And,whilst I realise it's 6.19 a.m. and no one is awake to reply:how 'bout it ,then? Get yourselves organised,and I'll see you there!

And again,hopefully moving this topic back up the leader board!

And,knowing that many of you receive email notification of posts to topics,I'll post again!

Righto you lot:after many months of dwindling numbers,it seems most of you have forgotten the regular gathering that the infamous Sinista has set in place for a Tuesday night! So,seeing as it's Xmas time,how 'bout you all make a serious effort to get to the Jerra this Tuesday night,OK?!?

My solution to "how'd ya afford anything"? I don't have kids...

‘Twas the week before Christmas And all ‘round the place People were making big plans To eat,smoke and drink to get off their face For Christmas has changed Both for you and for I As things have gotten commercial And the true family holiday has died No longer can we wrap presents To sit under a shopping centre’s “Giving Tree” Just in case some wacko might strike With a bomb instead of something that might bring glee And to sing carrols by candlelight Might offend some religions Even though they’re as Aussie As Cronulla Beach and it’s minions So some will same I’m “not festive”, some will say “bitter and twisted” I just think that the whole point Of the Christmas holiday has been missed… All I want for Christmas,besides the proverbial “two front teeth” Is to be with my family and a tree with presents underneath Maybe if it’s nice outside,I’ll take my pride and joy for a drive And hope the Law and the RTA wont have murder in their eyes For it’s this one day of every year that a quiet cruise is a must Boost if you will,supplied by HKS,Apexi and Trust And know,fellow ‘Liners,that all good thing may come to you But first you need to set the standards that others will follow along to So think before you drink And take your racing to the track Enjoy a day off on the 25th And whilst you may not see my car for a while after then, Be assured;the GT-R will be back!

And I wasn't even in my 'Line! Also spotted a white R32 GTR with white wheels,driven by a female,in Manuks about 7.30.Anyone here?

Likewise,I have an eye for these things:I'll be on the lookout...

What that lady said...

A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says: "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc, and then asks, "what is your occupation?" "I'm a whore," she says. The accountant balks and says, "No, No, No, that won't work. That is too gross. Let's try to rephrase that." The woman says, "OK., I'm a high-end call girl." "No, that is still too crude. Try again." They both think for a minute, then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer." The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore & call girl? "Well, I raised over a thousand little peckers last year." He replies: "Good enough."

Oooops;nearly a double post...

Try this one... http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=54...&q=top+gear+evo Can anyone see a vid's link coming?

Thanks! I was bored...

How tough are Aussie men? The scene is set, a dark night, cold wind blowing, campfire flickering, stars twinkling in the dark sky. Three hang-glider pilots sitting by the campfire, one from Australia, one from South ifrica and one from New Zulland. Each embroiled in the bravado for which they are famous. The night of tales begins.. Kiven the Kiwi says, "I must be the meanest, toughest, heng glider there es. Why, jist the other day I linded in a field and scared a crocodeale, who came out of the swamp and ate sux min who were standen close by. I grebbed the crocodeale and wristled him to du ground and killed em with my beer hends" Hansie from South Ifrica who typically can't stand to be bettered said, "Well you guys, I lended orfter a 200 mile flight in my heng glider on a tiny trail, and a Namibian snike slid out from under a rock and made a move on me. I grebbed de borsted with me bare hinds and beet it's head off ind then sucked the poison from it's body down in one gulp. End I'm still here today" Bazza the Aussie remained silent, slowly poking the fire with his penis

Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest 1. Two vultures board an aeroplane; each is carrying two dead Raccoons The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger. 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says Dam!" 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that: You can't have your kayak and heat it too. 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive. 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal " 8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Only Hugh, can prevent florist friars. 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!

