Whoretown WA

[GTS-t VSPEC]

10:30? Will have to find out what my timetable is for 2nd Semester:D

[GTS-t VSPEC]

Well I'm all pack, so I'm off to Scotland:D

[GTS-t VSPEC]

I'll chat with you all in a few days :grouphug:

Bye:D

[Micko]

Have a look now Paulie:D

[GTS-t VSPEC]

Micko, Will check later, bye mate, say hi to Naomi:D

[Micko]

Yep - see ya buddy.

I will talk to Steve in the next few days for you...

[skyzerr33]

more castles matey

see ya

[Kyles]

yay we kicked arse

[Kyles]

kicked arse again!

[skyzerr33]

so thats where u ran off to

[BelGarion]

well im home, thats my last cruise, tommorow i had in my papers and licence

and from then on i have no life

[rev210]

Got volvo wagon back the other day from auto rebuild. NIce little shift kit and heavy duty clutch pack. Kept the stall the same since fuel ecconomy is improtant tho (So tempted).

I have now toasted the new XR6 tubo in it, guy was in total disbelief, great expression I should take my digital camera around with me.

[Nizmo]

quiet

[Nizmo]

how the hell did Meggala come outta know where and overtake Paul with 22,000 over all posts?

theres foul play a foot

anyway since noone to talk to im off to beddie byes

night

[33Spec2]

im here!

[skyzerr33]

i know tut tut i'll have to talk to him

[skyzerr33]

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go to the bird section and Mick says to Paddy, "Dats Dem!" The shopkeeper comes over and asks if he can help. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere budgies in dat cage op dere", says Mick."Put dem in a pepper bag". The shopkeeper does as asked and the two pay for the birds and leave.

They get into Mick's van and drive until they reach a cliff with a 300 foot drop. "Dis looks loike a grand place," says Mick. He then takes the four birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a 'Splat!' As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head and says "Fock Dat, is budgie jumping is too fockin dangerous for me..."

A few minutes later, Seamus approaches. He too has been to the pet shop and he's carrying the familiar 'pepper bag'. He then pulls a parrot out of the bag and Paddy notices that in the other hand Seamus is carrying a gun.

"Watch this Paddy," he says, as he launches himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot's head off. Seamus continues to plummet until there is another 'Splat!' and he joins Mick at the bottom of the cliff. Paddy shakes his head and says, "An' oim never troyin that parrotshooting noider..."

After a few minutes, Sean strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and walks up with his 'pepper bag'. Instead of a parrot he pulls a chicken out of the bag and launches himself off the cliff with the usual result. Once more Paddy shakes his head - "Fock me Sean, first der was Mick wit his budgie jumpin, den Seamus parrotshooting - and now you, - fockin' hengliding."

One hot July day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her and put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. She had no name so we named her *****cat. The vet decided to keep her for a day or so and said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband, [the complainer] said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks."

My husband and my vet don't like each other. He calls my husband El-cheap-O. My husband calls him El-Take-0. They love to hate each other.

Next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, which was located next door to the vet. The doctor's office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and in leaned the vet; he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband, "Your wife's ***** is finally clean and shaved. She now smells like a rose. And by the way, I think she's pregnant. God knows who the father is!" And he closed the door.

Why a lawyer should never ask a question of a witness if he isn't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a southern small town prosecuting attorney called his First witness to the stand - an elderly grandmother.

He approached her and asked "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded " Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied "why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died! At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counsellors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt."

David Beckham goes shopping, and sees something interesting in the kitchen department of a large department store. "What's that?" he asks. "A Thermos flask," replies the assistant. "What does it do?" asks Becks. The assistant tells him it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.Really impressed, Beckham buys one and takes it along to his next training session.

"Here, boys, look at this," Beckham says proudly. "It's a Thermos flask." The lads are impressed. "What does it do?" they ask. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, "says David. "And what have you got in it?" asks Roy Keane. "Two cups of coffee and a Choc ice," replies Beckham.

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy and beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest (Carlos). As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground. Embarrassed, Carlos took a few steps forward, bent over to pick it up... and set off all the other bells.

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85 year old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but

nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Earleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried we still couldn't

get the damn jar open!"

