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Here is a transcript from the current Speed Magazine (issue 0:07). I found it absolutely hilarious. They are all real names given to actual production models in Japan.

DAIHATSU

Rugged Field Sports Resin Top (1997 model): What, did they give these away on Survivor Africa or something?

D-Bag: Could stand for Douche-Bag or Dime-Bag, or something else far less appealing than a tea bag.

Town Cube (an esky on wheels): A people mover and Rubik’s puzzle all wrapped up in one.

HONDA

Acty Crawler (a six wheel truck with tank-like treads: It'll clean your swimming pool in three hours all by itself.

Joy-Machine: Sex on wheels. Available in five-speed manual, four-speed auto and three-speed vibrate.

ISUZU

Big horn (1993 4WD): Either a tribute to jazz great Miles Davis or porn legend John Holmes. We're not sure.

Mysterious Utility Wizard (Current short-wheelbase Rodeo 4WD): Gandalf's transport in the upcoming film son of rajab of the Circle Work.

Giga 20 Light Dump: Standard specs include vanity mirrors, four cup holders and a toilet paper dispenser.

MITUBISHI

Pajero: What's weird about that? It translates directly to "mastabator" in Spanish.

Canter Guts (current Canter truck): The toughest ride for the blue singlet set. Imagine the tradie TV ads for this one.

Aero Queen (1990s tour coach): The bus of choise for those priscilla desert road trips - or Bronski Beat tours.

Delica Space Gear Cruising Active (1990s 4WD van): The hippie Kombi of the '90s. Availale in tie-dye. Frequently seen in the car park at Gratefull Dead concerts.

MUM 500 Shall We Join Us? (1993 micro car - and yes, the question is part of the name): Sounds like a dinning table on wheels with an optional dishwasher.

Mini Active Urban Sandal: Also comes in Ugh boot and Thong spec.

Liberto RVR Super Wild Gear: Redefines the term "dealer special". Usually seen parked next to tie-dyed Delica Space Gear Cruising Actives at Gratefull Dead concerts.

MAZDA

Carol (1962 KEI micro car): "On the first day of Cristmas my Mazda gave to me..."

Autozam Carol (1989 model based on the Suzuki Alto): "Autozam the red-nosed reindeer..."

Luce (1974 Japan-only RX-4): Pronounced "loose". Costs $100 for half and hour, or $150 for the full hour.

Luce Regard (1978 Crown-style model): "What's that you're driving tonight buddy?" "My sisters Luce." "So, the rumours are true!"

Bongo Brawny (current commercial van): It's named after a croc wrestler from the Northern Teritory, Bob Marley's old drummer or a new character on Bob the Builder - we're not exactly sure.

LaPuta (current KEI-class micro car): The shit. And you can take that whichever way you like.

NISSAN

Cedric 300LV VIP (current luxury sedan): Comes with a sherry dispenser for those long trips to the opera.

Gloria GranTurismo 300 Ultima-Z (current luxury sedan): The choice of hairdressers throughout Japan.

Leopard J Ferie: The drummer from Leopard Ferie's only got one arm!

Prairie Joy (curent people mover): Heart-warmingly bland van adored by Yanks named Billy Jo Jim Bob, Sue Ellen, etc.

Big Thumb Harmonized Truck (current semitrailer): The new album from Silverchair.

SUBARU

Justy (current Swift GTi look-alike): Rusty, Busty and Dusty lost out after poor feedback during market research.

Gravel Express (Japanese limited-edition WRX wagon): The hip new rally ****tail made from sake, vodka and soil.

SUZUKI

Alto Afternoon Tea (KEI-class micro car): Replaces the short-lived Alto Smoko.

Van Van (not a van at all, but a 1970 125cc motorbike): What what? Go figure figure.

Every Joy Pop Turbo: Named after an unreleased Spandau Ballet album.

TOYOTA

Synus: Sniff! Well, it sure beats Syphilis as a name.

Estima Lucida G Luxury Joyful Canopy: Shorter than Mitsubishi Ralliart Lancer Evolution VI Tommi Makinen Limited Edition, yet much dumber.

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    • I think my main complaint with your idea is that there is a veneer of idealism spread across it. You want the simple numbers to make it easier, but all they will do is make it easier for someone to come to the wrong conclusion because the fine details will kick them in the nuts. As it is right now, the tiny bit of arithmetic is NOT the obstacle to understanding what will fit and what will not fit. The reality of trying it is what determines whether it will fit. If you had a "standard rule" that R34 GTT guards have that magic 100mm space from the hub face to whichever side you were worried about, and someone said "excellent, this wheel is only 98mm in that direction, I'll just go spend $4k on them and jam them on my sick ride".....they would just as likely find out that the "standard rule" is not true because the rear subframe is offset to one side by a fairly typical (but variable) 8mm on their car and they only have 92mm on one side and 108 on the other.
    • It still combines inches with mm, especially when you have .5 inches involved, and mm and inches that can go in either direction. This would give a clear idea on both sides of the rim, right away, with no arithmetic. Even better if somebody gives you the dimensions of the arch of multiple cars. i.e GTR may be 125mm, a A80 Supra may be 117mm, or something along those lines. Yes, you can 'know' that going from a 10in rim to a 10.5in rim with the same offset moves both sides about 6mm, but you still have to 'know' that and do the math. Often it's combined. People are going from 9.5 +27 to 10.5 +15. You may do the math to know it, but if it was going from (I had to go look it up to be sure) 241mm/2 - 27 - 93.5mm from the center line to (more math) 266/2 - 15 (118mm) from the center line. Versus 93mm vs 118mm. It's right there. If you know you have a GTT with 100mm guards you can see right away that one is close to flush and the other absolutely won't work. And when someone says "Oh the GTR is 120mm" suddenly you see that the 10.5 +15 is about perfect. (or you go and buy rims with approximately 118mm outward guard space) I think it's safe to say that given one of the most common questions in all modified cars is "How do offsets work" and "How do I know if wheels will fit on my car" that this would be much simpler... Of course, nothing will really change and nobody is going to remanufacture wheels and ditch inches and offset based on this conversation :p We'll all go "18x9+30 will line up pretty close to the guards for a R34 GTT (84mm)" but 'pretty close' is still not really defined (it is now!) and if you really care you still have go measure. Yes it depends on camber and height and dynamic movement, but so do all wheels no matter what you measure it for.
    • But offsets are simple numbers. 8" wheel? Call it 200mm, near enough. +35 offset? OK, so that means the hub face is that far out from the wheel centreline. Which is 2s of mental arithmetic to get to 65mm to outer edge and 135mm to inner. It's hardly any more effort for any other wheel width or offset. As I said, I just close my eyes and can see a picture of the wheel when given the width and offset. That wouldn't help me trust that a marginal fitment would actually go in and clear everything, any more than the supposedly simple numbers you're talking about. I dunno. Maybe I just automatically do numbers.
    • Sure! But you at least have simple numbers instead of 8.5 inches +/mm, relative to your current rims you do maths with as well, and/or compare with OEM diameter, which you also need to know/research/confirm..
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