A joke for the day

[Frunknmont]

If you think life is bad. How would you like to be an egg?

* You only get laid once.

* You only get eaten once.

* It takes 4 minutes to get hard. Only 2 minutes to get soft.

* You share your box with 11 other guys.

* But worst of all.... The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother.

So cheer up...Your life ain't that bad!!!

[Frunknmont]

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. The reception committee meets him, and after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a linguistic master, he sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script. All of a sudden there is a screaming the library. The angels come running to him, only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering, "An 'R'! They left out the 'R'." God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem is. After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again,” It’s the letter 'R' ... the word was supposed to be CELEBRATE!"

[Frunknmont]

Real women -vs- Ladies

Ladies - Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Real Women - Leftover wine?? Hello!!

Ladies - Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Real Women - Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who the hell cares!

Ladies - Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Real Women - Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on your ass on the couch, with your feet up anyway.

Ladies - To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Real Women - Buy boxed mashed potato mix and you don't have to worry about the potatoes growing arms and legs.

Ladies - When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white powdery mess on the bottom of the cake.

Real Women - Go to the bakery - they'll even decorate the son of a b*tch for you.

Ladies - Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

Real Women - Sara Lee frozen freakin pie directions do not include brushing egg whites, so don't do it.

Ladies - If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Real Women - Go ask the very HOT neighbour guy to do it.

[Frunknmont]

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.

"Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blowjobs !"

"Blowjobs!", the woman replied.

"It hasn't been proven, but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...no more blowjobs for her ! She bought the frog. When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off.

The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.

"What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked.

The husband replied," If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is gone."

[Frunknmont]

Mental Hospital answering machine

Hello and welcome to Tower County Mental Health Hospital:"

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5,and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y and c-a-r-f-u-l-l-y press 0-0-0

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

[Frunknmont]

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at

the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for

the good ones because they are afraid of falling and

getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten

apples from the grounds that aren't as good, but

easy.......

The apples at the top think something is wrong with

them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just

have to wait for the right man to come along, the one

who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of

the tree.

Share this with other women who are good apples, even

those who have already been picked!

Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as

grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of

them until they turn into something acceptable to have

dinner with.

[Sl!m]

A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Mom,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with John and he is so nice, even with all his piercing, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion mom, I'm pregnant and John said

That we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. John taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so John can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your daughter,

Judith

PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

[Duncan]

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.  

"Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blowjobs !"  

"Blowjobs!", the woman replied.  

"It hasn't been proven, but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said.  

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...no more blowjobs for her ! She bought the frog. When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off.  

The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.  

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.  

"What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked.  

The husband replied," If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is gone."

Hahahahaha I heard another version of this joke:

A woman came home from work one day to find a frog sitting on the kitchen table.

Horrified to screeched for her Husband...."GET IN HERE NOW".

The husband arrived in the kitchen to be confronted by his wife.

"What the hell is this frog on our kitchen table" the wife demanded.

Slowly the husband replied.

"Its a headjob Frog................

.........teach it to cook then F*CK OFF"

[Kero]

Funnies

[Kero]

An attorney got home late one evening, after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, named Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he got through the door at home his wife started on him about, "What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?" and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub... pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.

While he was in the bath the phone rang, which the wife answered and was told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all.

Finally realizing what a day he must have had, she decided to go up upstairs to give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door she was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear end as he was bent over naked drying his legs and feet. "They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.

He whirled around and screamed , "For crying out loud, Woman, don't you ever stop!?"

[Kero]

Male Blonde Joke

[Kero]

Your wife decides to go out with her friends drinking and dancing......

You're okay with it, because you get to watch sports all night.

You hear her stumble into bed around 4.

You wake up next morning and go outside to the family Volvo, which she used last night.

You are happy to see it all in one piece.

But ......,

Wait a minute ...

[timbar32]

A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting.

"You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear."

At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, pulls it out, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes' silence, they follow through with his disgusting command.

