Funnys!

[SKYLVIA]

looks like the sequel will be more popular than the original

[SKYLVIA]

lol with this kids reaction, youd think N64 was more aniticpated than the 360...

[Sinista32]

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight

miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she

realized that her skirt was so tight she couldnt get her foot high

enough to reach to step. Thinking it would give her enough slack to

raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She

still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once

again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldnt reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and

unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the

step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still

couldnt reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her

put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first

step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How

dare you touch my body that way, I dont even know you!"

Shocked, the man says, "Well, maam, after you reached around and

unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."

[Psymon]

I like it!!

[LTSJayce]

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman "Can I have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie"

The barman is amazed but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie, he then leaves.

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.

The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub (because word gets round) gives the rabbit the pint and the toastie.

The rabbit consumes them and leaves.

The next night, the pub is packed, in walks the rabbit and says "A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman"

The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.

The next night there is standing room only in the pub, coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending, the barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year.

In walks the rabbit and says, "A Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman", smiling and accepting the tributes of the masses.

The barman says, "I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties"

The rabbit looks aghast, the crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says,

"We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie"

The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, "Are you sure I will like it"

The masses bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.

The barman, with a rougish smile says "Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends, I know you'll love it"

"Ok" says the rabbit," I'll have a Pint of Beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie"

The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie, he then waves to the crowd and leaves.... NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

One year later in the now impoverished public house, the barman (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his) calls time.

When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar. The barman says, "Who are you" To which he is answered,

"I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house"

The barman says, "I remember you, you made me famous, you would come in every night and have a Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, masses came to see you and this place was famous"

The rabbit says, "Yes I know"

The barman said, "I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties, you had a Cheese and Onion one instead"

The rabbit said "Yes, you promised me that I would love it"

The barman said "You never came back, after that fateful night, what happened"

"I DIED", said the Rabbit.

"NO!" said the barman,"what from".

After a short pause. The rabbit said...

"Mixing-me-toasties".

[race_snooze]

poor poor poor, you made me read all that for mixing me toasties. very good Jayce

Edited April 17, 2006 by race_snooze

[SKYLVIA]

umm... i dont even know what mixing toasties mean... could someone explain plz?

[sloazr33]

umm... i dont even know what mixing toasties mean... could someone explain plz?

Myxomatosis is a severe viral disease of rabbits that decimated the wild rabbit population when it arrived in Britain

kind of sounds like "mixing me toasties"

Edited April 17, 2006 by sloazr33

[SKYLVIA]

aaaaaah ok, thanks sloazr33!!

[Terminal]

City kids, pfft

[SKYLVIA]

the only rabbits i see are on the side of roads, and they leak red stuff while they sleep.

[SkyGTRline]

This ute was parked next to my site today at work

Yes long time ago.. but

This fella is parked at my work..

Spotted it few weeks ago from above..

Respect.

[LTSJayce]

>I don't understand. After our last child was born, my wife told me we

>had

>to cut back on expenses - I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a

>big

>drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends.

>

>Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day when she came home

>from

>grocery shopping the receipt included $45 in makeup.

>

>I said, "Wait a minute I've given up beer and you haven't given up

>anything!"

>

>She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you."

>

>I told her, "f *k off, that's what the beer was for!"

[LTSJayce]

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the Coroner.

"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"

"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.

"Thought he was having his picture taken."

[LTSJayce]

An Air Force F-16 fighter pilot trainee was up on a solo flight, and decided to have some fun with a Southwest 737 airliner.

The Air Force jock whizzed his fighter past the airliner, did two loops and shot up vertically and came back down next to the 737 and got on his radio frequency.

"Hey there mister airline pilot . . . what do you think of that??"

The Southwest pilot responded "That was impressive, mister fighter pilot . .

. but watch this."

The 737 droned along for about 15 minutes, and then the pilot came back on and said "What did you think about that?"

The F-16 pilot asked, "Think about what? What did you do?"

The Southwest pilot responded "I got up, stretched my legs, went to the back, poured a cup of coffee, took a piss, got a layover date with the flight attendant with the biggest tits, and strolled back to the cockpit. Any questions??"

[MIVEC]

Hahahahaha, the version I've heard of that last one is that it's a 747 and he goes "I just turned off two of my engines"

[race_snooze]

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne too!"

"What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me. I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me too, and I'm also celebrating!" says the woman.

"What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked, "What are you celebrating?"

"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."

"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"

"I switched cocks," he replied.

She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!"

[GT-PASSAGE]

Why does a chicken coup have 2 doors??

Cuz if it had 4 it would be a chicken sedan.

G.

[GTR32GUS]

Hahahahaha, the version I've heard of that last one is that it's a 747 and he goes "I just turned off two of my engines"

Have we got a few air force boys on here or something

[Tarmac-]

A Beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed.

After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh.

While doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?"

"Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or Dermatological abnormalities."

"That's right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her Breasts.

"Do you know what I am doing now?" he asked.

"Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps which might indicate Breast cancer."

"Correct," replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.

He asked,"Do you know what I am doing now?"

"Yes," she said, "You're getting herpes: which is why I came here In the first place."