Jump to content
SAU Community

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 1.7k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He

says to her,

"Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?

"Are you nuts? !!" She replies, and keeps walking away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before

she does.

"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks

again.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"

So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again.

"Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?"

She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh?

Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal

the

most perfect breasts in the world.

As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them,

fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in

them, but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite

them or not?"

"Nah", he replies. "Costs too much..."

WOMEN ARE EVIL BY NATURE

>>

>> A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...She

>>gestured

>>

>> alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She

>>

>> seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to

>>hers.

>>

>> As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

>>

>>

>>

>> "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with

>>both

>>

>> hands.

>>

>>

>>

>> "Actually, no," he replied.

>>

>>

>>

>> "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said,

>>running

>>

>> her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

>>

>>

>>

>> "I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything

>>I

>>

>> can do?"

>>

>>

>>

>> "Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued,

>>running

>>

>> her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a

>>

>> couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck

>>them

>>

>> gently.

>>

>>

>>

>> "What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.

>>

>>

>>

>> "Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap,

>>or

>>

>> paper towels in the ladies room."

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part

of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring

back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and

gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's

like this

- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my

left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried

with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with

her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still

nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too,

first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it

between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"

The old man replied, "Yep. None of us could get the jar open".

CUSTOMER CREDIT CARD SERVICE Just take note this may happen to you. !!

Be sure to cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died last January, and ANZ bank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge.

The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to ANZ:

Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

ANZ: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."

ANZ: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

ANZ: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"

Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

ANZ: "Excuse me?"

Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you . . . The part about her being dead?"

ANZ: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor." (Supervisor gets on the phone):

Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

ANZ: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

ANZ: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"

Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)

ANZ: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given) After they get the fax: ANZ: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."

Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."

ANZ: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."

Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"

ANZ: "That might help."

Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, 1249 Sydney Rd, Plot Number

69."

ANZ: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now



  • Similar Content

  • Latest Posts

    • Yeah I suspect even if you hold airmass per cycle/cylinder constant if you get too far away from stock you're still going to have problems running the factory tune within the bounds of the factory load scale. Cams, different displacement/rod ratio, etc. I'm just lucky that the GTIII-SS with wastegate boost + CA compliance cats is pretty much equivalent to stock turbos. When I have actual space I can finally get it tuned and modify the fuel system for flex fuel to 100% handle any detonation concerns when cranking the boost to whatever those dinky turbos can put out.
    • I would say no, why, because my daughter, who also lives in Goulburn, hasn't recommended us going there Pity, as we miss all the German joints around in Sydney, actually, the restaurants are the only thing I really miss about Sydney, and a special mention to Ishibanboshi at Bondi Junction, their Kara-age Don is heart cloggingly deliciousness (always added a special boiled egg...or 2) 😋 
    • Does that German restaurant still exist in the old place out the NW end of Goulburn? When I say "out the NW end of"...I am really being vague. It was 1997 when I was last there, and the only point of reference I can recall is that it was on the opposite side of the main drag from the big merino. And when I say "opposite side of the main drag", I don't mean "on the main drag". It was either a couple of streets back from there, or might have even been out in the sticks a bit further. Was an old farm building or mill or somesuch. And when I say "the big merino" I might actually be thinking of a completely different part of town, because I just looked on maps and the big bugger is not where I remembered him to be! The food was good, consisting largely of various German mystery-meat sausage/loaf things and kartofflen.
    • So while the second sentence is completely correct and the whole point of the conversation, the first sentence bears consideration. If this bloke is just hoping to throw big turbos on and drive it around, because there are no helpful facilities at all in his tropical paradise** then he likely has zero chance of even knowing what the TP is on the last column in the stock maps, let alone know whether the ECU is operating anywhere near it or past it. So the point is very very moot. And, per what I said before, at stock boost on those turbos, you may well be off the end of the map. **I'm just back from Vanuatu, so I know exactly what small Pacific nations can be like wrt paradise without requisite facilities. But it's not even that simple. I put a high flow on my car and had to drive it around without a proper tune because of the lack of opportunity*** to put the bigger AFM and injectors into it to allow it to be tuned. I had to turn the boost down to less than I had before, and back off the boost controller's ramp, because it was exploring parts of the map that it didn't drive in before, and really couldn't access for tuning on the dyno either, and so was pinging. It was still well within the last column, because when I first**** set up the Nistune on the Neo I rescaled all axes of the maps to give some more space to explore. ***Family dyno was broken ****This was 13 years ago, and the TIM thing wasn't a thing then and so TP would definitely grow when pushing past the stock tune's limits.
    • Yep, this bit another local owner. I caught it before putting the transmission back into the car, what I noticed was the pressure plate fingers weren't flat and even. It's more obvious with the pull style clutch because the throwout bearing ring was visibly not flat once everything is put together. Nismo should really update their instructions to call out this specific detail. I'm not even sure the clutch as-shipped orients everything properly.
×
×
  • Create New...