A joke for the day

[Kero]

Buying Bacardi Breezers in outback Oz!

(Oldie - for those who did not have email back in 2002)

Edited March 8, 2006 by Kero

[madmurf]

spot the intruder

[madmurf]

Guy on pushbike @172kph

http://www.fazed.org/video/embed/?id=66

[madmurf]

Undies Safe

[Kero]

Men strike back! ! ! ! ! ! !

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.

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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will

probably never be able to support you.

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Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."

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How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

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Why do men fart more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

A woman who won't do what she's told.

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I married a Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was Always.

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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.

It's called a Wedding Cake.

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Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

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Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who know this is all bullshit anyway!

Edited March 10, 2006 by Kero

[madmurf]

FEMALE POEM

I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong One who loves to listen long?

One who thinks before he speaks?

One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I want him to be gainfully employed,

When I spend his cash, be not annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,

Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! For a man who makes love to my mind And he knows what to answer to

"how big is my behind?"

I want this man to love me to no end,

And always be my very best friend.

MALE POEM

I want a deaf-mute nymphomaniac

With huge boobs who owns a Bottle shop and a Fishing boat.

I know this doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.*

[sloazr33]

The Dishes or the bike - excellent joke

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day,

he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it. The bike seems

even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and

in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller

how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "Whenever the

bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.

It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her

parents.

Naturally, they take the bike there. Just before they enter the house,

Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family

before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first

person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

"No problem," he says. And in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge

stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes.

Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner

progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation and leans

over and kisses Sandra.

No one says a word.

So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.

Still, nobody says a word.

So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the

table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and

her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs

the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every

which way right there on the dinner table.

Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain.

Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right

that's enough, I'll do the f**king dishes!"

[RIK34RGTT]

Just in news that the bird flu epedemic is gonna be bigger than AIDS.So if your having sex with a chicken wear a condom!

[Kero]

Some set up!!

(PowerPoint Presentation)

CaveOfWeed02crgf43.zip

5 signs that u in 'da hood'

[Kero]

Things that will make you say... HOW???

[Kero]

World Fastest Growing City

Some US$ 90 BILLION (2005 EST.) projects are on-going in Dubai alone!

15% of the world tower cranes are currently in Dubai.

Burj Dubai Tower - World tallest (2008) 800 meters:

World Biggest Ski Dome (Within Mall of Emirates):

World Largest Themepark: Dubai Land (2009)

Features Real Size Dinosaurs Roam on Earth (Jurassic Park):

World Largest "Palms" - Jumeirah Palm, Jebel Ali Palm, , The World, Deira Palm (Hidden):

The World (Own an island for a price of US$ 7million/island)

Edited March 13, 2006 by Kero

[Kero]

A wish for the difficult people in your life

[Kero]

Australian coat of arms......

OfficialAnnouncement.doc

Chinese take-away (oldie)

[Kero]

Steak and BJ DAY - March 20th !!!!!

(Also know as International Beer, Beef and BJ DAY - March 20th (BBB Day)

You know the drill. Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for a significant other by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Every Valentines day you rack your brains for that one special, unique gift that will show your wife or girlfriend that you really do care for them more than any other. Now ladies, I'll let you in on a little secret; guys really don't enjoy this that much. Sure seeing that smile on your face when we get it right is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat and consideration. Another secret; guys feel left out. That's right, there's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or too embarrassed to admit it.

Which is why a new holiday has been created.

March 20th is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day". Simple, effective and self explanatory, this holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you care for him.

No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name of the holiday explains it all, just a steak and a BJ. Thats it. Finally, this twin pair of Valentine's Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere try THAT much harder in February to ensure a memorable March 20th!

The word is already beginning to spread, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world. And, of course, steak and BJ's.

[Kero]

What does a blonde do to hide a picture that she installed by mistake on the background of her computer, when she doesn't know how to delete it?

[Kero]

DOES ANYONE HAVE THE RED FILE?

[Kero]

Minds

(PowerPoint Presentatin)

MIND.zip

[Wink]

Harry did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a cowl standing in front of his bed. "What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?.. and who are you?" he asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."

"WHAT!?? Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die.. I'm too young." said Harry. "If I'm dead, I want you to send me back immediately."

"It's not that easy", said St.Peter, "you can only return as a dog or a hen.

You can choose on your own..."

Harry thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad. "I want to return as a hen." Harry replied. And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But man, now "he" felt like the rear end was gonna blow.. then along came the rooster.

"Hey, you must be the new hen on the farm." he said. "How does it feel?"

"Well, it's OK I guess, but it feels like my rear end is blowing up."

"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. Have you never laid an egg before??"

"No, how do I do that?" Harry asked.

"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."

Harry clucked twice, and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'Plop' and an egg was on the ground. "Wow" Harry said "that felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground.

The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:

"Harry, for Gods sake wake up, you've shit all over the bed!"

[Kero]

Coke & Mentos

Coke_Mentos.wmv

[Kero]

Just type in your date of birth

(Excell Spread sheet)

Ageing.zip

Things that make u go Aaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

(PowerPoint Presentation)

Thingsthatmakesyougoaaaawww.zip

How to tell when you are flying over Africa

Cartoons

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