Jump to content
SAU Community

A joke for the day


Tosh
 Share

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 1.7k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

dudez heres one i got off big brother

a man and his sister were going to a party and on the way they stopped at a bar and he asked his sister to get him a beer...

he waited in the taxi for half an hour and then went in and saw that the barman had tied her up and was completely lickin her out on the bar table.

he called the cops and the couldnt do anything

u know y??

he had a liquor license

aaaaaaaaaaaaa..hahahahhhhaaahaaahahaha.......ggoooolld!!!..........u idiot!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

bloke is sitting at a bar havin a coldie when a yank walks up to him from behind and smacks him of his stool to the ground...................

the aussie gets up..what the f.ck was that???????

yank replies "that was a kung fu move from japan"

The aussie ignores it, sits back at the bar and continues drinking...when as soon as he sat down hes been dropped again .....he gets up "what the f.cks wrong with you?" the yank replies ."that was a jujitsu move from hong kong!!

the aussie walks out of the bar........the yanks looking around, hands on hips.. smiling........when all of a sudden the aussie walks back in......bang!!!...knocks the yank out cold...

He turns to one of the shocked onlookers and says........."when this k.nt wakes up tell the prick that was a crowbar from bunnings!!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

A picture is worth a thousand words !!

The Honda rider was traveling at such a "very high speed", his reaction time was not sufficient enough to avoid this accident. Swedish Police estimate a speed of ~250 KM/h (155mph) before the bike hit the slow moving car side-on at an intersection. At that speed, they predicted that the rider's reaction time (once the vehicle came into view) wasn't sufficient enough for him to even apply the brakes. The car had two passengers and the bike rider was found INSIDE the car with them. The Volkswagen actually flipped over from the force of impact and landed 10 feet from where the collision took place.

All three involved (two in car and rider) were killed instantly. This graphic demonstration was placed at the Stockholm Motorcycle Fair by the Swedish Police and Road Safety Department. The sign above the display also noted that the rider had only recently obtained his license.

At 250 KM (155 mph) the operator is traveling at 227 feet per second. With normal reaction time to SEE-DECIDE-REACT of 1.6 seconds the above operator would have traveled over 363 feet while making a decision on what actions to take. In this incident the Swedish police indicate that no actions were taken.

post-3069-1136853510.jpg

post-3069-1136853515.jpg

post-3069-1136853572.jpg

post-3069-1136853602.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hide-and-seek dad spun out

WEDGED in his sister's 8kg capacity washing machine with his knees pressed tight to his chest, Robin Toom, 30, was stuck and hot.

"I just hopped in there, playing hide and go seek with the kids," the baker's assistant said yesterday from Townsville.

"I got in there and couldn't even get the lid down and the kids came in and said 'ha ha we found you'."

With his wife, sister, brother-in-law and the kids crammed in the bathroom around the machine, embarrassment turned to perspiration.

Local fire officer Dave Dillon was on duty at 4.55pm on Sunday when the call came that "a man was stuck in a washing machine".

"We thought we'd get there and he'd have his hand stuck," Mr Dillon said. "He was in an absolute lather of sweat when we got there. He was really well attached to it."

To his sister's relief, dismantling the machine was ruled a last option because Mr Toom would have still been in the tub, which would then have to be cut open.

Mr Dillon used direct action, reaching into the machine and dislodged Mr Toom's foot from where it had been stuck for an hour.

An embarrassed Mr Toom then decided to change the rules of hide and seek for his children.

"I hope they don't go hiding in any washing machines now," he said.

post-14130-1137024570.jpg

Edited by madmurf
Link to comment
Share on other sites

A bloke stops to visit his mate who has a broken leg.

His friend says, "My feet are cold mate. Can you go and get me my slippers from upstairs please."

The guy goes upstairs and there are his mate's gorgeous twin 18 year old

daughters.

"Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to shag you."

The first daughter says, "That's not true."

He says, "I'll prove it."

He yells down the stairs, "Both of them?"

His mate yells back, "Of course, both of them."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

WARNING!!! HOLIDAY SCAM!!!!! :huh:

The latest scam happened at the Mall in Fremantle. Two good looking

18/19 year old women come up to you as you park: One starts wiping

your windshield and the other comes to your window saying 'hi' while

bending over with her breasts almost coming out of her blouse, impossible

not to look. When you thank them and offer a tip, they say no and beg you for

a ride to Mandurah. Of course you say yes.

On the way they start having sex in the back seat. Then one of them

climbs up front and performs oral sex on you, while the other one

steals your wallet. I was assaulted last Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,

Saturday and Sunday.

Be careful.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share




  • Similar Content

  • Latest Posts

    • Interesting that it has 2 to the USB stick. Are the ones to the USB stick different? Or labelled anything at all? Telstra 4G is Band 28 is the long range one you want, it's 700mHz. I'm trying to do some reading on the Cel-Fi stuff, but I can't find any decent info online that makes me feel comfortable being able to work out the sort of antennas we could get away to swapping it over to. The antennas I'm starting to do some stuff with at work, are a transparent antenna. They're designed to stick onto the window. Which means you wouldn't even have the antenna outside the car. Volkswagen have just started using the exact same types of antennas on some of their new cars (And from the same antenna manufacturer). But, RF stuff is a bit of a dark art some days, and getting it wrong in your car could make for a terrible waste of money trying to swap antennas :S
    • I'm not going to lie Duncan, Saturday and Sunday were pretty rough days. The sort of work I was doing would previously have ended up with me spending about an hour and a half chatting with Neil. Firstly about something I had a question about, and then both of us rambling off on tangents.  I think how Neil did things, and his attitude to getting it done is helping me in part to get this stuff done. Then I can actually do the things I enjoy more easily  
    • Talked to another R34 GT-T owner, he said bonnet of his car once fell and slammed from full height because of strong wind at a car show and nothing was damaged or broken, so I guess I'm just overthinking some things but yeah, just making sure I'm not damaging the car anyhow cause wanna keep it for a long time.
    • I would say 100% that it doesn't matter at all. I have an Al bonnet and I drop it sometimes, push it others. Have done so for 25 years and there's no way to tell that either has caused any problems (because there are no problems).
    • yeah, a black 4 door HR, stock AT RB20DE. Was a pretty good daily summer car, it was kept in a garage during winter but previous owner was fighting rust so most of the car was covered with rust undercoating, the trunk, floorpan, it started to rust underneath so I thought it would be better to find other chassis that was taken care better and do rust preventions myself, at least I would know where keep my attention at. Plans are simple, enjoy the car as much as I can, mostly on summer of course, winter here is long and not kind to 90s JDM, I wanna keep it mostly stock like, I'm not a huge fan of GT-R look or any body kits so gonna keep it as metal as possible haha, something more balanced look wise and yeah, work on performance, I was thinking about RB25DET but 20DET actually feels fun, as long as it's reliable I think I might keep it. 
×
×
  • Create New...