Jokes!

[JDM032]

a man walked into a bar

Edited November 2, 2008 by JDM032

[Krishy]

hahahah nathan^^^ the simplest and the oldest joke around

[fullyhyperlite]

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing. His eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There's silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "Okay, now what?"

[craig R33]

haha well what do ya know.....junior Ranga DOES have a sence of humor

[4door_Sleeper]

haha well what do ya know.....junior Ranga DOES have a sence of humor

Rangers dont have a sence of humor (its a human emotion)

they just remember what other people say. LOL

[JDM032]

krishy

[aahh31]

what do you call a female to male sex change?

a strapadictome..................

[JulzR32]

2 nuns were out riding their bikes to the market, they decided to take a different route.

The 1st nun leant over and said to the 2nd nun quietly, i've never come this way before'

the 2nd nun replied saying, " me too, its the cobblestones"...

lol

[SLEEPR85]

A man and woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reaches over and slices the man's penis off and angrily tosses it out the car window.

Driving behind the couple is a man and his 12 year old daughter. The little girl is chatting away at her father, when all of a sudden, the penis smacks against the windshield, sticks for a moment, then flies off.

Surprised, the daughter asks her father," Daddy, what was that?"

Not wanting to expose his twelve year old daughter to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replies," It was only a bug, Honey."

The daughter sits with a confused look on her face and after a few minutes says," Sure had a big penis, didn't it?"

[typevu]

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9.

[Damo_R34]

> Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from

> a farmer for $100.

>

> The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. The

> next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the

> donkey died.' Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my

> money back.'

>

> The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it

> already.' Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

>

> The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him? Chuck said, 'I'm going to

> raffle him off.' The farmer said You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'

> Chuck said, 'Sure I can Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

>

> A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened

> with that dead donkey?' Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500

> tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.'

>

> The farmer said,

> 'Didn't anyone complain?' Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave

> him

> his two dollars back.'

[DIOR 33]

watch this

[SLEEPR85]

After a hailstorm, a blonde finds her car full of dings. She takes it to the local body shop and asks how to remove them.

The mechanic, deciding to mess with her, says, "Oh, all you have to do is put your mouth on the tailpipe and blow as hard as you can. They'll pop right out."

The blonde goes home, parks her car in front of her house and starts blowing on the tailpipe as hard as she can.

Meanwhile, her blonde friend drives by and asks what she's up to. "I’m just trying to get the dings out of my car," she says. Her friend replies, "You're so stupid. If you want that to work you have to roll up the windows."

[RubyRS4]

Did you read that one Kell ^^^

If you want to get any dents out ...........

[DIOR 33]

After a hailstorm, a blonde finds her car full of dings. She takes it to the local body shop and asks how to remove them.

The mechanic, deciding to mess with her, says, "Oh, all you have to do is put your mouth on the tailpipe and blow as hard as you can. They'll pop right out."

The blonde goes home, parks her car in front of her house and starts blowing on the tailpipe as hard as she can.

Meanwhile, her blonde friend drives by and asks what she's up to. "I'm just trying to get the dings out of my car," she says. Her friend replies, "You're so stupid. If you want that to work you have to roll up the windows."

might give that a go thanx for the tip

[JDM032]

Did you read that one Kell ^^^

If you want to get any dents out ...........

you would need a really big mouth to fit around the exhaust on her car

oh wait

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

thats wat this thread is all about haha

[typevu]

[JDM032]

im gonna get in soooooooo much shit from that last one haha

[Sklyn]

A real story by a Man who was standing in a queue in

> Tesco's.........

>

> I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Winalot in

> Tesco and was

> standing in the queue at the till.

>

> A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

>

> On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot

> Diet again,

> although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up

> in the hospital last

> time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in

> an intensive care

> ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs

> in both arms.

>

> I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the

> way that it

> works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets

> and simply

> eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the

> food is

> nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

>

> I have to mention here that practically everyone in the

> queue was by now

> enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind

> her.

>

> Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in

> that condition

> because I had been poisoned. I told her no, it was because

> I'd been

> sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.

>

> I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was

> laughing so

> hard as he staggered out the door.

>

> Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food??!

[Dohmar]

Two dyslexic bank robbers walk into a bank shouting: "Air in the hands motherstickers, this is a f**kup!"