How To Be A Queensland Driver!

[jmac]

ARE YOU.......

having trouble fitting in on our lovely queensland roads?

visiting from out of state or overseas?

DO YOU.......

want to become a better driver?

then just follow jmac's easy 10 point step-by-step guide to becoming a typical queensland driver!

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1. never, ever pay any attention to which lane you should be in.

doing 90 in a 110 zone? who cares! it's your RIGHT to be in the right lane. besides, you're doing everyone else who wants to arrive at their destination efficiently a favour by making sure they don't get a speeding fine!

2. don't accelerate to merge.

merging? simply slow down and indicate if you feel like it. everyone will happily bunch up and try to become involved in a nose-to-tail accident just to let you in. besides, speeding up to the velocity of the traffic around you requires consideration for others.

3. don't let anyone in. ever.

two lanes going into one? stuck in a traffic jam requiring people to take turns? somebody wants to get in front of you to exit (not having read the signs 2km back)? remember, that tiny, less-than-2-seconds gap between you and the car in front is an expression of your pride, (wo)manlyhood, ego and integrity. don't let someone steal your pride. be a prick and close that gap - everyone else can wait. especially if they are from victoria.

4. tailgating: it's fun!

they go on about some nonsense called defensive driving. ignore that. if there are only two of you for miles around, still drive within 5m of the person in front of you - as if your life DEPENDS on it. you never know, you might even get there faster, and if they have to stop quickly you will make an insurance company somewhere very, very happy.

5. don't stop at stop signs.

these funny red signs are really just jokes being perpetrated on us by road engineers with a sense of humour. employ the patented jmac technique of "slow down, check, and roll through". however, always stop completely at give way signs; these have two words and take longer for queensland drivers to read.

6. don't slow down for roadworks.

again, those 80 signs on the freeway are just a giggle for the road workers. continue through at 100, or 90 if you are in the right lane (see above).

7. speed across the story bridge.

they haven't put cameras on it yet. even the most conservative grandmother puts her foot down when she passes beneath that familiar giant meccano set. if you're from around here, you do 80 on the bridge. just be careful for mysterious commodores behind you.

8. indicate as you do it, not before you do it.

you would think that they're called "indicators" because they're meant to be used to indicate what you're about to do. however, here in queensland, indicating gives someone an opportunity to stop you changing into "their" lane, or might help them pull out into an intersection or roundabout, thereby saving them time. screw that, everyone can wait. besides, you're keeping them on their toes.

9. pull out in front then slow down.

there's no one behind that person coming on your right (as you impatiently wait at your side-street) for a kilometre. if you were courteous you'd wait for him to go past then pull out. not in queensland. pull out in front of him. don't accelerate all that quickly so he has to use his brakes to avoid you. then don't do the speed limit, do at least 10 under. most likely the person behind will then refer to point 4 above.

10. creep forward at red lights.

who knows? maybe creeping over the line, blocking the pedestrian crossing and burning out your clutch if you actually have the coordination to drive a manual will

make the light turn green faster. maybe you'll catch its attention, or something.

[gtst25]

Something else to add:

Drive 10km/hr below the speed limit until you reach the overtaking lane, then speed up to 120 just to make sure no one can get past. Especially if you drive a small gutless car which can't get up the hills.....

Good thread - I didn't realise how bad it all is getting until I went travelling overseas!

Edited November 15, 2005 by gtst25

[dangerous_daveo]

Your missing a few...

Round-a-bouts! Read all the road rules, then either igore them, or put them in to reverse.

[Willo]

4. tailgating: it's fun!

they go on about some nonsense called defensive driving.  ignore that.  if there are only two of you for miles around, still drive within 5m of the person in front of you - as if your life DEPENDS on it. you never know, you might even get there faster, and if they have to stop quickly you will make an insurance company somewhere very, very happy.

Tailgating = slipstreaming. We all know how expensive petrol is. And don't forget, two cars can move faster than one, Tom Cruise told me so.

[Dale FZ1]

Gold... just gold.

The best way to get full entertainment value is to look for them on your daily travels. Sort of like waiting around the shopping centre carparks to watch the efforts there.

[REdgtst]

I see the same thing here in SA only worse!!!!!!!!!! ... Have a one hour drive to work every morning... On freeway... gutless cars are banked up in the right lane doing 70 in a 110, kilometres zone trying to overtake a truck (freeway has two lanes) doing 60 in a 110 up a hill... Solution: Dont follow the road rules ie overtake in emergency stopping lanes and emergency overtaking lanes!

Flashing your lights like in Europe does not seem to work here (just makes people angry, drive slower and not want to pull over).

Thinking about carrying a slug gun so that i can shoot out peoples tyres in front of me when they bank up in the right hand lane because they can see a truck that they NEED to overtake 1km in the distance.--> Would be a safer solution than just letting accidents happen!

It is hard when you cant beat them not to join them i must admit!!!!!!!!! At times i must admit i engage in similar activities!

