Evil Mother In Law Probs!

[nikr33]

Hi guys,

Long time since I have posted here....but anyways.......

I need advice on what to do about an evil mother in law (girlfriends Mum)

Long distance serious relationship with me here and her in QLD, she is considering moving down here but her mother is kicking up a huge stink and being totally unreasonable. Here is just some of the tactics she is using.....

Saying stuff like 'he doesn't love you, if he did, he would move here for you' He's only going to break up with you anyway....

Not talking to my G/F or being very cold to her.....

Saying that it is like she will be dead to the family and how can she betray her family like this.

Saying that if she moves here, and we get married she won't attend the wedding (which to a chick is a huge thing)

Its got to the stage where my girlfriend won't let me visit her up there, she always comes here because she is scared of her mother and what might happen if I go there. Her Mum doesn't even have a licence or work and relies on her kids to drive her around and pay the rent / food etc.

THe thing is that she is nice as pie until something doesn't go her way, then shes using guilt trips, blackmail etc, and basically disowning her own daughter for doing nothing other than following her heart.

I love my girlfriend heaps, but I don't know how much more of this crap I can take, and the whole time I am here and she is there, her Mum is in her ear trying to break us up cause shes a selfish jealous bitch!!

The sad thing is that my girlfriend can see what her Mum is trying to do but still has alleigance to her just because its her Mum. She actually wants to move here but is having to put up with sooo much rubbish thats its nearly tearing us apart.

I know this is nothing about cars, but I drive a line, so please help a bro out!

PLEASE HELP ME BEFORE I GO MAD!!!!!!!!!!!

[madaz R33]

its definetly between a rock and hard place, u cant really do anything, its up to ure g/f to "cut the apron strings" if she cant/doesnt/wont u have ure answer. btw how old is ure g/f as that mite have a bearing on things

[nikr33]

its definetly between a rock and hard place, u cant really do anything, its up to ure g/f to "cut the apron strings" if she cant/doesnt/wont u have ure answer. btw how old is ure g/f as that mite have a bearing on things

Shes 22, I'm 24

It's not like im some dodgy bloke her Mum's trying to protect her from either. I'm an accountant with my own business, not a dole bludging bum!

[West]

Buy her a gift voucher to dive at the reefs,

Then on the day, make sure you load your boat with lots of raw meats, chuck them down where she's diving, simple . Just kidding, what nationality is your GF may i ask?

[eMsta]

Shes 22, I'm 24

It's not like im some dodgy bloke her Mum's trying to protect her from either. I'm an accountant with my own business, not a dole bludging bum!

she needs to make up her mind bro - from what you have told me on msn, things are going well with you both. She just has to be strong in making her decision, and you just have to support her through it. Some parents tend to get a bit farked in the head - but ultimately its up to the couple to decide what they wanna do, not the parents. If your girl wants to move down to geelong, then organise everything for her (though i know she already feels welcome). Parents like that will always bitch no matter what, but you have to consider whats good for yourself - if you know what i mean.

[nikr33]

Buy her a gift voucher to dive at the reefs,

Then on the day, make sure you load your boat with lots of raw meats, chuck them down where she's diving, simple . Just kidding, what nationality is your GF may i ask?

Sounds like a plan!! Anyone know a good butcher with a few free offcuts?

She's 100% aussie

[saff_cossie]

Buy her a gift voucher to dive at the reefs,

Then on the day, make sure you load your boat with lots of raw meats, chuck them down where she's diving, simple . Just kidding, what nationality is your GF may i ask?

ROFL!!! I can just see little West there, wearing the singlet and throwing meat over the edge to help his buddy! :laughing-smiley-014:

As for the question,

If she is serious about you, she will come down with or without her mothers blessing. Its a tough call to make for her but I do know of some ethnic groups that are very home and familyl orientated.

Tough call though and you definately don't need her mother in law making the long distance relationship any easier. She is probably just jealous as you are not a local boy up there she can hit on

Hope you get it sorted.

[Kaz200]

That whole 'blood is thicker than water' thing is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

If someone is causing problems in your life, it shouldn't matter who they are, IF they don't have YOUR best interests at heart then you shouldn't go out of your way for them/to please them or put yourself at a disadvantage because they're unhappy.

Sometimes you are better off if you just cut off your 'family' and make your own, it's much better! You can never be at a disadvantage making the family you want and ignoring negative influences, if you had kids already your first priority would be protecting them.

