Jump to content
SAU Community

Recommended Posts

not sure if u heard this one but any way

Lizard is in a bar drunk as anything and starts big mouthin "i can take u all on give me ur best shot" etc etc

so a bear walks up to him and says "mate just calm down"

lizard tells him to make him so they go out the back and have a huge punch up. lizard walks back in bear dont.

anyway .. lizard starts up again so this time a lion tells him to calm down and the lizards like "Make me"

so they go out the back lion pulls up his fur and turns to find the lizard.

Lizard walks up with a huge monstrous T-Rex follwoing him. lizard points to the T-Rex and says "meet my cousin"

  • Replies 1.7k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients & felt guilty all day

long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The

guilt & sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while

he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:

"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner

to sleep with one of their patients, you won't be the last, & you are

single. Just let it go.."

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to

reality,

Whispering ......

"Dave ........

.............you're a vet."

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.

FACTS

1. Japanese eat very little fat, and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.

2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat, and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.

3. Africans drink very little red wine, and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.

4. Italians drink large amounts of red wine, and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.

5. Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats, and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

The lone ranger and Tonto are out riding on the planes one day when Tonto gets down off his horse and puts his ear to the ground and sayas "buffalo come!"

The lone ranger asks him "how can you tell?"

Tonto replies "face sticky!!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding across the plains one day, when Tonto suddenly cocked his ear at a passing falcoln's cry. "Kemosabe... Apache to East!" he whispered.

The Lone Ranger looked to his faithful companion. "What do we do?"

Tonto pondered a moment. "We ride West!"

After riding a short while, Tonto again paused, searching the horizon with his eagle-sharp eyes. "Kemosabe... Apache to West!"

The Masked Man looked once again at his friend. "What should we do?"

Tonto scratched his head in thought. "We ride North!"

After a brief ride, Tonto stopped to scent the breeze. "Kemosabe... Apache to North!"

"What do we do now?" his companion asked.

Without hesitation, Tonto replied, "We ride South!"

Within minutes, Tonto reigned in his horse and dropped to the ground. Placing his ear to the earth, he listened intently. "Kemosabe... Apache to South!"

Worried, the Lone One asked him, "NOW what do we do?"

Tonto thought hard for a moment, his eyes squinting in concentration. Then his face lit up. "What do you mean "WE", White Man?"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rode into town. It was hot, so they stopped at the saloon for a drink. After a few minutes, someone came in and said, "Who does that white horse out there belong to?"

"Why, that's my horse, stranger," said the Lone Ranger.

"I just thought I'd let you know that your horse is sweating up a storm out there. He's been ridden pretty hard, and if you don't cool him down proper, he's going to turn sick on you."

"Tonto, you know what to do. Could you take care of Silver for me?"

"Alright, Kemosabe." And Tonto went out and started running in circles around Silver, waving his arms back and forth as he ran. (An old Indian trick for cooling a horse off, don't ya know.)

A few minutes later another man came into the saloon and asked, "Who does that white horse belong to?"

"Why, stranger, that's my horse," answered the Lone Ranger.

"Well," said the man, "you left your Injun running!"

