A joke for the day

[Beer Baron]

A guy goes to the Government to interview for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you a veteran?"

The guy says, "Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam."

"Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favour. Do you

have any service-related disabilities?"

The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though."

"Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10, and we'll get you started."

The guy says, "If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?"

"Well, here at the government, we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. No point you coming in for that".

ha ha! It's funny cause it's true...

Richard

[Majanal]

I am so going to email that around work!

[Kero]

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall.

A teenager walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in

all different colours: green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

The old man just stared. Every time the teenager looked, the old man was

staring.

The teenager finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer,

never done anything wild in your life?"

Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex

with a pea****,... I was just wondering if you were my son."

[Kero]

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate. (More than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (Just to be bold)

3. Add 5. (for Sunday)

4. Multiply it by 50. I'll wait while you get the calculator................

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1754.... If you haven't, add 1753 .........

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number ....

The first digit of this was your original number (i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week). The next two numbers are .......... YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2004) IT WILL EVER WORK.

[Kero]

Have fun - try this you move the mouse in the opposite direction to

the way he leans

http://www.wagenschenke.ch/

[Kero]

This is really clever ...

Wait for the web page to load and then pass your mouse over the image a few

times. Finally, leave the mouse over the nose of the image. This website

won first prize in the Phillips Digital Arts Festival.

http://www.expression.philips.com.br/artes.../o_incomodo.swf

[skylinechik]

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate. (More than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (Just to be bold)

3. Add 5. (for Sunday)

4. Multiply it by 50. I'll wait while you get the calculator................

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1754.... If you haven't, add 1753 .........

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number ....

 

The first digit of this was your original number (i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week). The next two numbers are .......... YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

 

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2004) IT WILL EVER WORK.

that is so cool!!!! it actually worked!

[Abo Bob]

Well stuff me with garlic and throw me to the lesbians.

It will work next year if you add 1 to the numbers 1753 and 1754.

[Kero]

New from Ikea...

[Majanal]

LOL

I got 65m!

[Silver-Arrowz]

The Hitchhiker :

This story happened about a month ago, in a little town in Victoria, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitch**** tale, it's real.

This guy was on the side of the road near Terang hitch-hiking on a very dark night and in the middle of a storm. The night was black and no cars went by.

The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car coming towards him. It stopped. The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car, closed the door and then realized there was nobody behind the wheel. The car started slowly.

The guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way. Scared he starts to pray begging for his life.

He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel. The guy, paralysed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they get to a curve.

The guy, gathering strength, gets out of the car and runs to the nearest town.

Wet and in shock, he goes to a pub and asks for two shots of whiskey, and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he just went through.

A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy is crying and isn't drunk.

About half an hour later, two blokes walked in the same pub and one said to the other "Look Bill, there's the wanker that got in the car when we were pushing it!!!"

[Silver-Arrowz]

For sale

[Duncan]

gold toulia

[Jimbo2000]

For sale

:bahaha:

[Tosh]

[Majanal]

:bahaha:

[Silver-Arrowz]

Newspaper clip

[Silver-Arrowz]

An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern the husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you."

"Yes,"she says, "I remember it well." "OK," he says, "how about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers.

There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers.

She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in.

Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen!They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on

for about forty minutes! She's yelling, "Ohhh, God!" He's hanging on to her hips

for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, still watching thinks, that was truly amazing, and he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is. As the couple passes, he says to them, "That was something else! You must have been having sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?"

The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

[Majanal]

:bahaha:

[Kero]

Medicare