"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: How many of you noticed that I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index finger?"

After the class was over, it took the janitor three hours to mop up the vomit.

[timbar32]

Desperately seeking technical support!

I'm currently running the latest version of Girlfriend 5.0 and having some problems. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 for years as my primary application, and all the Girlfriend releases have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if you minimize Girlfriend with the sound off, but since I can't find the switch to turn it off, I just run them separately and it works OK.

Girlfriend also seems to have a problem coexisting with Golfware, often trying to abort my Golf program with some sort of timing incompatibility. I probably should have stayed with Girlfriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance with Girlfriend 2.0.

After months of conflicts, I consulted a friend who has experience with Girlfriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run Girlfriend 2.0 and eventually it would require a Token Ring upgrade to run properly. He was right. As soon as I purged my cache, Girlfriend 2.0 uninstalled itself.

Shortly after that, I installed a Girlfriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus. After a hard drive clean up and thorough virus scan I very cautiously upgraded to Girlfriend 4.0. This time using a SCSI probe and virus protection. It worked OK for a while until I discovered Girlfriend 1.0 wasn't completely uninstalled!

I tried to run Girlfriend 1.0 again with Girlfriend 4.0 still installed, but Girlfriend 4.0 has an unadvertised feature that automatically senses the presence of Girlfriend 1.0 and communicates with it in some way, resulting in the immediate removal of both versions!

The version I have now works pretty well, but, like all versions, there are still some problems. The Girlfriend package is written in some obscure language that I can't understand, much less reprogram. And I've never liked how Girlfriend is totally 'object-oriented.'

A year ago, a friend upgraded his version to GirlfriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate-and-Stay resident version. He discovered GirlfriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiance9e 1.0. So he did. But soon after that, you have to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a 'huge resource hog.' It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else. One of the primary reasons that he upgraded to Wife is because it came bundled with FreeSex 1.0. Well, it turns out that the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSex (particularly the new Plug and Play items he wanted to try). On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. And, although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw 1.0, which has an automatic popup feature he can't turn off.

I told him to install Mistress 1.0, but he said that he heard that if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife, that Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before uninstalling itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway, due to insufficient resources. If anybody out there is able to offer technical advice...

[GTRSRULE!!!]

Funny Quotes

1. "As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied."

Oscar Wilde.

2. "I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde."

Dolly Parton.

3. "One of the reasons I don't see eye to eye with Women's Lib is that women have it all on a plate if only they knew it. They don't have to be pretty either."

Charlotte Rampling.

4. "When women kiss it always reminds me of prize fighters shaking hands."

HL Mencken.

5. "Direct thought is not an attribute of feminity. In this, women are now centuries behind man."

Thomas Edison

6. "When a woman becomes a scholar there is usually something wrong with her sexual organs."

Friedrich Nietzsche

7. "Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote."

Grover Cleveland, Former US President (1905)

8. "Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilt and I'll show you a man."

Erica Jong.

9. "Nature intended women to be our slaves. They are our property."

Napolean Bonaparte

10. "I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute."

Rebecca West.

Funny Quotes

11. "If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."

Aristotle Onassis

12. "Wild horses couldn't drag a secret out of most women. However, women seldom have lunch with wild horses."

Ivern Boyett

13. "Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"

Rita Rudner

14. "When a woman says, 'I don't wish to mention any names', it means it ain't necessary to mention any names."

Kin Hubbard

15. "Most women are not as young as they are painted."

Max Beerbohm

16. "Women add zest to the unlicenced hours."

Allen Thomas

17. "When women go wrong, men go right after them."

Mae West.

18. "She looked as if she'd been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say when."

PG Wodehouse.

19. "Women are nothing but machines for producing children."

Napolean Bonaparte.

20. "An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her."

Agatha Christie.

[GTRSRULE!!!]

Funny Quotes

21. "Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no-one likes to have to keep one."

