Funnys!

[Bullet32]

Q. How do you know when a blonde has been using your computer?

A. Theres white out on the screen, theres cheese next to the mouse and there's a condom on the joy stick!

[Viper_r32]

Bill runs his own home business, but his work load is getting bigger so he decides he needs to hire some one to give him a hand.

So bill goes out and puts out flyers advertising the position.

Wile doing this his friend James walking by

James: I see you have a job position available to you mind if I apply

Now James is Irish and although he is a good friend he’s not the kind of person bill thinks can do the job. So bill says to him.

Bill: if you want to apply you first have to answer 3 questions.

Bill: without righting it I want you to represent the number 9

James puzzled for a second thinks about it. Then he starts to scribble in the dirt what look like pictures of trees

Bill: so what’s this then?

James: well you see bill here are three trees and, tree + tree + tree is 9 bill

Bill puzzled for a moment looks up and thinks to him self

Bill: ok well now I want you to represent the number 99

So James picks up a small hand of dirt and sprinkles it over the trees

Bill: so what dose this mean?

James: well you see bill, dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree is 99 Bill

Bill: ok James now for a hard one this time I want you to represent the number 100

James: ow well that’s a hard one bill

So James starts to scribble in the dirt again this time by putting little dots on the bottom of all the trees.

Bill: ok James what dose it mean this time

James: well you see bill a little dog has come along and done his business at the bottom of the three trees, so a dirty tree and a terd + dirty tree and a terd + dirty tree and a terd is 100 bill

[Gus-]

HAHAHAHAHAHA my maths teacher told us that one once

[LTSJayce]

These are just simple enough to be funny ! Have a good day !

1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

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2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

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3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

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4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

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5. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

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6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

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7. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

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8. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

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9. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Doc says, "It's Not Unusual."

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10. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

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11. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

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12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

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13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

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14. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

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15. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

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16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

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17. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

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18. Polish joke: A Polish immigrant goes to the Wisconsin Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's license. He has to take an Eye Test. The optician shows him a card with the letters 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z'. "Can you read this?", the optician asks. "Read it?" the Polish man replies, "I know the guy."

[Gus-]

i dun get numba 18?

whos says what

[Frink]

Edited November 6, 2005 by Frink

[race_snooze]

oh guss its all right mate, one day when your older and wiser, lol. The polish guys thinks the random letters in the eye chart are a name of his mate, check most last names of polish ppl there long and sound like that eye chart

[Gus-]

yeh it got explained to me...thanks dugong

[Scooby]

A man goes to the zoo.

There was only a dog.

It was a shitzu.

[leech_]

lol lame but funny haha

A man goes to the zoo.

There was only a dog.

It was a shitzu.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[JD_R33]

A horse walks into a bar.

The barman says "why the long face?"

[Terminal]

Knock Knock

Who's there?

An interupting cow

An interup....

MOoooo!!!!

[JD_R33]

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the African desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.

He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there. The nervous sergeant said, "Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no

women. And sir, sometimes the men have "urges". That's why we have the camel." The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own "urges". Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel. When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?",

No. not really sir...They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are."

[LTSJayce]

A man goes to the zoo.

There was only a dog.

It was a shitzu.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

:lol: :lol:

[skyline_babe5]

If you are really bored and feel like watching something random go to this site:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6...7648&pr=goog-sl

Not sure whether or not you guys will think this is funny but i found it today and i thought it was f*king hilarious!

For those on dial up it might take a little while to load but its worth it

[Gus-]

an emo walks into a bar and bursts into tears

haha

[djhatton]

aaah dammit here goes.

************

This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed.

However, as soon as they settled down, the man leans over and whispers softly, "Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet."

The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first."

So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face. Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone "Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?"

No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours. Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.

Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy bitch."

