A joke for the day

[Kero]

Giorgio is in this country for about 6 months. He walks to work everyday and passes a shoe store. Each day he stops and looks in the window and admires a certain pair of Bocceli leather shoes. He wants those shoes so much it's all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves the $300.00 the shoes cost and purchases them.

Every Friday night the Italian community gets together at a dance in the church basement, so Giorgio seizes the opportunity to wear his new Bocceli leather shoes to the dance.

He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, "Sophia,do you Wear red panties tonight?" Sophia, startled, says, "Yes, Giorgio, I do wear Red panties tonight, but how do you know?"

Giorgio replies, "I see the reflection in my new $300.00 Bocceli leather shoes. How do you like them?"

Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he says to her,"Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?" Rosa answers, "Yes, Giorgio, I do, but how do you know that?"

He answers, "I see the reflection in my new $300.00 Bocceli leather shoes. How do you like them?"

Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Giorgio asks Carmella to dance. Midway through the dance his face turns red. He says, "Carmella, stilla my heart, please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight, please, please, tella me thisa true!"

Carmella smiles coyly and answers, "Yes Giorgio, I wear no panties tonight."

Giorgio gasps and says..."Thanka God...I thought I had a CRACK in my $300.00 Bocceli leather shoes.

[Kero]

A little kid was sitting on the top of a flight of stairs and his mum was watching him. The kid had a bag of jelly beans. He put one in his mouth, grabbed the cat and bit it. Then dropped down to the next step, put another jelly bean in his mouth, bit the cat again and dropped down to the next step.

His mum wondered what he was doing so went up and asked him.

"I'm playing truckies" said the kid,

"Poppin pills, eating pu$$y and movin' on."

[Kero]

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side.

He ordered his driver to stop, and he got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, well, you can come with me to my house," instructed the lawyer.

"But, sir, I have a wife and two children with me!"

"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer.

He turned to the other man and said: "You come with us, too."

"But I have a wife and six children," the second man answered.

"Bring them as well" replied the lawyer.

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows said: "Sir, you are too kind.

Thank you for taking all of us with you.

The lawyer replied: "Glad to do it. You'll love my place; the grass is almost a foot tall."

[Kero]

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

[NuGGeT]

ROFL

"Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals"

hahahahah classic never gets old that one

you make my day kero every time u post a new joke, doesn't matter if i'v heard em before theres nothing like a good joke

cheers

[Kero]

(I love the second one... )

[Kero]

7 little ducks went out one day... over the hill and far away...

[Majanal]

A very rich white guy in the Northern Territory decided to have a party and he invited all of his mates and neighbours. He also invited Morton, the only aboriginal in the neighbourhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, eating and dancing. At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 15ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in."

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Morton in the pool! Morton was fighting the croc as hard as he could with his bare hands. He was jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, biting the croc anywhere he could and all kind of things. The water was churning and splashing everywhere.

Morton was screaming and raising hell.

Finally Morton strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a K-mart goldfish. Morton then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief. Finally the host says, "Well, Morton, I reckon I owe you a million dollars." "No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Morton.

The rich man said, "Mate, I have to give you something. You won the bet.

How about half a million bucks then?" "No thanks. I don't want it," answered Morton.

The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing.

How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?" Again Morton said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, Morton, then what do you want?"

Morton said, "I just want the name of the bast*rd who pushed me in the pool!!!!"

[Kero]

[red900ss]

This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.

So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink.

So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?"

But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.

So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?"

A little voice came out of the box:...

"I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my ****ing shoes!"

[Majanal]

I love that one Dino... classic!

Oh and I fixed my post above!

[Kero]

Recent investigations have shown that children cannot identify the erotic scene. Their minds have not yet developed sufficiently.

What they see are nine dolphins.

However, the rest of the minds are sufficiently corrupt to make it extraordinarily difficult to spot the dolphins on the first try.

If you find it difficult to see the dolphins within six seconds, it shows that the level of your mental erotic corruption is far above the recommended limit. Oh, I promise that there are 9 dolphins.

The second image is there to highlight the dolphins however I could still not see any thing

[Kero]

This tunnel is between Sweden and Denmark .

Picture taken from the Swedish side.

[benm]

That's cool, now if only we had a tunnel like that from MLB->TAS->NZ

[R33vit]

I still cant see the Dolphins

[benm]

That's coz their aren't any in the glass, he's trying to fool us all

[shaolin]

And there I was thinking I was the only one:D

[Kero]

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead,are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead saw her boyfriend buying flowers.

Redhead sighed and said, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again." The blonde looked quizzically at her and said, "You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?" The redhead said, "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"

[Kero]

[Kero]