Jump to content
SAU Community

Recommended Posts

old but still good, this is what started the drop bears thing

These were posted on an Australian tourism forum and the answers are the actual responses from the Aussie forum users...

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross... come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races.... come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, friendly and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. Human urine should be used as a repellent before going out walking.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay night clubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/7/#findComment-4566959
Share on other sites

apologies if this offends, but its funny none-the-less

A Somalian arrives in Sydney as a new immigrant to Australia.

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says........

'Thank you Mr. Australian for letting me in this country, giving me housing, money for food, free medical care, free education and no taxes!'

The passerby says, 'You are mistaken, I am a Lebanese!'

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. 'Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Australia'

The person says, 'I not an Ozzie, I from Yugoslavian!'

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, 'Thank you to the wonderful Australians!'

That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from Italy , I am not from Australia!'

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you an Australian'

She says , 'No, I am from Africa!'

Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the Australians?'

The African lady checks her watch and says ....'Probably at work'

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/7/#findComment-4581529
Share on other sites

Here's a good one, IMO :D

An engineer died and reported to the pearly gates. An intern angel, filling in for St. Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, "Ah, you're an engineer; you're in the wrong place."

So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons.

One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan laughed and replied, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God's face clouded over and he exploded, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake; he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan shook his head, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God was as mad as he had ever been, "This is not the way things are supposed to work and you know it. Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughed uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/7/#findComment-4582930
Share on other sites

ohh bringing up fails on car domain,

thought I'd add this mega FAIL!!!

http://www.cardomain.com/ride/2138995

bro, if u didn't say the "r33 conversion" i wouldn't notice it as prelude... skyline on the out,prelude inside... nice job!!!

check out mine...

LOL.

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/7/#findComment-4589010
Share on other sites

Im assuming it was done a fair while ago. otherwise the cost of the kit would be more than the diff between the R33 and the honda.

gangsta rated #3 on webpage

http://www.cardomain.com/ride/3297153

Edited by Inline 6
Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/7/#findComment-4589069
Share on other sites

http://www.cardomain.com/ride/608617

Click on the link and u'll essentially ROFL on the ground ahhhh americans FAIL again :D:P

OMG LOL small world ,,, I saw that RAV4 last time I was in USA,,, yes Im from Colorado

good find jugz

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/7/#findComment-4589282
Share on other sites

Im assuming it was done a fair while ago. otherwise the cost of the kit would be more than the diff between the R33 and the honda.

gangsta rated #3 on webpage

http://www.cardomain.com/ride/3297153

that is a old cop car impala , a common and very ugly site to see in USA, Ghetto car about the size of a oil tanker...

god Im glad I dont see cars that bad here..lol Holden at least has some style ???

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/7/#findComment-4589290
Share on other sites

I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age?!

I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She said I had to stop wanking. When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"

I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?

A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a d!ldo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect." To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a c*ck like that."

My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed. "It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning." He replied, "No, just having a sh!t."

Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/7/#findComment-4589965
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now



  • Latest Posts

    • GTSBoy on your suggestion on another thread I had a look at those injectors and ended up getting them because of the quality.  Got the expensive ones.  
    • Hey guys been looking everywhere to try and find the correct gtr hood latch support part number but only found the first half and when I search with that number it sends me to an r34. The first part I found was 62515. If anyone could help me with the rest then I’d really appreciate it. Or if there’s some alternative hood latch support that would work even better cause I can’t find any for sale. (Searched on upgarage, partsouq,buyee,rhdjapan) 
    • If you've only done the upper control arms on the rear, AND you have changed their length (by more than about 1mm) to set the camber you want, then you will definitely need/want to install traction arms also. Adjusting the camber arms on their own WILL introduce bump steer and make the car unpleasant to drive. Most owners have no idea that their car could behave infinitely better than what they put up with. I'm not entirely sure what the Stageas need, but I am thinking that unless you have massive front spring rates and pretty soft rear springs, you have waaaay too much rear bar. Oversteer city, in my estimation. Combined with possible excessive bump steer from maladjusted arms, that could be a recipe for nastiness. ATR43SS2 is not a highflow. It is an outright replacement turbo. It's a little bit bigger than the largest highflow profile that Tao does. Probably a solid 300rwkW turbo where the bigger highflows will be about 30-40rwkW less. Nevertheless, we're only talking about ~300 rwkW, which is well within the abilities of the stock ECu to run with a Nistune on board. I would do so without hesitation - and I will be doing so when I get my finger out and actually get the injectors and AFM installed. But, if you would prefer to drop a whole lot more money on the ECU side, then I suspect you're looking at Haltech. The Haltech fanbois here will all spout on about all the available engine protection you can have, that you can't have with the Nistune option. And they're right. But it doesn't really come for free either. You will spend more money on extra sensors and the like, plus the work to install them. If the engine was built and therefore represented a big investment to protect, then I'd say definitely do it. If you view the current (and forever into the future) shortage of replacement engines as something to prompt similar protection, then also, do it. If you see a destroyed RB25 as an opportunity to put in a Mercedes or other V12 (like I kinda do)... then your perception of the risk/reward might differ. These are good injectors. You can also get a "better" set of the same with more flow matching, for more $$. 1000cc is where you will want to be. You will need an R35 AFM and adapter tube if you want to stay with Nistuned stock ECU. Otherwise, if going Haltech, you can ignore. As for intercooler. Just about anything will do. You're only talking about ~300rwkW. Just put a big core in there. Be aware that return flows do add significant pressure drop and will cost power and will make the turbo work harder to achieve the same goals. If you can manage a proper crossflow, do it. I'm keeping my very good return flow because I'm only expecting to be in the ~250rwkW range, and will live with whatever outcome I get.
    • I have a heap that i have collected if you want some authentic ones still. Pm me if your interested!
×
×
  • Create New...