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A joke for the day

Tosh

By Tosh,
in New South Wales

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d00dz Grand Master

d00dz

Posted
Posted

The Mail on Sunday

13th May 2006

He is the BBC's latest star - the cab driver who a leading presenter believed was a world expert on the internet music business.

The man stepped unwittingly into the national spotlight when he was interviewed by mistake on the corporation's News 24 channel.

With the seconds ticking down to a studio discussion about a court case involving Apple Computer and The Beatles' record label, a floor manager had run to reception and grabbed the man, thinking he was Guy Kewney, editor of Newswireless.net, a specialist internet publication.

Actually, he was a minicab driver who had been waiting to drive Mr Kewney home.

Video: Watch the interview here - http://img.dailymail.co.uk/video/cabbie.wmv

http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/pages/live/a...ticle_id=386136

Baffled, but compliant, the driver was fitted with a microphone and allowed himself to be marched in to the studio. Cameras rolled, and he was quizzed live on air by consumer affairs correspondent Karen Bowerman - who missed the cabbie's panic-stricken expression when he realised he was being interviewed.

Despite knowing nothing about the case - a judge ruled that the computer company could continue to use the Apple symbol for its iTunes download service - the man gamely attempted to bluff his way through and, speaking in a strong French accent, sustained a (somewhat illogical) form of conversation. Meanwhile, the real Mr Kewney watched indignantly on a monitor in reception.

A tape of the exchange, broadcast on Monday morning, has become a classic among BBC workers.

It starts with the mystery man's horrified expression as Ms Bowerman introduces him as a technology expert, followed by his plucky attempt to answer her question on whether he was surprised by the verdict.

Yes, he says with feeling. It was a 'big surprise'. After an increasingly confusing exchange, the presenter cut with relief to the BBC's equally puzzled reporter outside the court, while the taxi driver was hurried out of the studio.

The BBC apologised, saying the mistake occurred because the man was wearing Mr Kewney's name tag. Mr Kewney said: "Everyone seems to think he was a taxi driver waiting in reception to take me home. But no one knows for sure."

He added: "There were several surprising things about 'my' interview. Judging by my performance, English wasn't my first language and I didn't seem to know much about Apple, online music or The Beatles."

He said the taxi driver "seemed as baffled as I felt". Last night, the driver's identity remained a mystery. None of the taxi firms regularly used by the BBC would admit to employing him.

sloazr33 Proficient

sloazr33

Posted
Posted

Ooops, wrong answer

WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

HUSBAND: Definitely not!

WIFE: Why not? Don't you like being married?

HUSBAND: Of course I do.

WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

HUSBAND: Okay, I'd get married again.

WIFE: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: Would you live in our house?

HUSBAND: Sure, it's a great house.

WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep?

WIFE: Would you let her drive my car?

HUSBAND: Probably, it is almost new.

WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers?

HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WIFE: Would she use my golf clubs?

HUSBAND: No, she's left-handed.

WIFE: - - - silence - - -

HUSBAND: F*ck

sloazr33 Proficient

sloazr33

Posted
Posted

LIFE SUPPORT

While watching the Cricket the other night my wife and I were discussing life and death.

I told her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state,

dependent on some machine and relying on fluids from a bottle.

If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She promptly got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my beer.

Some days I hate being married to a smart bitch.

Patto- Mentor

Patto-

Posted
Posted

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's

apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his

chest and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue

playing standing up.

Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, "Oh, me boys,

someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?"

They draw straws. Liam Gallagher picks the short one. They

tell him to be discreet be gentle, don't make a bad

situation any worse.

"Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever

meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me"

Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the

door Mrs. Murphy answers and asks what he wants.

Gallagher declares: "Your husband just lost $500 and is

afraid to come home"

"Tell him to drop dead!" ! says Murphy's wife.

"I'll go tell him." says Gallagher.

Kero Mentor

Kero

Posted
Posted

NEWS: Mundine Disqualified From Last Nights Fight

News just in...

Anthony 'The Man' Mundine, last night refused to give a urine sample shortly after last nights fight. Officials have been forced to disqualify Mundine and declare Green the winner.

The Mans reason for refusing.. "You can not take the piss out of an Aboriginal".

madmurf Community Regular

madmurf

Posted
Posted

The horse and the chicken!

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse who loved to play together.

One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began

to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go

get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched

and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town

with the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the

keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping

he still had time to save his friend's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken

arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of

rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear

bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and,

with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and

the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best

Pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too,

began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and

he would then lift him out of the pit.

The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving

his life.

The moral of the story....... (Yep, you betcha, there IS a moral!)

"When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up

chicks."

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