I don't know if that's the best option for your GF tho as I'm not in her position.

I think in your situation, either way your gf's mother is doing nothing but turning her own daughter against her. No matter what, you should always be supportive in everything your child does, even if you don't agree with it, because ultimately they'll do whatever they want and at the very least you want to be there for them if it doesn't work out.

Saying things like 'I won't attend a wedding' will do nothing but make your GF disappointed with her and not with you.

My only advice really is to be supportive, be there for her and give her no reason to believe anything her mother says. Just let her mother dig her own hole, there's not much else you can do really. If she can't see past the manipulation then it's not something you'd want to live with for another 20 yrs anyway, believe me it's very exhausting and frustrating.

I know exactly what you mean about the nice as pie bit.. gawd they can be so manipulative, esp when they have no life and need entertainment and want attn all the time. Just be glad you're not living with it already.

[nikr33]

Very good advice Kaz,

Im trying to be as supportive as I can, but its hard when my girlfriend doesn't tell me everything that is going on up there, so I don't know what to say at times, other than that I'm here for her whenever she needs me.

You're right though, her Mum is digging her own grave and what she doesn't realise is that the more she carries on like this, the slimmer the chance that I would ever move up there.

Cause if I moved up there Im sure everything would be sweet for a while, until there was something else she wanted or wasn't happy with, then she would start the whole caper all over again....no way, I'm not that stupid!!

[FINER6]

My cousin went through the same thing with a girl up on the gold coast... must be the water up there.

He ended up having her 'visit on holiday' for longer and longer periods of time... until she was staying for periods of upto 3 weeks and more. It ended up being that she was really holidaying back at the Gold Coast. The mother soon adapted to the new setup and it wasn't as hard for her to let go.

His game plan took over 18 months and cost him a lot of money, but I believe it was worth it. She is a great chick and they are now married with a kid..

[Kaz200]

lol I did write something along the lines of.. you only know what your GF tells you and sometimes it can be translated or interpreted wrong, blown out of proportion or not enough.. but I deleted it caus it was already a novel (as usual)

You also have to be careful what position you put yourself in. It's like when a friend whinges about their g/f or b/f and you agree saying 'yes they totally treat you like crap'.. and then the next day they're all peachy again and they get really defensive if you say anything remotely negative about their partner, their relationship, or their solution to yesterday's problem. Then they'll be real distant until they're single or having problems again.

And yeah, once you sort out one problem, there'll always be another.

Hopefully she'll put her foot down and tell her mother to back off & be supportive if she wants to continue to be in her life.

[Nismo Racer]

What Kaz180 said

[RCHOO]

I think you need to go and talk to her mum..(1on1)

And put you intentions on the table..

And show her your a man..

[nikr33]

I think you need to go and talk to her mum..(1on1)

And put you intentions on the table..

And show her your a man..

I totally agree with you on that one........

But from what I have been told, her Mum wants to have nothing to do with me and won't talk to me

Honestly, you haven't met this woman, she can't be reasoned with, even if she is totally wrong.

To her, the only option is her option, nobody elses thoughts count.

[allblitz]

Ohh the mother in laws !

[NickR33]

dump her and see how quick she packs her bags haha;)

seriously tho long distance relationships suck and you are asking for trouble... but if you are really serious be patient and keep paying for her to fly down and see you... then as FINER6 said, just have her stay longer and longer each time... then hook her up some 'casual' work down here... sooner or later her mum will have to accept defeat!

Ps. My GF is greek australian and I'm not... she can't move in with me so she moved out with a friend (which was a big enough deal to start with!)... 200 metres up the road from me hahaha!

[DogKnight]

After just having a long distance relationship fail on me after 4 years, the only advice I can really give at this point is that it gets even harder the longer it goes on, even if things are peachy, so get together as soon as possible.

[Rekin]

I'm an accountant

Well there's your problem

Q: What's the definition of an accountant?

A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

[LTHLRB]

pay me enough and ill have your mother in law taken care of

[adznight]

After just having a long distance relationship fail on me after 4 years, the only advice I can really give at this point is that it gets even harder the longer it goes on, even if things are peachy, so get together as soon as possible.

On the mark there I reckon mate. If she's worth it move to her, things will work out, there's always work for accountants and she'll be closer to her mum so they'll patch things up. Plus the weather is better up there and no Vic TMU