Four guys who worked together always golfed as a group at 7:00 a.m. on Sunday. Unfortunately, one of them got transferred out of town and they were talking about trying to fill out the foursome. A woman standing near the tee said, "Hey, I like to golf, can I join the group?" They were hesitant, but said she could come once to try it and they could see what they thought. They all agreed and she said, "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45." She showed up right at 6:30, and wound up setting a course record with a 7-under par round. The guys went nuts and everyone in the clubhouse congratulated her. Meanwhile, she was fun and pleasant the entire round. The guys happily invited her back the next week and she said, "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or 6:45." Again, she showed up at 6:30 Sunday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed, and matched her 7-under par score of the previous week. By now the guys were totally amazed, and they asked her to join the group for keeps. They had a beer after their round, and one of the guys asked her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?" She said, "That's easy. Before I leave for the golf course, I pull the covers off my husband, who sleeps in the nude. If his member is pointing to the right, I golf right-handed; if it's pointed to the left, golf left-handed." One of the guys asked, "What if it's pointed straight up?" She said, "Then I'll be here at 6:45."

NEWS RELEASE Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in. At a news conference announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of him.

Diary of a Brisbane Summer (by a Pommie) Some people may find this funny.....some may not To my English friends .... no offence intended!!!! > August 31st > Just got transferred with work into our new home in Brisbane!! Now > this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm > balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair > on the verandah. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here. > > September 13th: > Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an > air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to > see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper. > > September 30th: > Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms > and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. > Another scorcher today, but I love it here. > > October 10th > The temperature hasn't been below 30 all week. How do people get used > to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But > getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer that I expected. > > October 15th: > Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. > Missed 3days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson > though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this. > > October 20th: > I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. > By > the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up > to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather > upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like > Wiskettes and cat shit. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. > > October 25th: > The wind sucks. It feels like a giant bloody blow dryer!! And it's hot > as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman > charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts. > > October 30th: > Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $450,000 > house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here? > > November 4th: > It's 35 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It > cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but this bloody > humidity makes the house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman. I > hate this stupid place. > > November 8th: > If another wise arse cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to > strangle him. Bloody heat. By the time I get to work the car's > radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell > like baked cat!! > > November 9th: > Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the > black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my arse was on fire. I > lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my > arse. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried arse, and baked cat. > > November 10th: > The weather report might as well be a bloody recording. Hot and sunny. > Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 > damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. > Doesn't it ever rain in this damn place? Water rationing will be next, > so my $2,000 worth of palms just might dry up and blow into the bloody > pool. Even the palms can't live in this heat. > > November 14th: > Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 38 today. Now the > air-conditioner's gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and > said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $2,500 > house payment to bail my arse out of jail for assulting the repairman. > Bloody Brisbane. What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here? > > December 1st: > WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You are f__ing kidding >

usband Tries Hard One night, as a couple lies down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says, " I'm sorry , honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." Rejected , the husband turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, " Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too ?"

> > >> A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a > > >> party > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> and invited all of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited >Jimmy, > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> the only aboriginal in the neighbourhood. He held the party > > >> around >the > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good > > >> time > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters and BBQ and flirting. > > >> At >the > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> height of the party, the host said, "I have a 15ft man-eating > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone > > >> who >has > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> the balls to jump in. > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> "The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud > > >> splash > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> and everyone turned around and saw Jimmy in the pool! > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> Jimmy was fighting the croc and kicking its ass! Jimmy was > > >> jabbing >the > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all > > >> kinds >of > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> sh!t, like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the > > >> tail >and > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor. > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Jimmy and > > >> the > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> croc were screaming and raising hell. Finally Jimmy strangled > > >> the >croc > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> and let it float to the top like a K-mart goldfish. Jimmy then >slowly > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> disbelief. > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> Finally the host says, "Well, Jimmy, I reckon I owe you a > > >> million dollars." > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> Nah, you all right, I don't want it," said Jimmy. > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won > > >> the > >bet." > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> "How about half a million bucks then?" > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> "No thanks. I don't want it," answered Jimmy. > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That > > >> was > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> options?"Again Jimmy said no. > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> Confused, the rich man asked, "Well Jimmy, then what do you want?" > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> Jimmy said, "I want the name of the c*#t who pushed me in the > > >> Pool

Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six, but as they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us put them all on board the same sort of plane as yours." Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six moose were loaded. With full power the little plane struggled down the runway and finally lifted off, but the engine soon gave out and the plane crashed. Climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Seamus, "Any idea where we are?" Seamus looked around and replied "Bejasus Paddy, I tink we're pretty close to where we crashed last year!"