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The International Council Of Man Laws.

R DIRTY 3

By R DIRTY 3,
in WA Wasteland

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R DIRTY 3 Grand Master

R DIRTY 3

Posted
Posted

The International Council of Man Laws.

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.

© After wrecking your boss's car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

9: You may f@rt in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have s_x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey s_x. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.

25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360 End of story.

26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

27: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

· 'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'

· 'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next wench!'

We hope this clears up any confusion,

The International Council of Man Laws.

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ossie_21 Grand Master

ossie_21

Posted
Posted
The International Council of Man Laws.

8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

:bomb_ie:

sh@un Grand Master

sh@un

Posted
Posted
24: Thou shall not buy (or respray) a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.

well, that rules out half the male population of south western sydney for manhood, then...

jenkies Mentor

jenkies

Posted
Posted

thats magic!

especially definition of balls and guts!! its funny cause its true....

i personally like to let the lady in the drivers seat.... she stalls it 5 times with the brass button clutch then sais here u drive, i can't.. then take off smooth as silk... then she gets creamy over your manly clutch skills :rofl: ...p.s. i dont ahve a liscence atm so i cant drive :w00t:

so tru about the fly down thing!

Stinky Rooster Grand Master

Stinky Rooster

Posted
Posted

It's tough being a Man

Do you know how tough it is being a man...?

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.

If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.

If you work too hard there is never any time for her.

If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.

If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favouritism.

If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.

If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp.

If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.

If she asks you, it's a favour.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're pervert.

If you don't, you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.

If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.

If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.

If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself.

If you don't, you're not ambitious.

If she has a head ache, she's tired.

If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you want it Too often, you're oversexed.

If you don't, there must be someone else.

NO WONDER MEN DIE BEFORE WOMEN! ........ THEY WANT TO!!

  • 1 month later...
MeLSki Veteran

MeLSki

Posted
Posted

I'm really sorry I know I shouldn't be reading this...being female and all..but it makes me laugh... guys are so confusing and complex! For example:

25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360 End of story.

.......I would LOVE an X Box 360 for christmas...in fact I'd probably cry with joy!

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

......and what about when you're a better driver than him? or when he's drunk? Or when you.....steal his keys lo

MeLSki Veteran

MeLSki

Posted
Posted

Hahaha but they are! All these rules! And then you tell them something and they go "i don't understand what ur so upset about" it's like ummm idiot I just told you! Yep guys are confusing and complex because they can't just be themselves they've got all these social rules lol :D

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