Funnys!

[Sinista32]

dad joke

A Catholic boy in confession says,

"Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister."

"That's a disgrace," said the priest,

"especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."

[Got a Pulsar]

Hahaha!

Heard one on the Radio tother day...

Little Johnny is playing in the backyard with his mate Timmy and runs inside to his Grandfather and asks...

"Grandpa, what's it called when 2 people sleep in the same room and one is on top?"

Grandpa, not wanting to lie to his Grandson, decides to be honest and says, "well Johnny, it's called sexual intercourse."

"Ok, thanks Grandpa" says Johnny and runs back outside to play...

A few minutes later he runs back in and says, "Grandpa, it's called Bunk Beds and Timmy's Mum wants to talk to you!"

[Sinista32]

one more

Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees.

Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?'

Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.

Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.

Dad says, 'So what were you watching?'

Billy says, ' Wimbledon .'

[Sinista32]

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HE MUST PAY

Husband and wife had a tiff. The wife called up her mum and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."
Mum said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.

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Today's Short Reading from the Bible...
From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth." Then He made the earth round...and then he laughed and he laughed and he laughed!

[Anfanee]

Can we change the name of this thread to Sins shits n giggles?

[Got a Pulsar]

A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the Doctor.
The Doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."
So, later that day the man went to a store and bought himself a starter pistol, and ran home to his wife.
That night the two were having sex, and found themselves in the 69 position.
When the man began feeling the urge to ejaculate, he fired the starter pistol.
The next day he went back to the Doctor who asked how it had gone.

The man answered, "Not well. When I fired the pistol, my wife pooped in my face, bit three inches off my penis, and my neighbour came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"

[TREGTR]

Why do female paratroopers wear jock straps? To stop them whistling on the way down.

[Sinista32]

L0L - that one made me reminisce a little

Back in the day there used to be a club in Canberra called the '"Parachute club", coz everyone got a jump.

(I was a BARman there for 6 years).

[TREGTR]

L0L - that one made me reminisce a little

Back in the day there used to be a club in Canberra called the '"Parachute club", coz everyone got a jump.

(I was a BARman there for 6 years).

Lol

[Mick_o]

Ok i want in on the jokes

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

[Mick_o]

An elderly couple is attending mass. About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to the husband, "I just let out a silent fart; what do you think i should do?" He replies, "Put a battery in your hearing aid."

[Mick_o]

Double post....

Edited September 20, 2013 by Mick_o

[Mick_o]

I just got sacked from my day job as a life guard at the pool . apparently tapping the "no bombing" sign when the muslims walk past isnt funny to everyone.

[Got a Pulsar]

A lady throws a fancy dress party where each guest is to show up as their favorite emotion.

A guest arrives dressed in green. "Envy!" she says, and lets him in.

A lady comes dressed in red. She says, "Anger!" and lets her in.

Her gay friend arrives dressed in Pink Feathers. "I'm tickled Pink" he says and she lets him in.

Two naked Jamaican guys walk up to the front door. One guy is holding a bowl of pudding with his penis stuck in it, and the other guy has his penis in a hollowed-out pear.

"Wait a minute," she says to them. "This is supposed to be an emotion party!" "What emotions are you 2 dressed as?"

The first guy says in a thick Jamaican accent, "Well I'm deep in dis-pear," and his friend replies, "and I'm f**king dis-custard."

[Verms]

why dont women make good truck drivers?

Coz you give them a load and it takes them 9 months to deliver.

[THE34T]

At the National Art Gallery , in Dublin Ireland , a couple were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men, totally naked, sitting on a park bench . Two of the figures had black penises but the one in the middle, had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of the black man in a predominately white, patriarchal society.

“In fact,” he pointed out, “some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.”
After the curator left, an Irish man approached the couple and said, “Would you like to know what the painting is really about?”

“Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?” asked the husband.
“Because I’m the guy who painted it.” he replied.

”In fact, there are no black men depicted at all. They’re just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."

[THE34T]

Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua . As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."

The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."

The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."

They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"
The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."
The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought, "What the heck," so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.

Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog"

The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"
The woman with the Chihuahua said, ..........
..................

................................

..........................................
"A Chihuahua ? They gave me a f.....ing Chihuahua ?!"

[Humpty Dumpty]

Why do blind people hate bungee jumping?????

Because it scares the fark out of the dogs!!

[Sinista32]

Cuppla pics

[Mick_o]

Whats the difference between a hardcore dyke and a walrus?

1 is fat,hairy and smells like the fish and the other is a walrus