another joke thread

[hawks]

The Reverend John Flapps was the pastor of a small town.

One day he was walking down the High Street and he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer.

The reverend wasn't happy. He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.

"Mrs Fitzgerald,"he said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation.Why don't you let me take you home?

"Sure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.

When Mrs Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and

forth.

The reverend realised that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and fell to the floor.

After rolling around for a few moments, the reverend wound up on top of Mrs Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.

The pub landlord looked over and said, "Oi Mate, we won't have any of that carrying on in this pub."

The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps."

The landlord nodded and said, "Oh well, if you're that far in, you might as well finish."

[hawks]

Another,

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other

Stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the shithouse

but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!"

And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this

Is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I

Hear another question. "Can I come over?"

OK, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could

Just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other

Stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"

[ed R34]

GOOD REASON WHY NOT TO FLIRT!!!!!

A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress

Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her

husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband,

protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some

aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time

to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he

went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke

without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party.

As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought

she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he

acted when she was not with him.

So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume,

cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick"

he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself,

he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.

She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her

husband. After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition

in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had

passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at

midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away

and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make

up for his outrageous behaviour. She was sitting up reading when he came

in, so she asked what kind of time he had.

"Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when

you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I

got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went

into the spare room and played poker all evening."

"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing

poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.

To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your

Dad, apparently he had the time of his life

[skylinechik]

LMAO!!!!!!

[ed R34]

The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog.

The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"

The French woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fife is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another" trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."

The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window.

[Majanal]

Rofl

[Abo Bob]

Ruff Ruff.

[Majanal]

out you go bitch!

[ed R34]

Noticing that her boss's fly was open, the embarrassed secretary told

him,"Your garage door is open."

The bewildered exec didn't know what she meant until she pointed down.

He quickly zipped up and said, "I hope you didn't see my super deluxe

Ferrari ?"

" Nope." she replied. "Just an old pink Volkswagen with 2 flat tyres!!"