A lady walks into the drug store and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. The pharmacist asks "Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?" The lady says, "To kill my husband." "I can't sell you any for that reason," says the pharmacist. The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo of her husband having sex with the pharmacist's wife. He looks at the photo and says "Oh.... I didn't know you had a prescription!"

[skyzerr33]

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally, God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test which will take two hours and I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But, ten minutes before the time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured, and, of course, the electricity went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed in every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically screaming, "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became even more irate. "Wait! He cheated! How did he do it??!!" God shrugged and said, "Jesus Saves."

A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms, had spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the Miami sun when who should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend of his. "Oscar, what happened to you?", asked the flea, because Oscar looked terrible, wrapped up in a blanket, his nose running, his eyes red, and his teeth chattering.

"I got a ride down here in some guy's moustache and he came down here by motorcycle. I nearly froze my nuts off," wheezed Oscar. "Let me give you a tip, old pal," said the first flea, spreading some more suntan oil on his shoulders. "You go to the stewardess lounge at the airport, see, and you get up on the toilet seat, and when an Air Florida stewardess comes in to take a leak, you hop on for a nice warm ride. Got it?"

So you can imagine the flea's surprise when, a month or so later, while stretched out all warm and comfortable on the beach, who should he see but Oscar - looking more chilled and miserable than before. "Listen," said Oscar, "I did everything you said. I made it to the stewardess lounge and waited till a really cute one came in, and made a perfect landing and got so warm and cozy that I dozed right off." "And so?" asked the first flea. "And so the next thing I know, I'm on this guy's moustache again!"

A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After sixty, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, see them and they make you cry."

A young woman asks her mother, "Mom, how many kind of penises are there?" The mother, surprised, answers, "Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, a man's penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his sixties, it is like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" "Yes, dried up and the balls are there for decoration only."

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired: "An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again?" The computer guy grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?" "No," I replied. "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." So I wrote out ... I D 1 0 T.

Sister Margaret had been a model nun all her life. Then, she was called to her reward. As she approached the pearly gates, Saint Peter said, "Hold on, Sister Margaret... not so fast!" "But I have been good all my life and dedicated to the work of the son of rajab from the time I was taken in as an infant by the sisters at the convent to my dying breath. I have lived for this moment!" Sister Margaret exclaimed in disbelief.

"That is just the problem," replied St. Peter, "you never learned right from wrong and, to get into heaven, you must know the difference between right and wrong." "Well what can I do? I will do anything to get into heaven!" Sister Margaret pleaded. "I am going to have to send you back down to Earth. When you get there I want you to smoke a cigarette and call me when you are finished. We will discuss your situation then," ordered St. Peter.

Sister Margaret returned to Earth, smoked a Camel, and then immediately called St. Peter, coughing and hacking. "Saint Peter" she gasped, "I can hardly breathe, my mouth tastes terrible, my breath stinks, I feel dizzy, and I think I am going to throw up." "Good!" replied the old saint, "Now you are finally getting a feel for right and wrong. Now go out tonight and drink some hard liquor and call me when you are ready."

Sister Margaret phoned St. Peter immediately after taking several belts of Jack Daniel's. "Saint Peter... I feel woozy. That vile liquid burned my throat and nauseated me. It is all I can do to keep it down." "Good, good! Now you are starting to see the difference between right and wrong" said St. Peter with delight. "Tomorrow I want you to seek out a man and know him in the Biblical sense. Afterward, call me."

A week passed before Sister Margaret called St. Peter and left a message: "Yo, Pete, it's Peggy... It's gonna be a while."

A mother, father and young son are visiting the circus. The elephants walk out into the circus ring and the little boy says to his mother, "What's that?" "That's the elephant's tail," she replies. "No, under the tail," says the youngster. The mother is clearly embarrassed and says, "Oh, nothing." The boy turns to his father and repeats the same question. His father looks and says, "That's the elephant's penis, son." "So, why did mum say it was nothing?" asks the boy. The father draws himself up to his full height and says, "Son, I've spoiled that woman."

[Kyles]

Hi Troy boy.. Canasta??? You know you wanna !

I have the hic ups!

[skyzerr33]

hmm

do i really