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A joke for the day

Tosh

By Tosh,
in New South Wales

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Angry Fist Enthusiast

Angry Fist

Posted
Posted
CITY OF PARRAMATTA

 

MATHEMATICS EXAM

 

NAME ............................

 

GANG ............................

 

Time allowed 1 hour

 

 

 

1. If Mohamed lowers his WRX 2 inches front and back and puts on stolen 18-inch Auscar slotted wheels, how many inches has he originally lost from the stock suspension?

2. If Con needs 3 razors a day to stay clean shaved, how many razors will he need before he goes to the gym at 8.00pm?

3. If Mustaffa runs 10 km from the Police in Lidcombe to Auburn then steals a car and drives another 5 km to , how many kilometres has he travelled if he ends up hiding in Chullora Shopping Centre?

 

4. Phan has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an "8 ball" to Hamil for $320.00 and 2 grams to Dak Hoang for $85.00 per gram, what is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it?

 

5. If Darren receives $200.00 per week disability allowance from Centrelink and works for his brother as a builder and receives a further $400.00 per week and then pays $10.00 per week for each of his 11 children for school, how much money does he have left to buy a smashed Tarago from the Blacktown Wreckers?

 

6. If Soula needs 25 mls of wax per day to get rid of her facial hair and Soula is only 19 years old, how many mls will her mother need if she is 47?

 

7. Mohamed has an AK-47 with 2 x 30 round clips. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive-by shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attend before he has to reload?

 

8. If Abdo runs a Donor Kebab shop in Wentworthville Plaza and works as a Taxi driver on weekends and earns $1,200.00 per week, how much does Centrelink give him for his job search allowance?

 

9. If Parramatta's ethnic community is increasing at a rate of 3.5% per month, the overall population increasing at 2.1 % per month, at what rate are the Aussies leaving?

 

10. Quang is pimping for three girls. If the price is $75.00 for the trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so that Quang can pay for his $200 per day crack habit?

 

11. If Luigi drives his family and cousins all in one car from Parramatta to Granville, how many round trips will he need to make if 40 of his relatives need a lift and he can put 12 people in his Valiant at any one given time?

 

12. If Mario's dad has his top 3 buttons of his shirt open and reveals 1 x golden cross and 2 other golden ornaments, and has approximately 17 sq cm of hair coming from his chest with an average length of 2 cm, what is the probability that the ornaments will be visible from:

a) 2 feet away .....%

B) 5 feet away .....%

c) 100 feet away .....%

 

END OF EXAM

:lol: :lol: :lol: I almost pissed myself laughing ROFL!

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Patto- Mentor

Patto-

Posted
Posted (edited)

A guy sees a sign in front of a house:

"Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The

guy goes into the backyard and sees a black Lab just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I

wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no

time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with

spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be

eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.

"The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any

younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the

airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near

suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered! some incredible

dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals.

"Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the

dog.

"Ten dollars."

The guy is dumbfounded. "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling

him so cheap?"

"He's a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."

Edited by shyster
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Patto- Mentor

Patto-

Posted
Posted (edited)

Where the hell do you get all this stuff Kero?

I get some stuff emailed to me, but nothing like this. It's a shame all those older photos are gone. I wanted to send them to my mates who constantly send me funny sh1t like this.

Edited by shyster
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Kero Mentor

Kero

Posted
Posted
Where the hell do you get all this stuff Kero?

I get some stuff emailed to me, but nothing like this. It's a shame all those older photos are gone. I wanted to send them to my mates who constantly send me funny sh1t like this.

The more people you send this shit too the more i seem to get back...

Yeah its a shame all the previous images disappeared when the forum was upgraded... it has been well over a years work this thread now :)

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Kero Mentor

Kero

Posted
Posted

Playboy Germany

You gotta give it to the Germans – very creative indeed...

These billboard advertisements were printed on special paper, with special ink that reacts to moisture, i.e. rain.

Following are 2 photos :

1. The billboard in ‘dry state’

2. The billboard, after it’s rained.

post-3069-1129866945.jpg

post-3069-1129866982.jpg

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