Jokes!

[Krishy]

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture", and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.

Here are some real examples that have been heard or

reported:

1. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant

crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached

cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for

your comfort, and to enhance the appearance of your flight

attendants."

2. On landing the stewardess said, "There may be 50 ways to leave

your lover, but there are only 4 ways out off this airplane."

3. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington

National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella.

WHOA!"

4. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in

Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please

take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a

landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

5. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will

descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull

it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you,

secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with

more than one small child, pick your favorite."

[Jacko_Wood]

Hey guys got some abo jokes for ya.

Whats faster than a aboriginal with a plasma TV............. His brother out the front with the DVD player.

What do u do when you see a aboriginal.......... Stop laughing and reload.

There's to aboriginals in a car who's driving............... The police.

How do you stop a aboriginal from drowning........... Take your foot off his head.

What do you call a bus load of aboriginals driving off a cliff.............. A start.

What is the difference between a aboriginal and a park bench............... The bench can support a family.

[Jacko_Wood]

hey guys i got some woman jokes for ya enjoy!!

How many man does it take to open a beer.......... None it should be open when she gives it to you.

Why do woman have such small feet............. So they can get closer to the sink.

Why did the woman cross the road............... she shouldn't have she should be washing the dishes.

What do woman and tornado's have in common............... they blow they suck then take ya house.

[Inline 6]

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?

A: Who cares ... what the f**k was she doing out of the kitchen???

Why did the woman cross the road............... she shouldn't have she should be washing the dishes.

snap

[Krishy]

thanks captain obvious

[RubyRS4]

Mine was funnier

[Madaz]

racist jokes have no room on SAU

[Jacko_Wood]

Whats furry green and if fell out of a tree and would kill you.................. A pool table.

[Jacko_Wood]

Whats purple and smell's like paint......... Purple paint Lololol

[Damo_R34]

dude, they are rank.

[Krishy]

its funny in high school damo.....

[RubyRS4]

its funny in high school damo.....

I was thinking kindergarten, Krishy

[Dohmar]

dude, they are rank.

Whats brown and sticky?

A stick

-D

[BIT SUS]

Dear People of Australia ,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the

Economy, your Government has decided to implement a scheme to put

Workers 50 years of age and older on early retirement. This scheme

Will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the government to be eligible

For the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the

SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be

RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the government

Deems appropriate.

Only persons who have been RAPED can get AIDS (Additional Income for

Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel

Early Severance). Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not

Be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the government..

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on, will receive as much SHIT

(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The government

Has always prided itself in the amount of SHIT it gives out. Should

You feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the

Attention of your local MP. They have been trained to give you all the

SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,

Kevin Rudd

Canberra

[Dohmar]

^ hahaaa I likes

-D

[skins]

Why Men Have Better Friends

Women's Friends: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The husband called his wife's ten best friends. None of them had seen her or knew what he was talking about.

Men's Friends: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The wife called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

[Madaz]

hahahah thats gold

[TURBZ]

What's the useless skin around the vagina called?

The woman.

[Dohmar]

Q: What do u call a Greek Paratrooper?

A: Con Descending

-D

[Krishy]

bahahhah thats a good one Ben