A joke for the day

[Kero]

SHARK BITES OFF MAN'S LIMB

[Kero]

Haircut of the year...!

[Kero]

People you work with!

(Powerpoint Presentation)

People_you_work_with.zip

[Kero]

Create your own Ransome Note

http://contactsheet.org/junk/ransom.html

[Kero]

Wierd guy in toilet....

[Kero]

Google Underwear

[Kero]

Beer Troubleshooting

[Kero]

Sometimes i just can't help it

[Kero]

Would Ya?

[Kero]

Classic Comic

[Kero]

Crazy Photo

[Kero]

Bush

[Kero]

Mouse Found on Mars

[madmurf]

FCUK T Shirt

[Kero]

Bondi vs Rooty Hill

(Powerpoint Presentation)

bondivsrooty.zip

[madmurf]

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He

says to her,

"Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?

"Are you nuts? !!" She replies, and keeps walking away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before

she does.

"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks

again.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"

So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again.

"Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?"

She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh?

Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal

the

most perfect breasts in the world.

As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them,

fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in

them, but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite

them or not?"

"Nah", he replies. "Costs too much..."

[madmurf]

WOMEN ARE EVIL BY NATURE

>>

>> A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...She

>>gestured

>>

>> alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She

>>

>> seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to

>>hers.

>>

>> As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

>>

>>

>>

>> "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with

>>both

>>

>> hands.

>>

>>

>>

>> "Actually, no," he replied.

>>

>>

>>

>> "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said,

>>running

>>

>> her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

>>

>>

>>

>> "I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything

>>I

>>

>> can do?"

>>

>>

>>

>> "Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued,

>>running

>>

>> her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a

>>

>> couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck

>>them

>>

>> gently.

>>

>>

>>

>> "What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.

>>

>>

>>

>> "Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap,

>>or

>>

>> paper towels in the ladies room."

[madmurf]

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part

of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring

back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and

gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's

like this

- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my

left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried

with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with

her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still

nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too,

first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it

between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"

The old man replied, "Yep. None of us could get the jar open".

[madmurf]

Test

Test.pdf

[madmurf]

CUSTOMER CREDIT CARD SERVICE Just take note this may happen to you. !!

Be sure to cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died last January, and ANZ bank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge.

The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to ANZ:

Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

ANZ: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."

ANZ: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

ANZ: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"

Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

ANZ: "Excuse me?"

Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you . . . The part about her being dead?"

ANZ: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor." (Supervisor gets on the phone):

Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

ANZ: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

ANZ: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"

Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)

ANZ: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given) After they get the fax: ANZ: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."

Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."

ANZ: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."

Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"

ANZ: "That might help."

Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, 1249 Sydney Rd, Plot Number

69."

ANZ: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"