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dudez heres one i got off big brother

a man and his sister were going to a party and on the way they stopped at a bar and he asked his sister to get him a beer...

he waited in the taxi for half an hour and then went in and saw that the barman had tied her up and was completely lickin her out on the bar table.

he called the cops and the couldnt do anything

u know y??

he had a liquor license

aaaaaaaaaaaaa..hahahahhhhaaahaaahahaha.......ggoooolld!!!..........u idiot!!!

bloke is sitting at a bar havin a coldie when a yank walks up to him from behind and smacks him of his stool to the ground...................

the aussie gets up..what the f.ck was that???????

yank replies "that was a kung fu move from japan"

The aussie ignores it, sits back at the bar and continues drinking...when as soon as he sat down hes been dropped again .....he gets up "what the f.cks wrong with you?" the yank replies ."that was a jujitsu move from hong kong!!

the aussie walks out of the bar........the yanks looking around, hands on hips.. smiling........when all of a sudden the aussie walks back in......bang!!!...knocks the yank out cold...

He turns to one of the shocked onlookers and says........."when this k.nt wakes up tell the prick that was a crowbar from bunnings!!"

  • 2 weeks later...

A picture is worth a thousand words !!

The Honda rider was traveling at such a "very high speed", his reaction time was not sufficient enough to avoid this accident. Swedish Police estimate a speed of ~250 KM/h (155mph) before the bike hit the slow moving car side-on at an intersection. At that speed, they predicted that the rider's reaction time (once the vehicle came into view) wasn't sufficient enough for him to even apply the brakes. The car had two passengers and the bike rider was found INSIDE the car with them. The Volkswagen actually flipped over from the force of impact and landed 10 feet from where the collision took place.

All three involved (two in car and rider) were killed instantly. This graphic demonstration was placed at the Stockholm Motorcycle Fair by the Swedish Police and Road Safety Department. The sign above the display also noted that the rider had only recently obtained his license.

At 250 KM (155 mph) the operator is traveling at 227 feet per second. With normal reaction time to SEE-DECIDE-REACT of 1.6 seconds the above operator would have traveled over 363 feet while making a decision on what actions to take. In this incident the Swedish police indicate that no actions were taken.

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Hide-and-seek dad spun out

WEDGED in his sister's 8kg capacity washing machine with his knees pressed tight to his chest, Robin Toom, 30, was stuck and hot.

"I just hopped in there, playing hide and go seek with the kids," the baker's assistant said yesterday from Townsville.

"I got in there and couldn't even get the lid down and the kids came in and said 'ha ha we found you'."

With his wife, sister, brother-in-law and the kids crammed in the bathroom around the machine, embarrassment turned to perspiration.

Local fire officer Dave Dillon was on duty at 4.55pm on Sunday when the call came that "a man was stuck in a washing machine".

"We thought we'd get there and he'd have his hand stuck," Mr Dillon said. "He was in an absolute lather of sweat when we got there. He was really well attached to it."

To his sister's relief, dismantling the machine was ruled a last option because Mr Toom would have still been in the tub, which would then have to be cut open.

Mr Dillon used direct action, reaching into the machine and dislodged Mr Toom's foot from where it had been stuck for an hour.

An embarrassed Mr Toom then decided to change the rules of hide and seek for his children.

"I hope they don't go hiding in any washing machines now," he said.

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Edited by madmurf

A bloke stops to visit his mate who has a broken leg.

His friend says, "My feet are cold mate. Can you go and get me my slippers from upstairs please."

The guy goes upstairs and there are his mate's gorgeous twin 18 year old

daughters.

"Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to shag you."

The first daughter says, "That's not true."

He says, "I'll prove it."

He yells down the stairs, "Both of them?"

His mate yells back, "Of course, both of them."

WARNING!!! HOLIDAY SCAM!!!!! :huh:

The latest scam happened at the Mall in Fremantle. Two good looking

18/19 year old women come up to you as you park: One starts wiping

your windshield and the other comes to your window saying 'hi' while

bending over with her breasts almost coming out of her blouse, impossible

not to look. When you thank them and offer a tip, they say no and beg you for

a ride to Mandurah. Of course you say yes.

On the way they start having sex in the back seat. Then one of them

climbs up front and performs oral sex on you, while the other one

steals your wallet. I was assaulted last Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,

Saturday and Sunday.

Be careful.

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