WC Fields

22. "Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."

Charlotte Whitton.

23. "Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself."

Roseanne Barr.

24. "A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's - That's because she changes it more often."

Oliver Hereford

25. "My wife is the sort of woman who gives necrophillia a bad name."

Patrick Murray

26. "Women should be obscene and not heard."

Groucho Marx.

27. "What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce."

Mark Twain.

28. "As Miss America, my goal is to bring peace to the entire world and then get my own appartment."

Jay Leno

29. "Men are superior to women. For one thing, men can urinate from a speeding car."

Will Durst

30. "Women's intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking."

Rupert Hughes

Funny Quotes

31. "Here's to woman! Would that we could fold into her arms without falling into her hands."

Ambrose Bierce

32. "Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbours seeing."

Sean Williamson.

33. "The people I'm getting furious with are the women's liberationists. They keep getting on their soapboxes proclaiming that women are brighter than men. That's true, but it should be kept quiet or it ruins the whole racket."

Anita Loos

34. "Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement."

Mark Twain.

35. "The main difference between men and women is that men are lunatics and women are idiots."

Rebecca West

36. "Despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question that has never been answered: What does a woman want?"

Sigmund Freud

37. "When a woman behaves like a man, why doesn't she behave like a nice man?"

Edith Evans

38. "Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, 'Government Health Warning: women can seriously damage your brains, genitals, current account, confidence, razor blades, and good standing among your friends'."

Jeffrey Bernard

39. "A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke."

Groucho Marx.

40. "Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another."

HL Mencken

Funny Quotes

41. "Even if man could understand women he still wouldn't believe it."

AW Brown

42. "No man knows more about women than I do, and I know nothing."

Seymour Hicks

43. "When I have one foot in the grave, I will tell the whole truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me and say, 'Do what you like now'."

Leo Tolstoy

44. "It was a man's world. Then Eve arrived."

Richard Armour

45. "A misogynist is a man who hates women as much as women hate each other."

HL Mencken

46. "Where would man be today if it wasn't for women? In the Garden of Eden eating water melon and taking it easy."

C Kennedy

47. "Women who can do. Those who can't become feminists."

Bobby Riggs

48. "Women have a much better time than men in this world. There are far more things forbidden to them."

Oscar Wilde

49. "A woman's place is in the wrong."

James Thurber

50. "Women are an alien race set down among us."

John Updike

[GTRSRULE!!!]

Funny Quotes

1. "I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."

George Best.

2. "The best pitch I ever heard about cocaine was back in the early eighties when a street dealer followed me down the sidewalk going: I got some great blow man. I got the stuff that killed Belushi."

Denis Leary.

3. "All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer."

Homer Simpson.

4. "I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now."

Bill Hicks.

5. "A woman drove me to drink, and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her."

WC Fields

6. "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day."

Dean Martin.

7. "What contemptible scroundrel stole the cork from my lunch?"

WC Fields

8. "I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping."

Mark Twain.

9. "What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others."

Diogenes.

10. "I always keep a stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy."

WC Fields

Funny Quotes

11. "The difference between a drunk and a alcoholic is that a drunk doesn't have to attend all those meetings."

Arthur Lewis.

12. "I don't like people who take drugs... Customs men for example."

Mick Miller.

13. "I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."

Rodney Dangerfield.

14. "Real ale fans are just like train-spotters, only drunk."

Christopher Howse.

15. "Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold."

Jerry Vale

16. "Prohibition is better than no liquor at all."

Will Rogers.

17. "The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a beer bottle, they're on TV."

Homer Simpson.

18. "Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs."

Robin Williams.

19. "I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry."

Robert Benchley.

20. "I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast."

WC Fields

Funny Quotes

21. "An alcoholic is anyone you don't like who drinks more than you do."

Dylan Thomas.

22. "Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times."

Mark Twain.

23. "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."

Hunter S Thompson.

