Jokes!

[Damo_R34]

LOL

[Luciano]

an oldie but a goodie:

An Aussie was sitting at a bar in Sydney when this huge, heavily built American guy walks in.

As he passes the Aussie, he hits him on the neck knocking him to the floor.

The big Yank says "That's a karate chop from Korea."

Well, the Aussie gets back on his barstool and resumes drinking his beer.

The big Yank then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by the Aussie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the floor.

"That's a judo chop from Japan", he says.

The Aussie decides he's had enough and leaves.

A half hour later he comes back and sees the burly Yank bastard sitting at the bar.

He walks up behind him and smacks him on the head, knocking him out.

The Aussie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up mate, tell him that was a f$#%in' crowbar from Bunnings."

[Ryanrb25]

lol

What's PINK and FLUFFY?

PINK FLUFF

[RubyRS4]

lol

What's PINK and FLUFFY?

PINK FLUFF

You been going thru my drawers again!

[SLEEPR85]

A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'' She calls on little Johnny.

''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''

The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'' Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?''

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, ''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''

''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking.''

[frankyp11]

I couldn't be bothered writing a joke here a some funny pics. A picture says a thousand words right

Man VS Woman

VB Maaaaate !!!!!!!

US vs Europe

Arnie

[Damo_R34]

A platoon of soldiers was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an Australian soldier in a similar but less serious state.

The soldier was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the Platoon Leader asked the injured Australian what had happened.

The soldier reported, 'I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent.' We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved.

He yelled back that Kevin Rudd is a bureaucratic, Good-for-nothing, left wing labour dickhead who knows bugger all about running the country.'

'So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!'

He retaliated by yelling, 'Oh yeah? Well, so does Julia Gillard !'

And, there we were, in the middle of the road, laughing, shaking hands, when a bloody truck hit us.'

AND IM SURE YOU GUYS HAVE SEEN THIS ONE

From: Niresh Regmi

Sent: Wednesday, 27 August 2008 9:35 a.m.

To: Kyle Doyle

Subject: Absence on Thursday 21st 2008

Hi Kyle,

Please provide a medical certificate stating a valid reason for your sick leave on Thursday 21st 2008.

Thank You

NIRESH REGMI

Real Time Manager, Workforce Operations

Ground Floor, 30 Ross Street, Glebe, NSW, 2037

T: +61 2 9009 1329 Extn:61329

F: + 61 2 9009 1734

W: www.aapt.com.au

E: [email protected]

This communication, including any attachments, is confidential. If you are not the intended recipient, you should not read it - please contact me immediately, destroy it, and do not copy or use any part of this communication or disclose anything about it.

________________________________________________________________________________

_________________

From: Kyle Doyle

Sent: Wednesday, 27 August 2008 9:38 a.m.

To: Niresh Regmi

Subject: RE: Absence on Thursday 21st 2008

Niresh,

1 day leave absences do not require a medical certificate as stated in my contract, provided I have stated that I am on leave for medical reasons.

Thanks

Regards,

Kyle Doyle

Resolutions Expert - Technical

________________________________________________________________________________

_______

From: Niresh Regmi

Sent: Wednesday, 27 August 2008 9:39 a.m.

To: Kyle Doyle

Subject: RE: Absence on Thursday 21st 2008

Hi Kyle,

Usually that is the case, as per your contract. However please note that leave during these occasions is only granted for genuine medical reasons. You line manager has determined that your leave was not due to medical reasons and as such we cannot grant leave on this occasion.

NIRESH REGMI

Real Time Manager, Workforce Operations

Ground Floor, 30 Ross Street, Glebe, NSW, 2037

T: +61 2 9009 1329 Extn:61329

F: + 61 2 9009 1734

W: www.aapt.com.au

E: [email protected]

________________________________________________________________________________

____________________

From: Kyle Doyle

Sent: Wednesday, 27 August 2008 9:43 a.m.

To: Niresh Regmi

Subject: RE: Absence on Thursday 21st 2008

Hi Niresh,

My leave was due to medical reasons, so you cannot deny leave based on a line manager’s discretion, with no proof, please process leave as requested.

Thanks

Regards,

Kyle Doyle

Resolutions Expert - Technical

________________________________________________________________________________

__________

From: Niresh Regmi

Sent: Wednesday, 27 August 2008 9:50 a.m.

To: Kyle Doyle

Subject: RE: Absence on Thursday 21st 2008

Hi Kyle,

I believe the proof that you are after is below

NIRESH REGMI

Real Time Manager, Workforce Operations

Ground Floor, 30 Ross Street, Glebe, NSW, 2037

T: +61 2 9009 1329 Extn:61329

F: + 61 2 9009 1734

W: www.aapt.com.au

E: [email protected]

[Krishy]

yeah seen that last week i think damo

but good for a laugh none the less

[craig R33]

shit, old arni has let himself go!

[RubyRS4]

shit, old arni has let himself go!

Thats a Photochop job

[Inline 6]

http://www.geocities.com/rcklub/info.html

[RubyRS4]

http://www.geocities.com/rcklub/info.html

Thats the best joke! ^^^

[Damo_R34]

this pretty much sums them up in one picture

[mid life crisis]

When girls don't put out!!

This was written by a guy ... it's pretty damn smart.

Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all

dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

Alright Ladies. Forward this if you agree. Hell even if you disagree, forward it anyway.

Men, forward this if you have BALLS !!!

[Inline 6]

nice

men forward this if you no longer want your balls might be a more realistic comment at the end

[pokie]

The Little Girl And A Bird

Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading.

The girl came up to him and asked "What do you have under the newspaper, mister?"

"A bird," the guy replied. The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep.

When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, "Idon't know.

I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I'm here."

Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her "What did you do to that naked fellow?"

After a little pause, the girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire."

[IZZMO 33]

Im prob gonna get caned for bad taste here... but hell i found it funny... and theres no rules stated for this thread so...

What colours a baby in a microwave???

I dunno, i was too busy jacking off......

sorry in advance to anyone offended

[pokie]

lol that's nasty.

mid_life_crisis- even though i've heard/read it a few time i still find it friggan hilarious

thank god i hate shopping haha

[Ravyk]

lol

What's PINK and FLUFFY?

PINK FLUFF

Whats BROWN and STICKY??

A Stick

this pretty much sums them up in one picture

my cousins did that to their trailer tyre once, travelling across the nullabor, although it was a lot more shredded than that photo

[Damo_R34]

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a Construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.

He says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."

And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."

He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. "I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand."

So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched.

He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"

The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."

The Scotsman replies, "Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin' him neither."

The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent.

Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells,

"SUPPLIES!!!!"