A joke for the day

[madmurf]

And you think your job sucks?

[madmurf]

A woman from New Yorkwas driving through a remote part of Arizona

when her car broke down.

An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian

Would let out a "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a" so loud that it echoed from the

surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service

station, yelled one final "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" and rode off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station

attendant. "Nothing," the woman answered. "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so wouldn't fall off."

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

[madmurf]

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY .... !!!

[madmurf]

This is Amazing!

Bill owns a company that manufactures and installs car wash systems. (Magic Wand Car Wash Systems, just in case you want to buy one.) Bill's company installed a car wash system in Frederick, Md. Now, understand that these are complete systems, including the money changer and money taking machines.

The problem started when the new owner complained to Bill that he was losing significant amounts of money from his coin machines each week.

He went as far as to accuse Bill's employees of having a key to the boxes and ripping him off. Bill just couldn't believe that his people would do that, so they setup a camera to catch the thief in action. Well, they did catch him on film!

See attachments

The bird had to go down into the machine, and back up inside to get to the money!

That's three quarters he has in his beak! Another amazing thing is that it was not just one bird -- there were several working together. Once they identified the thieves, they found over $4000 in quarters on the roof of the car wash and more under a nearby tree

And you thought you heard of everything by now!!!

[Sl!m]

I wish they would fix the uploads

[Sl!m]

http://www.skylinesaustralia.com/forums/in...e=post&id=44016

[Kero]

Australian Arrested

An Australian has been arrested in Italy after a brawl that followed the Australia-Italy World Cup match.

Even though he was 20m away, the Italian suffered a broken leg, fractured skull, a heart attack, and developed diabetes.

He is expected to recover in a few minutes.

The police are pushing for the death penalty.

[Kero]

Nomination for Academy Award - BEST ACTOR

[Patto-]

Nomination for Academy Award - BEST ACTOR

Winner!!!

[Patto-]

A replay of the final seconds of Australia vs Italy

[d-d]

Four guys and a woman are stuck in an elevator.

While they are stuck, they strike up a conversation.

The first guy says, "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E. , you know...

''Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.''

The second guy says, "I'm a D.I.N.K.Y., you know...

''Double Income, No Kids Yet. "

The third guy says, "I'm a R.U.B., you know...

''Rich, Urban, Biker. "

The fourth guy says, "I'm a D.I.L.D.O., you know...

''Double Income, Little Dog Owner.''

They turn to the woman and ask her.

''What are you?''

She replies: "I'm a WIFE, you know...

Wash, Iron, f**k, Etc.

[madmurf]

Careful when opening. May offend some!!

Look after your mates!!!!

[madmurf]

THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY

>////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

>My tire was thumping.

>

>I thought it was flat

>

>When I looked at the tire...

>

>I noticed your cat.

>

>Sorry!

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

>Heard your wife left you,

>

>How upset you must be.

>

>But don't fret about it...

>

>She moved in with me.

>

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

>Looking back over the years

>

>that we've been together,

>

>I can't help but wonder...

>

>"What was I thinking?"

>

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

>Congratulations on your wedding day!

>

>Too bad no one likes your husband.

>

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

>H ow could two people as beautiful as you

>

>Have such an ugly baby?

>

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

>I've always wanted to have

>

>someone to hold,

>

>someone to love.

>

>After having met you .

>

>I've changed my mind.

>

>--------------------------------------

>----------------------------------------------------------

>

>I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

>

>I never believed in Hell until I met you.

>

>//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

>

>As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

>

>That you're not here to ruin it for me.

>

>####################################################

>

>Congratulations on your promotion.

>

>Before you go...

>

>Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

>

>You'll probably need it again.

>

>*****************************************************************************

**

>

>Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

>

>(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)

>

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

>Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

>

>Almost Lifelike!

>

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

>When we were together,

>

>you always said you'd die for me.

>

>Now that we've broken up,

>

>I think it's time you kept your promise.

>

>//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

>

>We have been friends for a very long time ..

>

>let's say we stop?

>

>+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

>

>I'm so miserable without you

>

>it's almost like you're here.

>

>=====================================================

>

>Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

>

>Did you ever find out who the father was?

>

[Kero]

BBQ Accessory

[Patto-]

Bill Clinton, Al Gore & George Bush were all captured by terrorists who decided to execute them.

Bill Clinton was the first one placed against the wall and just before the order to shoot him was given,

he yelled out, "Earthquake!" The firing squad fell into a panic and Bill jumped over the wall and escaped

in the confusion.

Al Gore was the second one placed against the wall. The squad was reassembled and Al pondered what his

old boss had done. Before the order to shoot was given, Al yelled out, "Tornado!" Again the squad fell apart

and Al slipped over the wall.

The last person, George W. Bush, was placed against the wall. He was thinking "I see the pattern here, just scream out a disaster and hop over the wall."

As the firing squad was reassembled and the rifles raised in his direction, he grinned at his own cleverness and yelled,

"Fire!"

[Patto-]

[madmurf]

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

>

>

> A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a

> word.

>

> An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

> neither of them wanted to concede their position.

> As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and cops,

> the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

> "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

>

>

> W O R D S

>

> A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women

> use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

> The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat

> everything to men...

> The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

>

> CREATION

>

>

> A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so

> stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

> "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.

> God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

> God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

>

>

>

> >>

> The Silent Treatment

>

> A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were

> giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that

> the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an

> early morning business flight.

> Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he

> wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where

>he

> knew she would find it.

> The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM

> and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why

> his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the

> bed.

> The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

> Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

>

[madmurf]

Careful when reading. May offend some!!

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly

enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet,

she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally

arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk:

"Dddooo youuuu hhhave dddddiilllldosss?"

The clerk, politely trying not to burst out

laughing, replies:

"Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different

models."

The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu

ccaarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt ttwoo

inchesss ththiickk...aaand rrunns by bbaatteries ?

The clerk responds, "Yes we do."

" Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo

ttturrrnnn ttthe ssunoooffabbitch offfff?"

[Kero]

So, you think your clever !? - Here are some mind tests (OLDIES)

1. Read out loud the text inside the triangle below.

More than likely you said, "A bird in the bush," and........ if this IS what YOU said, then you failed to see that the word THE is repeated twice! Sorry, look again.

2. Next, let's play with some words. What do you see?

In black you can read the word GOOD, in white the word EVIL (inside each black letter is a white letter). It's all very physiological too, because it visualize the concept that good can't exist without evil (or the absence of good is evil ).

You may not see it at first, but the white spaces read the word optical, the blue landscape reads the word illusion. Look again! Can you see why this painting is called an optical illusion?

This one is quite tricky!

The word TEACH reflects as LEARN.

You probably read the word ME in brown, but.......

when you look through ME you will see YOU!

3. Alzheimers' Eye Test

Count every " F" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE

SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI

FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH

THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...

HOW MANY ?

THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.

IF THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU GOT READ IT AGAIN !

Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.

Reason: The brain cannot process "OF".

4. O lny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The

phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,

it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs psas it on !!

Edited July 7, 2006 by Kero

[Kero]

Wet Pussy