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Disaster In Ipswich!

GTS-TBoy

By GTS-TBoy,
in Queensland

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GTS-TBoy Apprentice

GTS-TBoy

Posted
Posted

Associated Press (AP) 15 September 2005, 01:32 (Brisbane, Australia)

EARTHQUAKE ROCKS IPSWICH

A major earthquake measuring 7.8 on the Richter scale has hit Australia

in the early hours of this morning, with the epicentre believed to be in

the South Eastern City of Ipswich. Victims were seen wandering around

aimlessly muttering, "F'kin 'ell" and "Whadda baaarst'd".

The earthquake has completely decimated the area, leaving a damage bill

expected to exceed more than A$3000. Several priceless collections,

including mementos from the Torana Appreciation Society and the Ipswich

Progress Hall, were destroyed in the quake. Three areas of historic

burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their

welfare cheques arrived.

Brisbane radio reported that hundreds of residents were confused and

bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something

interesting had happened in the area. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith,

a 15-year-old mother of 4 said, "It was such a shock, my little

Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest

two, Tyler-Morgan and Levi-Storm slept through it all. I was still

shaking when I was watching Jerry Springer later in the morning".

The people of Ipswich are a resilient community and evidence of a full

recovery can already been seen, with looting, muggings and car crime

carrying on as normal.

The aid response from local charities has been swift. The Red Cross has

so far managed to ship 4,000 cases each of Bundy & Coke and PJ Durries

to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still

searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal

belongings,which include Centrelink booklets, Bronco tee shirts, Acca

Dacca

cassettes, Holden HSV bedding covers, Priceline jewellery and fine bone

china from Bi-Lo.

The Red Cross seeks to raise money for food and clothing, to be

air-dropped as parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in this

disaster. Donations of clothing are in demand. Items most needed include

baseball caps; tracksuit tops (his and hers); flannelette shirts

(female); footy socks; ugg boots; and any other items usually sold in

"Op" Shops.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include, Pluto Pups (Dagwood Dogs), doner kebabs,

McDonalds, KFC, ice cream and cans of UDL Bourbon and Coke; Passion Pop

and XXXX Bitter.

Charities are also accepting cash donations through any Liquorland

outlet.

$0.25 buys a ball point pen for filling in compensation forms; $5.00

buys chips, sausages, gherkins, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a

family of nine; $10.00 will buy a packet of Winfield Blues 25s and a

lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

Aid agencies have requested that no tents be sent into the affected

suburb, as the sight of high socio-economic housing is unfair on the

residents of neighbouring areas.

Hope this is the right section of the forum for this.

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Lazy-Bastard Grand Master

Lazy-Bastard

Posted
Posted (edited)

OK.....I live in Ipswich, and I'll say something......

WELCOME TO 2003!!

This is soooo old and seems to go around every couple of months. So far I have seen Inala, Redfern, Woodridge and now Ipswich.

Some people have no originality.

I do admit though, the first incarnation I did find quite amusing.

There you go Sam :P

Edited by Lazy-Bastard

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