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A joke for the day

Tosh

By Tosh,
in New South Wales

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madmurf Community Regular

madmurf

Posted
Posted

Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains.

>To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room.

>No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly.

>They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole

>time, so they voted to take turns.

>

>

>The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning

>with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.

>They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly,

>I just sat up and watched him all night."

>

>The next night it was a different deputy's turn. In the morning, same

>thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot.

>They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man,

>that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night."

>

>The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football

>player; a man's man.

>The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good

>morning." They couldn't believe it! They said,

>"Man, what happened?"

>

>He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and

>kissed him good night.

>He sat up and watched me all night long."

madmurf Community Regular

madmurf

Posted
Posted

READ THE STORY FIRST.

>

>

>In a zoo in California, a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet

>tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the

>cubs were born pre-maturely and due to their tiny size, they died

>shortly after birth. The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery

>suddenly started to decline in health, although physically she was fine.

>

>The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress

>to

>fall into a depression.

>

>The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother's

>cubs, perhaps she would improve. After checking with many other zoos

>across

>the country, the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the

>right age to introduce to the mourning mother.

>

>The veterinarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a

>zoo environment.

>

>Sometimes a mother of one species will take on the care of a different

>species.

>

>The only "orphans" that could be found quickly were a litter of wiener

>cops.

>

>The zookeepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the

>babies around the mother tiger. Would they become cubs or pork???

>

>

>Take a look ... you won't believe your eyes!!!!!

post-14130-1147652782.jpg

post-14130-1147652799.jpg

madmurf Community Regular

madmurf

Posted
Posted

> I OWE MY MOTHER

>

>1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

>"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished

>cleaning"

>

>2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

>"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

>

>3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

>"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of

>next week!"

>

>4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

>" Because I said so, that's why."

>

>5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .

>"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to

>the store with me."

>

>6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

>"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

>

>7. My mother taught me IRONY

>"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

>

>8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

>"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

>

>9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

>"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

>

>10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

>"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

>

>11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

>"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

>

>12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

>"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

>

>13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

>"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

>

>14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.

>"Stop acting like your father!"

>

>15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

>"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't

>have wonderful parents like you do."

>

>16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

>"Just wait until we get home."

>

>17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

>"You are going to get it when you get home!"

>

>18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

>"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

>

>

>19. My mother taught me ESP.

>"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

>

>20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.

>"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

>

>21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

>"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

>

>22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

>"You're just like your father."

>

>23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

>"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

>

>24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

>"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

>

>25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

>"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

>*****************************************************************************

***

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