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A joke for the day

Tosh

By Tosh,
in New South Wales

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Kero Mentor

Kero

Posted
Posted

Dog vs Porcupine

Somewhere out there is a naked Porcupine.

Inca apparently did not know when to quit when she encountered the porcupine on Victoria Day, May 23rd.

These are the pictures the vet sent before the long (and expensive) procedure to remove the quills. She had thousands of quills, and her tongue was so covered, she could not close her mouth.

It was pretty scary at first. She is doing okay now, but looks like a World War III survivor as they had to cut some out in places, stitched between her toes, and many quills bled on removal.

There are still quills buried in her, but they should work their way out over time (I pulled four more today).

She is on antibiotics and pain meds and thankfully is doing quite well.

Kero Mentor

Kero

Posted
Posted

BERLIN, Germany:

A 34 year old auto-worker was rushed to the emergency ward this weekend when his g*nitals started to suffer from necropsy.

The unidentified man had a strange fetish for an extreme form of g*nital chastity which stopped the blood flow to his testicles and p*nis for more than four days.

The married father of four claimed he enjoyed the constriction caused by the pipe-fitting rings used in valves at the assembly plant where he worked, and that his wife had no idea about his strange liking.

He is quoted as saying that he would leave them on for days at a Time and usually had no problem removing them.

Unable to get the device off his g*nitals the man went to a friends home who was also unable to remove the metal rings. Complaining of loss of sensation he then went to the local hospital where shocked and horrified medical team had to call in a locksmith to blast the homemade vice open.

After four hours of drilling the device was removed, and doctors are still not certain if the mans g*nitals will have to be removed due to onset of gangrene.

Warning: Not for the faint hearted.

d00dz Grand Master

d00dz

Posted
Posted

Classification: UNCLASSIFIED

From the State where drink driving is considered a sport, comes a true

story from the Sunshine Coast, Queensland.

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighborhood

tavern. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar

so

intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the

officer

quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on

five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into.

He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the

bar

and drove off.

Finally started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine

dry

night), flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then

switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches,

reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes

as

some more vehicles left.

At last he pulled out of car park and started to drive slowly down the

road.

The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, started up

the

patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over

and

carried out a Breathalyzer test.

To his amazement the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man

having

consumed alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to

the

Police station this breath-analyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy". True

story.

Kero Mentor

Kero

Posted
Posted

Bony Church - Amazing

Truth is sometimes stranger than fiction, and how about 70 kilometres east

the capital of the Czech Republic, Prague, lies a small town called Sedlec.

It might have been an ordinary enough town, if not for its extraordinary

church. The inside of this church is decorated with artworks made of real

human bones. The story begins in 1218, when a certain Abbot Henry made a

pilgrimage to the holy land and brought back a jar full of soil from

cemetery, which he spread over the Church. As a result the church came to be

regarded as more sacred and turned into a popular burial spot.

By 1318, more than 30,000 bodies were buried there and by 1511, it had

become necessary to remove the older bones to make place for the new ones.

These later became the material for the macabre creations.

In 1870 a local woodcarver was hired by the Duke of Shwartzenberg to

decorate the inside of the church with the human remains (approximately 40,000 sets of human bones).

Now it is one of the most extraordinary church in the

whole world.... Bony Church - isn't it morbidly amazing???

Attached are some of the pictures of this Bony Church - its simply astonishing

post-3069-1123114512.jpg

post-3069-1123114528.jpg

post-3069-1123114592.jpg

post-3069-1123114602.jpg

post-3069-1123114612.jpg

post-3069-1123114625.jpg

post-3069-1123114637.jpg

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