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now



  • Similar Content

  • Latest Posts

    • I like mine. Much better than stock. Like i said before the reverse/parking cameras look even worse than normal, still useable. When you buy one make sure it's the latest version. Heaps of cheap ones that run the old hardware and software. Got mine from AliExpress. Mine is quick no lag, boots up 1-2 sec. Menu is fast. Netflix is fine and so is YouTube. Android Auto is random taking 3sec to 15sec. Most of the time it's quick. Very rare it doesn't connect. But that could be a phone thing.   Now I think they use a Pixel 3XL to run this whole thing which i guess is fine, but the problem is that some apps will not work on old hardware like Disney Plus  Maybe Prime Video too 🤔. they will not update. Iv'e tried getting the APK Disney + but i still couldn't get it working. I have a Data sim installed so i have internet all the time. You can't Hotspot off your phone and connect Android Auto at the same time. Not that you need too, if you want you can hotspot off your phone and run any internet map app (google maps) and you can run the Spotify app on it's own (the app runs better than android auto) You can still access the INFINITI intouch system for all the o.g stuff    P.S i got new non Polarization Sunglasses too 😎 
    • I also don't mean to rain on your parade. But with a 5-10k budget for road only? I'd want to check confirmation that everything IS working correctly and I'm with @GTSBoy for a plan of action here. I'd be checking subframes, bushes, exhaust hangers, interior bits and generally QOL things and CONFIRMING they are working right before thinking about motor. You can get 250KW+ on stock RB26 hardware by simply removing the built in restrictors and tuning the stock ECU. If you want purity that's as far to take it, which I would be worried to do and won't think the budget would allow for when earnestly checking for 30+ year old car stuff.
    • I specifically said buy new performance car because of the use case here (i.e, no track use and fun livable everything/do it all easily if not especially amazing as a drivers car). Tracking an 80K Skyline and an 80K M2 makes the BMW the obviously more risky purchase WHEN something goes wrong you suddenly can't easily fix it with hand tools and readily available parts that you may have a community of people you know available, or years of your own knowledge on the platform to apply. There's reasons you see Hondas and Vettes and RB's and Miatas and such at tracks, you can easily hand-tool repair 99.9% of it in a shed, usually with the tools and the skillset of the owner to apply to it. An i30N is not going to beat a R chassis unless it's got massive problems either. The old cars can, and still do work great. The problem is - and always has been - social media would have you believe it's simple and easy to achieve the results you see online.  People want their car to be like "one of those cool JDM cars" which is the default image people have when they think of  "cool JDM cars" You are paying 25 years of catchup R&D to achieve. Or the knowledge somebody else has to do it for you, which is big dollar restomod stuff.  The bar has been moved and every R chassis that people see/like/enjoy has 25 years of R&D thrown at it, or is owned by someone who did all that work and has that knowledge over the past 25 years. All the survivors have been progressively resto-modded the entire time. OR you slowly bring it back to how it was stock. Which is also prohibitively expensive, done for the love of it. This is what the JDM community is now. This is fine, but "Where do I start?" is either: 1) Don't 2) Take your own slow journey but you cannot compare your progress with others who have had 25 years of R&D and experience building their own cars unless you pay for it.
    • Yep, with the crazy inflation of the value of our cars these past couple of years this became a problem for me too... My solution is to transition to bikes. Everything feels so cheap compared to tracking the skyline lol
    • So, I've been a little busy on this car. I replaced the bonnet struts which is always satisfying but very confusing that nobody else on the planet seems to do this. Its just my routine first thing I do on any car I buy. The boot struts for both the tailgate and the separately opening glass window was a bastard. And, I found a fair bit of rust in the strut cavity. I filled it with rust converter and cleaned up as much of the dirt as I could. There was so much dirt. One piece of the trim was barely hanging on and so I've left it off. I'll try to get a replacement. You can see how disgusting and dirty it all was in this thread; I had to remove the little clips that hold the struts on the ball. The ones I took off had no clips and it was impossible to get them on with them in place. Fingers crossed they stay put. So, I turned my attention to the headlights, they were in a bad way and likely would stop rego. I took the headlights out and found the adjusters were all just loose. So, I fixed those and unclipped the lenses to clean them up. Couldn't believe how easy it was to take all this apart compared to the E90.   I also cleaned up the stockies which was awesome, these are super cool with lug nut covers. They're in good nic but the tyres are shot. I was going to use these for rego but in the end got a fresh pair of rubber for the 17's on the front of the car instead. The front bar of this car is from a late(r) model one. I don't think it's quite LCI but who knows. I'll need to find out. Anyway, the bar was missing the fog lights and the wiring and plugs were for the original ones so I got new plugs and some cheap fogs. I wasn't sure if missing original equipment would hamper my blue slip attempts. Had a couple of these little fellas helping out. But not Ben who got stuck behind the pool heater .... How embarressment.  I ordered new speed sensors for all corners because I knew one was out. I just got cheapies and will replace them with Bosch items when I can find Bosch items. Again, this was just for rego. Alas, it seems the blue speed sensors are not the same as the grey ones. Back they went and replacements ordered. In the end, with my new scan tool, it was just rear left that was shot. Replaced it and cleared the codes. All good now. Lastly, my aux (thermo) fan is being a bit odd. Its powering up at strange times and NOT powering up when I think it should (100C). While this can be caused by a few things, the most likely (for me) is the ambient temp sensor. Given mine reads -40.0C regardless of the temp, I figured it would be good to replace it. In the end, the sensor wiring was abysmal with (terrible) attempts made by somebody to fix it.   I fixed this all up but the sensor is only attached using pins into the wires. The plug is not there. Despite trying and trying to connect it securely it wouldn't work so a replacement sensor and plug is on the way. Oh, I also ordered a replacement piece of trim for the part missing here at the bottom. Ordered from Latvia for $70 delivered. I took a bit of a leap of faith because I didn't have the exact part number and, as usual, there were eleventy billion pieces of trim that looked to fit. Nailed it. Well, its not totally perfect but I think its more a 28 y/o car problem than a trim problem. And, as of today ..... I have bought the workshop manuals 2nd hand off a guy in tassie. 1000+ pages of E39 goodness, hopefully it helps me with the fan. I also have a new temp switch on the way incase its the problem. Stoked.
×
×
  • Create New...