24. "I can't die until the government finds a safe place to bury my liver."

Phil Harris

25. "My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?"

Henry Youngman.

26. "I drink therefore I am."

WC Fields.

27. "Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."

Dave Barry.

28. "Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money."

Robin Williams.

29. "Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol."

NF Simpson.

30. "I am a drinker with writing problems."

Brendan Behan.

[GTRSRULE!!!]

Funny Quotes

31. "I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal labotomy."

Fred Allen.

32. "I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up."

Dean Martin.

33. "Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time."

Catherine Zandonella.

34. "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

Benjamin Franklin.

35. "They who drink beer will think beer."

Washington Irving.

36. "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."

David Daye.

37. "I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop."

Noel Coward.

38. "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

Henny Youngman.

39. "I drink to make other people interesting."

George Jean Nathan.

40. "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

Dave Barry.

Funny Quotes

41. "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."

Joe E Lewis.

42. "Cocaine isn't habit forming. I should know, I've been taking it for years."

Tallulah Bankhead

43. "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."

Ernest Hemmingway.

44. "There's nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation."

John Ciandi

45. "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."

Humprey Bogart.

46. "He was a wise man who invented beer."

Plato.

47. "I got thrown out of Alcoholics Anonymous because when the other clients saw me they thought they were having the DT's"

Dave Dutton

48. "Work is the curse of the drinking classes."

Oscar Wilde.

49. "You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label."

Mark Twain.

50. "I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?"

Denis Leary.

Funny Quotes

51. "Actually it only takes me one drink to get drunk. The trouble is I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth."

George Burns

52. "One day recently a man called out to me from the other side of the street asking me for the price of a drink. I beckoned him to come over for it and he waved me away. This has to be the Everest of laziness."

Jeffery Bernard

53. "Health is what my friends are always drinking before they fall down."

Phyllis Diller

54. "I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go for a week without a drink."

Joe E Lewis

55. "I have been advised my the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol."

WC Fields

56. "The reason I drink is because when I'm sober I think I'm Eddie Fisher."

Dean Martin

57. "I can resist everything except temptation."

Oscar Wilde.

58. "If you drink, don't drive. Don't even drink."

Dean Martin

59. "I got so wasted one night I waited for the Stop sign to change, and it did."

Steve Krabitz

60. "I went to hospital for a liver transplant and boy was I unlucky - They gave me Oliver Reed's."

Lenny Windsor

[GTRSRULE!!!]

Funny Quotes

1. "What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'"

Francois Morency

2. "The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things."

Jilly Cooper

3. "Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code...he turned himself in."

Rita Rudner

4. "Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable."

Cher.

5. "I married beneath me. All women do."

Nancy Astor

6. "A genius is a man who can rewrap a new shirt and not have any pins left over."

Dino Levi.

7. "I'm glad I'm not bisexual; I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women."

Bernard Manning.

8. "You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths."

Steven Wright.

9. "There are three stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus; he doesn't believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus."

Bob Philips

10. "An extravagance is anything you buy that is of no earthly use to your wife."

Franklin Adams

Funny Quotes

11. "The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest."

Roseanne Barr.

12. "When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."

Rita Rudner.

13. "Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.."

Diana Jordan.

14. "Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you."

Mae West.

15. "I only like two kinds of men, domestic and foreign."

Mae West

16. "A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle."

Gloria Steinem

17. "If you never want to see a man again say, 'I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children'. They leave skid marks."

Rita Rudner

18. "No man is an island, but some of us are pretty long peninsulas."

Ashleigh Brilliant.

19. "Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands."

Jacques Languirand

20. "Women love men for their defects; if men have enough of them women will forgive them everything, even their gigantic intellects."

Oscar Wilde

[Kero]

Now, don't spend all day with this game.

It's very addictive....This is a REDNECK VIDEO GAME

Use your left mouse button.

http://www.shockhaber.com/zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.htm