[REdgtst]

I have found laughing at people when they are pissed off (suffering from road rage) Improves matters..... Sometimes you see them sort of explode in anger!!!!! I wonder if it makes them think about there driving!

[«Cyph3r»]

haha

[jmac]

I came up with this stuff ages ago (Motor published it in edited form a couple of years ago) after driving both interstate and especially overseas (USA/Canada) made me realise how much more alert and aware drivers can be and how much better things like 3 and 4-lane freeways can work if people just pay attention - not even drive "well", just wake the hell up to the needs of your fellow road users!

Ahem... :lol: End of rant....

I've just come to expect such a bad standard of driving - a dude in an old white van nearly drove over the top of me today and by reflex I beeped and just started laughing at the same time because it was SO stupid, he didn't even look or indicate or anything...

I like the thing about roundabouts too, especially stupid small roundabouts, people in Brisbane just seem to LOSE THEIR MINDS and go crazy...

[dangerous_daveo]

I was thinking about this today. Driving through some road works as it happens.

Now, with the slowing down thing, I realised, hey I dont slow down either. Then I also realised, I didnt see any road workers actually working.

If those barstards actually worked hard, and earned their money like I do to pay for them standing around smoking, Id slow down. But they dont, so stuff them, I'm not going to be 30secs late for someone who dont give a stuff.

[jmac]

Hehe yeah I probably do a couple of the things I mentioned too - driving too close so some turd doesn't cut into "your" gap, and completely ignoring roadworks signs if there's no evidence of people actually working...

[Slide]

rofl

[Nismo_Boy]

haha

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Don’t laugh Jamie, that list sounds like my driving, then again I just don’t give a shit :lol:

[predator2]

yeah, i think josh has the secret 'nobody gives a shit' (how they drive)..

Could be worse.. whilst queenslanders generally drive like crazy f**kers, in reality there are less accidents and road deaths per head of population.

And melbourne they drive so cautiously to avoid creeping that 3km/hr over its almost dangerous anyhow... Not that it stops them killing themselves just as effectively anyhow. If they ever get that tough in QLD fight it tooth and nail, as it DOES NOT save lives.

[MAX007]

One of the Qld. Gov. biggest money wasters, the multi-lane highway to the Gold Coast. Should have built 3x single lane highways, the locals would have felt more at home.....

[Nismo_Boy]

yeah, i think josh has the secret 'nobody gives a shit' (how they drive)..

Could be worse.. whilst queenslanders generally drive like crazy f**kers, in reality there are less accidents and road deaths per head of population.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Speaking of me not giving a shit.. The below is from a driver that will be left un-named, whom lives in an un-named beach town, who drives a white unicorn.

Leaving an un-named persons house, un-named person in his R32 with a mate, another mate is in his GTR (both of these cars are f**koff loud, no trim and have cages) and last in line another mate in his S14. there pulling boost skids and just generally coursing ruckus leaving said house.. As they pull out onto the main road Mr plod and his accomplish pull in behind said cars and off go the lights and serins (Keep in mind said un-named person being quite known already).

You’d think as the Police didn’t see any un-named people muck up, and would have only heard what these people were doing, they’d stop… But no, un-named unicorn R32 driver goes fcuk this we ‘re outta here, un-named driver over takes some nanna on double lines with on coming traffic, cops forget about the other cars and the chase is on for random unnamed clown, un-named and his mate are quite a bit head and off go the head lights, but they see the unicorn pull in, lucky enough not close enough to read the rego though, un-named driver takes off (bare in mind there are small speed humps in this suburbia area and the unicorn R32 is something like 2cm off the ground (if that!).. Unnamed driver cleared the pain in the ass speed trap zone then his gone again! 160kph – 180kph up this hill, un-named driver pulled up quick for a taxi, do the maynover around it, and off again zig zaging through back streets, cops aren’t in site, but serins are still loud enough to be heard.

For those that know said beach town, un-named shot off into said beach town golf Estate and worked his way to a back road we’re there building a resort, all is clear and un-named driver park's and does the runner. Un-named unicorn clown kid calls his old man and he picks un-named clown and his mate up!

Un-named driver learnt one lesson and one lesson only - Cops can’t catch a unicorn!

Those in the know will find this more then funny.

Edited November 17, 2005 by Nismo_Boy

[Keegs]

oh so discrete...i have no idea who that is rofl..

[Nismo_Boy]

oh so discrete...i have no idea who that is rofl..

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Same. No f**king idea whats so ever.

[The_Paladin]

Queenslanders are pretty shocking drivers........good post

the only thing not mentioned is cutting corners (lazy driving) and speeding. there's a stupid amount of it happening all thanks to the 'speed dosent kill' argument.

driving in europe is nuts..............in italy cars dont stop for pedestrian green lights.....they only stop if you walk out in front of them

[dangerous_daveo]

Yeah. The whole running red lights thing is beinging to bug me abit. THE LIGHT IS RED FOR A REASON DOOFUS HEADS!!!