************

Yesterday scientists in Canada revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

************

After getting married the bride and groom jump into a horse driven carriage and bid their families farewell. Ten minutes later the horse suddenly stops causing the newly weds to be thrown forward. The groom calmly jumps out the carriage, walks in front of the horse and shouts:

"THAT’S ONE!!". Then jumps back into the carriage and resumes his journey. Another ten minutes passes and the horse does the same again. The groom jumps out and calmly walks in front of the horse, and shouts:

"THAT’S TWO!!" then hits the horse over the head with a baseball bat. He then jumps back into the carriage and carries on the journey. Another ten minutes later, the horse still not taking the hint suddenly stops, thrusting the unsuspecting newly weds forward once more. Calmly the groom walks in front of the horse and shouts:

"THAT’S THREE!!!" and blows the horses head off with a handgun. Just as he’s about to sit down next to his new wife, she says "That was a bit harsh wasn’t it !!!". Calmly he looks into her eyes and shouts:

"THAT’S ONE!!" ....

************

man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea ... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married"

The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not", she giggles.

"Great!", he replies, "Get your own DAMN blanket!"

************

A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks

out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist

thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's no law preventing

weird people from buying condoms. Who knows, maybe it's

a good thing.

The next day, the same man comes back to the store,

purchases yet another condom, and once again he leaves

the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of

the pharmacist.

"What's could be so funny about buying a condom, anyway?"

So he tells his clerk "If this guy ever comes back, I want

you to follow him to see where he goes." Sure enough, the

next day the same man is back, he buys the condom, and again

starts cracking up with laughter, then leaves.

The pharmacist tells his clerk, go follow the guy. About an

hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.

"Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist.

The clerk replies "Your house."

************

hehehe

d

Edited November 12, 2005 by djhatton

[GM_GTR]

heres one,

An obviously upset woman vists her paster pleading, "Father, Father, my children just will not stop cursing, I've done everything I know to stop them. You're my last hope, what can I do?"

The Father replies, "Have you considered smacking the boys?"

The mother, wide-eyed, replied, "Oh no, Father, I thought the Church would frown upon that!"

"In severe cases, we do allow it. The next time your sons curse, why don't you try it?"

The mother said "Okay, Father, if the son of rajab permits it."

The next morning Johnny and Jimmy come down to breakfast and the mother asks, "Little Johnny, what would you like for breakfast this morning?"

"I don't know you fat bitch. Why don't you shut the f**k up and give me some f**king waffles."

With that, the mother smacked little Johnny accross the face and he slid down to the wall to the floor. Jimmy watched in horror.

The mother turned and asked, "Little Jimmy, what would you lide for breakfast this morning?"

Little Jimmy looked at his brother on the floor, looked back at his mother, and replied, "I don't know - but you can bet your pudgy lard arse that I don't want any f**king waffles."

[SkyGTRline]

If you are really bored and feel like watching something random go to this site:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6...7648&pr=goog-sl

Not sure whether or not you guys will think this is funny but i found it today and i thought it was f*king hilarious!

For those on dial up it might take a little while to load but its worth it

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

HAHAHA!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

hmm.. do you think they should enter Jap idol?

[skyline_babe5]

heres one,

An obviously upset woman vists her paster pleading, "Father, Father, my children just will not stop cursing, I've done everything I know to stop them. You're my last hope, what can I do?"

The Father replies, "Have you considered smacking the boys?"

The mother, wide-eyed, replied, "Oh no, Father, I thought the Church would frown upon that!"

"In severe cases, we do allow it. The next time your sons curse, why don't you try it?"

The mother said "Okay, Father, if the son of rajab permits it."

The next morning Johnny and Jimmy come down to breakfast and the mother asks, "Little Johnny, what would you like for breakfast this morning?"

"I don't know you fat bitch. Why don't you shut the f**k up and give me some f**king waffles."

With that, the mother smacked little Johnny accross the face and he slid down to the wall to the floor. Jimmy watched in horror.

The mother turned and asked, "Little Jimmy, what would you lide for breakfast this morning?"

Little Jimmy looked at his brother on the floor, looked back at his mother, and replied, "I don't know - but you can bet your pudgy lard arse that I don't want any f**king waffles."

HAHAHAH!! :lol:

I think that Jap Idol would be good for them.. got the dancing down and all

Edited November 14, 2005 by skyline_babe5