Jump to content
SAU Community

A joke for the day


Tosh
 Share

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 1.7k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in Bankstown and, trying

to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that

she is a Bulldogs fan.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Bulldogs fans.

Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't

you raise your hand?"

"Because I'm not a Bulldogs fan," she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not a Bulldogs fan,

then who are you a fan of?"

"I'm a Sea Eagles fan, and proud of it," Mary replied. The teacher could

not believe her ears. "Mary, why are you a Sea Eagles fan?"

Mary then replied "Because my mum and dad are from Dee Why, and so my

mum is a Sea Eagles fan and my dad is a Sea Eagles fan, so I'm a Sea

Eagles fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, "that's no

reason for you to be a Sea Eagles fan. You don't have to be just like

your parents all of the time.

What if your mum was a prostitute, your dad was a drug addict, and your

brother was a pack rapist, what would you be then?"

"Then," Mary said, "I'd be a Bulldogs fan."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Subject: life as we know it

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at

anyone who comes In or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How

about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

"Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you

a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for t! wenty years?

That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like

the Dog did?" And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You

must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the

sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I

will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me

to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other

forty?" And God agreed again.

On the fo! urth day, God created man and said: "Eat,

sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty

years." But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog Gave back; that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep,

play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to

support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain

>the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

>

> Smart boss + smart employee = profit

> Smart boss + dumb employee = production

> Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

> Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

> _____________________________

>

>

>

>

> SHOPPING MATH

>

> A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

> A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

> _____________________________

>

>

>

>

> GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

>

> A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

> A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

> A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

> A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

> _____________________________

>

>

>

>

> HAPPINESS

>

> To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a

>little.

> To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to

>understand her at all.

> ______________________________

>

>

>

>

> LONGEVITY

>

> Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot

>more willing to die.

> ______________________________

>

>

>

>

> PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

>

> A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

> A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

> _____________________________

>

>

>

>

> DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

>

> A woman has the last word in any argument.

> Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

> _____________________________

>

> HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

> Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and

>cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the

>same thing to them at funerals.

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A virile, young Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his

>favorite

> > bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman.

> > Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his

>apartment

> > and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled

> > her senseless. After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So,

>you

> > finish?"

> > She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

> > Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she

> > thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally

> > ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?"

> > Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him

> > and softly says, "No."

> > Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, Guido reaches

> > for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely

>manages

> > it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the

>bed

> > sheets. Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to

>turn

> > his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You

> > finish?"

> > Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear, "No, 'm

> > Norwegian.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Poorly Thought-out Web Addresses

) Who Represents? - a database for agencies to the rich and famous:

> >

> >http://www.whorepresents.com

> >

> >2) Experts Exchange - a knowledge base where programmers can exchange

> >advice and views:

> >

> >http://www.expertsexchange.com

> >

> >3) Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island:

> >

> >http://www.penisland.net

> >

> >4) Need a therapist?

> >

> >http://www.therapistfinder.com

> >

> >5 ) Gas & central heating anyone?

> >

> >http://www.gasheating.co.uk

> >

> >6 ) New to Italy - and you need electric light? Why not sign up

>on-line

> >with Power-Gen?

> >

> >http://www.powergenitalia.com/

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Joke of the Day

>Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a

>Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 KPH. He thinks to himself,

>This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights

>and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are

>five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide

>eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him

>"Officer, I don't understand,

>I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

>"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know

>that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other

>drivers."

>"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit

>exactly... Twenty-two kilometers an hour!" the old woman says a bit

>proudly.

>The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22

>was the highway number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman

>grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

>"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car

>OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't made a peep this

>whole time," the officer asks.

