Funnys!

[tridentt150v]

Why are they holding the mass rally for WYD at Randwick?

Cos its the only place that you can ride a three year old and get away with it!!!

[race_snooze]

A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small sandal shop.

From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop!'

So they walked in, and the Jamaican said, 'I have some special sandals I tink you would be interested in... Dey make you wild at sex.

The wife got really interested in buying the sandals, but the husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was.

The husband asked the shopkeeper, 'How could sandals make you into a sexfreak?

The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon. You doan haff to do nutting cept try dem on. '

So the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on.

As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years!

In he blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.

The Jamaican then began screaming, 'You got dem on da wrong feet!

Mon, you got dem on da wrong feet!'...

[race_snooze]

A mother and her young son were flying Air New Zealand from Auckland to Sydney . The little boy who had been quietly looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, 'If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?'

The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.

So the boy walked down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, who was busy serving drinks. She smiled and asked, 'Did your mum tell you to ask me?' The boy answered 'Yes, she did'. 'Well then, you go and tell your mum that there are no baby airplanes because Air New Zealand always pulls out on time. Have your mum explain that to you.’

[GTRKat]

Haha ok I haven't read that much of this thread up but just in case I'll put a warning up that this one might be bad....

There was a dude who was a Collingwood supporter who made a bet - if Collingwood were to lose the grand final he would tattoo his balls. One black and one white. Now Collingwood being Collingwood lost the grand final so off he went - one black, one white.

After this incident every time he's getting it on with any ladies as soon as they find his interesting tattoos they're freaked out and don't want anything to do with him.

So one day he was getting it on with this chick and he stopped her and goes "Look I have to tell you something. When you get down there you'll find that I have one black ball and one white ball." So she pulls down her pants and shows that she has one black lip and one white lip. He then says "Oh wow you're a Collingwood supporter too!!"

She says "No. St Kilda."

[_K1NGTR_]

Nice Jayce, I like...

A man walks into a bar... You think he would have ducked!

Q. What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?

A. Kick her in the ass!

Oops did I say that out loud?

There's a Wog, a Chinese man and an Australian man stranded on a desert island.

One day they find a lamp and out pops a Genie, the genie says "You have three wishes" so they each take one...

The Chinese man says first "I wish to be home in my own country with all of my fellow country men where can all live together in peace" WOOSH - He dissapears!

Then the Wog says "that sounds good, I wish for all of me fellow country men and me to be together in our home country and live forever in peace" WOOSH - He dissapears!

The Genie then looks at the white Australian man and says "I suppose you want the same thing too?"

The man says "Well... You mean to tell me that all of the Chinese and all of the Wogs are out of Australia?"

The Genie replies "Yes"

The Aussie thinks for moment and then says.... "Ill just have a coke then".

My apologies to any ethnic people out there, Im not racist, it just a joke!

So im guessing it was an aboriginal man who got the coke because i mean its their country but yea anyway back to the jokes.

[nerm]

this made me laugh

[_K1NGTR_]

Ok i suck at jokes but i wanted to at least make some sort of input so ill say some jokes from two and a half men (best show ever made)

Whats green and brown has four legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?

a pool table.

If girls with big boobs work at hooters then where do girls with one leg work?

I hop.

Gay American jokes but there ya go

[nerm]

saw this this morning, found it amusing

[Gus-]

whats the difference between man and dog?

a man wears suits....a dog jsut pants

[race_snooze]

52 things you would love to say out loud at work

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. Ahhhh. I see the f ***-up fairy has visited us again.

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a sh*t.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any resemblance between your reality and mine are purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your cry-baby whiny-arsed opinion would be?

24. Do I look like a f****** people person to you?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed.

31. Oh I get it. Like humour, but different.........

32. An office is just a mental institute without the padded walls.

33. Can I swap this job for what's behind door .........1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume (or aftershave). Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career; it turns out I just needed the money.

39. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being more intelligent.

40. Wait a minute - I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

41. Aren't you a black hole of need.

42. I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?

43. Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?

44. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

45. If you have something to say raise your hand.........then place it over your mouth.

46. I'm too busy, can I ignore you some other time?

47. Don't let your mind wander, its too small to be let out on its own.

48. Have a nice day, somewhere else.

49. You're not yourself today, I noticed the improvement straight away.

50. You are as pretty as a picture, I'd really like to hang you.

51. Don't believe everything you think.

52. Do you hear that? That's the sound of no-one caring.

[race_snooze]

> Subject: Cute Letter To Santa

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> Dear Santa,

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> Please send me a baby brother.

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> Santa wrote back:

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> "Send me your mother..."

[lachlanw]

if god created the top half of a woman , who created the bottom half?

must have been a maori , why else would it have big lips , black curly hair and smell like fish heads.

Edited December 30, 2008 by lachlanw

[Sinista32]

I really dont know what people you have come across but... so delete this later shell lol... whoops sin so dont leave your self logged in next time lol

Luv you mate, this so my thread... oh yeah I add some codecs to your pc, and a wallce and gromte epersoide... never give me red bull ever again

Edited December 31, 2008 by Sinista32

[Michele]

I really dont know what people you have come across but... so delete this later shell lol... whoops sin so dont leave your self logged in next time lol

Luv you mate, this so my thread... oh yeah I add some codecs to your pc, and a wallce and gromte epersoide... never give me red bull ever again

Oooohh a missed opportunity to change his avatar to something from Mardi Gras

[race_snooze]

damn it so should have done that, but at the time I was not thinking at all well still not sure how I got a sentence out... still not thinking well lol

[Sinista32]

I really dont know what people you have come across but... so delete this later shell lol... whoops sin so dont leave your self logged in next time lol

Luv you mate, this so my thread... oh yeah I add some codecs to your pc, and a wallce and gromte epersoide... never give me red bull ever again

Thanks for the Codecs weird trippp

and guess what...you left yourself logged on to my Laptop - check other thread/s Mwahahaha

[Michele]

Thanks for the Codecs weird trippp

and guess what...you left yourself logged on to my Laptop - check other thread/s Mwahahaha

awww another missed opportunity to mess with his avatar!!! Am I really the only one here who thinks up such b@stardlys?

[Gus-]

awww another missed opportunity to mess with his avatar!!! Am I really the only one here who thinks up such b@stardlys?

when i was in early highschool i went through a stage of hacking into people from my schools hotmails....then we would send funny emails

secret questions are ment to be something no1 else knows...hahahahahaa

[race_snooze]

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been

going out with each other for a long time.

Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally

time to get married.

Before the wedding they went out to dinner and had a

long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to

broach the subject of their physical relationship.

'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.

'I would like it infrequently' she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered

'Is that one word or two?'

[Sinista32]

for years I believed my dad sufferd from Turette Syndrome

turns out he just thought I was a fff**king kunt