>"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Highway

>189."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share




  • Similar Content

  • Latest Posts

    • Ahh yes looks like I’m playing with a new cock on the weekends. Thanks for the information @soviet_merlin I’ll search for it later on and try to get it shipped. Looks like it won’t happen this weekend regardless. But the coolant looks fine so far (no floaties of concern). And waiting another week will slow down my money hole 😂
    • I don't know whether that one should be reused or not. But here's one way to find the part. Go to https://nissan.epc-data.com and use frame number or the menus to drill down to the parts for your specific car. Looks like it is under 'Body parts -> 214 radiator'. See for example the respective part for my Stagea. Looks like it's called drain cock packing, and at least for mine it is part number 2148118000. Searching for that then gives you various places where you can buy it. Amayama can be a bit slow, so it's worth searching around. I'd make sure it's the correct one for yours. At least from amayama it looks pretty generic and fits a ton of cars. And if anyone asks what you did on the weekend, you can tell them that you put a new cock on the car
    • Because people like Gregged stories, I'll elaborate. I ordered a front end, being a GTR conversion front bumper, CF hood, to go with my URAS wider front fenders. These took a good ~year to arrive. They had arrived when I dropped them off at paint shop 1 and are in that large pile of car panels. Unfortunately _some_ of it didn't fit very well/at all, though to be more accurate it's safer to say it didn't fit with each other. A lot of GTR conversion parts, really are just GTR parts. GTR fiber replicas need GTR guards. Because GTR fenders flare out more than GTT fenders. Even GTT fenders that are flared out by the same amount GTR fenders are. The GTR conversion/GTR bumper I was sold is no longer for sale as the company involved recognized the issues with it and refunded it, beyond this situation. The bonnet and bumper gap was... this. They then sent a redesigned bumper, but this still had the issue with the width, and then advised me I needed GTR bracketry to fit this conversion bumper. Which, to me, is kind of crazy - Because if you need a GTR Reo, headlight supports, headlight brackets, and the mounting bracket (with the additional plate with the rubber strip) in order to mount your 'conversion' bumper, the bumper itself is just a GTR bumper. And when I mentioned this, not to mention the time and hassle of sending bumpers back and a forth and dealing with a busy company, I was able to make the statement that this is not made to fit a GTT at all, at least in the sense that you can't use any of it with any other GTT part. The bonnet worked, but without a bumper that can actually fit it was effectively just a GTR bonnet with GTT hinge points and latch points. Not much use if I can't use a bumper. Why would I (or anyone) buy a fibreglass GTR replica that costs more than an OEM plastic GTR bar, if I need to use all the GTR hardware to mount it anyway? Funny enough I had test fitted everything else except these bits. Obviously I should have. I saw pictures of things fitted but everything's not quite the same and unmentioned the fact people have made extra brackets or something to pull on these fibreglass bumpers. With the GTR brackets we were able to force the "second" bumper they sent us, but you shouldn't need two big guys forcing a fibreglass bumper over mounts you need to drill to get it to fit, using a lot of tension and a lot of force, the whole thing was completely taut and felt spring loaded to explode at any moment. In any case after all this faffing about, I eventually spoke to someone else at this company who advised I should have been sent the correct parts to begin with given they pulled up all my communications with what I had, what I wanted, what parts I was using, etc. But by this time the car had been sitting at Shop 1 for quite some time now and they didn't really just want to paint the rest of the car from A pillar back while this was all sorted out. I got a full refund and honestly everyone involved was perfectly nice and easy to deal with once I could get ahold of them, though it did need a bit of 'chasing' as you kinda expect. So then I had a stock front end again, and could have just fit the URAS fibreglass fronts and used an OEM front bumper and OEM hood and called it a day. But did I do that? No, I am retarded. Because I was paranoid about Mr Police in the future sticking a magnet to my front guards, or my bonnet and realising they weren't metal, I followed up on a tip I got from a friend who got his metal guards widened out. I had wanted to do this 'in the future some day' but thought I may as well just do this 'now' given I'd be driving around all paranoid about my fibreglass front fenders on my otherwise legal and engineered car. SO ANYWAY I engaged these people during the time I was returning the original body parts, so the car was at Shop 1 with no front end at all, not being fitted or being painted A pillar back even though I was more than happy to just get the front panels painted separately when they existed. (I understand the reasoning for not wanting this, but I was just trying to save time). And you guessed it, the metalbenders took much longer than they said they would take, and Shop 1 man had a medical issue where he had to close the shop indefinitely (legitimately).  So even though I had to return a bunch of stuff, and a car sat around for months with no work being done on it, there's no actual bad blood there, so I don't want to name names and say "SHOP X SUCKS" just... do your diligence. Metalbender place returned my Bonnet and Guards to me eventually, which was when I realised THIS: Is going to make my life hard again, because having wider metal guards doesn't make much benefit if the actual point it hits is the connection between the bumper and the guard. Which is why Nissan flared it out, ostensibly.   With regards to the bonnet, I needed vents in the first place because the car likes to overheat due to heat soak on 40C days with the aircon on, if the car has been driven for more than like 30 minutes. Only with the aircon on, only on days that hot, only when sitting, and only after ~30 minutes. So the logic behind it all was to cut vents in. I had originally thought to just the flat pieces out (not the webbing!) and put mesh in there, which would have worked fine. Then talking to the metalbenders I was convinced this was a bit agricultural and water would get in. STUPID EVERYONE INVOLVED didn't think of simply using a plastic engine cover on the engine, and we started talking about vent design and rain gutters instead. There was also the issue of while the guards both fit what I asked for, which was: "Can you replicate these URAS Fibreglass flares on these stock metal guards by the same distance, or maybe +10mm wider?" ..the issue was the guards weren't the same as one another when the job was done. Enough that when I fit them and went to paint places, the overriding feeling was "I can't get it painted while they're like that". So, I Karen'ed and they offered to fix them up to get them symmetrical again after I drove back and showed them, and we did the whole lean back from a few meters in front of the car, and: "Oh yeah" "ahhh yeah".. "Ahh, ... yeah, yeah nah yeah" ... and I then took them off and delivered them. I have it all back now, and while the guards are better they're still not symmetrical, and I'm paranoid about a tiny bit of webbing actually being cut with the vents installed, and only slightly remorseful about the fact that METALBENDING WAS REALLY EXPENSIVE, and it would have been cheaper to simply buy all of the Nissan OEM pieces, including $2200 aluminium bonnets, and $2000 guard sets and OEM plastic bumpers and get it done that way. YOU ARE WARNED. also, anyone wanna buy my GTR brackets between the headlights? Useful for someone doing this conversion and they cost about $1000 cause you didn't want to use/mark up/damage the fibreglass replica the company sold you to make their stuff fit (it won't fit).
    • Thanks gents, I think I'll get a PSR and see how it goes. I saw an interesting video in YT where a guy stripped one and the bearings were similar to the GTX series instead of the newer G series, but for 40% of the Garrett price I suppose there has to be some sort of trade off!
    • My opinion is they aren't worth double at all.  Have used a good number of Pulsars with builds I've been involved with and tbh at least speaking for myself, Garrett aren't losing money they'd be getting if Pulsar didn't exist as for genuine Garrett money I'd probably be buying something other than Garrett.    We've used Pulsar 6262G (G35 900 equivalent) on an RB26 with a twin scroll hotside and it picked up 40wkw at the same boost over the old twin -5s and the improvement in transient response over the twins changed the car - this is before you factor in the amount of further headroom of the G35.  Have also used one on a 2JZ drag car which has run 9.6 @ 141mph not even trying, from what we've seen so far it'll potentially go 8s when we turn it up  Crazy results for what is basically a NZ$1500ish turbo.  
×
×
  • Create New...